Once again life seems determined to leave me a trembling wreck. I wander between days, ridiculously drunk or half asleep - I know it's useless. I can't change my relation to the world that easily. I'm not - unfortunately - insensible. My own heartbeat drives me to panic. The heartbeats of other people drive me to rage.
Drunkenly, I'll give you any number. It will be the last. Throw it out. You can do it, or not do it, anytime. Anytime.
Look askance. I do - I will not comprehend.
I'm still very amicable, very amenableI'll do some of it - not the whole job maybe, but I know how to begin.
Don't be shy, dear.
Who hates me? Who persecutes me? Who defies me? Who are you? Who violates me? Living violates me. I have never recovered from the natural degradation.
Write it this way. Spell it that way. Any way you want.
Come here. Yes, closer. I don't love anything - do you?
It really isn't much of a theorem.
Light flashes on, through, around trees more than people - I would be a vegetable if I could. Chrysanthemums and all autumnal violation - I don't mind. I want it really. God.
I rock back and forth happily. Give me what I want. I am the universe, fissured, partitioned - the origin.
It's not very interesting. Everything means anything else.
Back and forth I rock, thinking of you. Yes, you. When I was fifteen - I was alone - in some world - among symbols you said were alive.
I am a symbol. Not a person. Even my name - you couldn't call me that - Jennifer. You'd never know me really.
Be suspicious. |
