Every time there is a knock at my door, every time I hear the little Instant Messenger bing, every time I hear my phone ring, every time I walk in the hallway, every time I walk past your room and glance in, I wish that it is you there, knocking, typing, calling, walking, sitting in your room waiting for me.
Every time I think about you, I wish that you would walk up to me right then, make my perfect day dream, my perfect day.
Every time that I write to you, I wish I could type to you the words I wish I could type: I wish I could tell you how I feel about you. I am the friend, I am the one who comes over and we talk. I am the one who you see in the hall and you smile at me, and then you can walk away. What you don’t know: you stop my whole day. I am stopped there in my tracks, thinking about your smile, your eyes, and you.
Every time you smile at me, I wonder why you are smiling. Every time I see the light shine off your eyes, I wonder what makes them shine the way they do.
Every time I write about you, I wish that I could hand you what I have written, have you read it, and just know.
I feel like I have a secret that I desperately want to tell you, but fear keeps it hidden away. When I sit here alone, thinking about my day, I am buried under the guilt of this secret. When we are together, the secret does not weigh on me, almost as if you know what’s up and the secret doesn’t exist.
I worry that if I lay myself out on the table, you will simply walk away scared. I honestly have no idea how it is that you feel about me and I can only hope that your feelings reflect mine. I will continue on, as things have been going; being your friend because you make me happy. My time with you is the best part of my day and I want that to continue, so my secret is mine until the fear of scaring you away subsides.
Please tell me that my fear of you turning away has no foundation in reality; please tell me that I have nothing to worry about, because you feel the same way.
