I wonder why I care so much about what you think, you have no bearing on me, and nothing you say can affect me. It doesn’t matter to my life. You can screw me, you can make my life harder that it is, but you can’t change me. You shouldn’t be able to make my life suck. I hate you, and I need you. You are the reason why life is hard for me when it concerns my father. You are the reason why things are all fucked up between me and him.
To me it seems like I am nothing but a financial burden that you married into. When you took that ring you hated me. You hated when I visited and you hated my mother, and you hated me. You hated the knowledge that you would have to pay to keep me on this planet. It’s all about money for you. Scrooge McDuck, swimming in his fucking vault of gold coins, lavishing in the life he has, the life of nothing but money for you, because it makes you feel secure and happy to have all that money, and you’ll never let it go without a fight. I hate how you can’t have a personal relationship with me because there is this money in the way, I hate that you hold things against me that you had to pay for instead of my mother. You said that you tried to get me to live with you at one point, would you then keep a running tally of every bit of food that you bought me and make sure that the debt was paid? Would you hold against me every time I needed something to be paid for, because my mom should have to pay for it, why couldn’t this kid live with his mother, why does he have to live with us? And yet, you are paying with “your” money...hmmm…curious isn’t it how you live with a person who puts in just as much as you, probably more than you, and its your money. Doesn’t my dad work his ass off too? Doesn’t he make money in the house, isn’t it his money too? Why does he not get a voice? Am I not his ONLY child? Shouldn’t he be allowed to do what he wants with them money? Just because you added onto the house doesn’t mean shit to me. You made a commitment when you married him to follow the divorce agreement in place, that commitment says you have to pay for ALL of my school, and yet you offered half….hmmm…
Should I slap that agreement on the table, every legally binding line of it? Should I jeopardize an upset that may separate me from my father indefinitely just so that you will realize you are not in charge? There was a plan in place before you even showed up on radar. There were agreements, there were plans for me! Not for you, I am the one that should be taken care of. You sit like a fucking princess in a castle that you married into.
I can’t do this shit on my own. I cant do it, you know that, but you still let the money that you clutch onto, “My precious”, and that you will never let go without trying to screw me more and you less.
I will never let money rule my life. I hope that my life never sucks like yours; I hope that I don’t have to screw people to feel better, to make the past feel better, and to make it seem like less than it really is. I don’t want to hide behind a façade of security like you seem to want to do.
You make yourself and my FATHER the enemy for me, and that is too much for me to bear. I can’t bear it I need him to be there. I need him, and I can’t because you and your goddamn money are in the way.
