In The Background:
After Departure

Author: DocPaul DocPaul_Inbox@aol.com
Spoilers: Up to Departure.
Distribution: Exclusive to "Cause we know..." & Mud.
Disclaimers: The first four paragraphs belong to Mnemosyne's "3600 Seconds" (used with permission from the author).

4:11 AM

Fumbling with the doorknob, he heard the first soft whimper, and winced as it grew in intensity. As he swung open the door, he could hear her already sobbing, and all he wanted to do was run back to her and promise that he'd never really leave. That he'd always stay with her, and screw the home planet. What did it know about being a home? It had killed him once, and thrown him away. Maria would never do that to him.
Maria had saved him.

It was the Soldier who made him take that first step onto the deck, and the Soldier who locked the door behind him, in one final act of protection for his lover. Only the Soldier could have had enough mettle to make his way down the stairs, towards a distant planet that claimed to be home. Only the Soldier could have forced himself not to look up at the bedroom window, where he knew his lover stood, tears on her lashes, watching him straddle his motorcycle as if it were any other day. Only the Soldier could have actually turned the key.

As he roared away from the apartment building, Michael didn't have to look at the clock to know what time it was. It was 4:15, and he would be late to the overpass. He didn't care; the "home planet" had waited over fifty years for him-- it could wait another four minutes before it sucked him back again.
Maybe Maria was right. Maybe when he got there, the atmosphere would kill him.

He hoped it would.

Michael used his powers to send the jeep over a cliff as Isabel, Max, Tess and Valenti watched. It felt like another goodbye, another final step in leaving forever.

Isabel handed a tape to Valenti. “This is for our parents. Will you give it to them as soon as you're sure we're gone?”

“I will.” Jim never realized how hard it would be to watch these extraordinary teenagers leave, first Alex, and now them.

“Thank you.” Valenti hugged Isabel quickly. As she stepped away, Michael distanced himself from the goodbyes. His control was already slipping. He couldn’t take much more. The worse, most painful goodbye had already left him in shreds. It already felt like he was having a heart attack.

Jim hugged Tess goodbye and in so many ways she was the hardest to let go. Over the past few months she had turned him and Kyle’s life back into a family and home.

“Look, I need you to protect Liz, Maria and Kyle.” Max couldn’t shake the guilt of leaving their friends behind unprotected and in danger. This felt wrong, very wrong. He wished he had listened to Michael and not activated the Granilith until the danger was resolved, but with Tess and the baby, time was too short.

“With my life.” Valenti looked at the young man who mere years ago had been a boy hiding a secret that he risked to save a young girl. “It's been an honor to know you Max. It's been an honor.” Valenti hugged the young man that gave him back his son’s life, and unlike Kyle, he had never blamed Max for the risk that Kyle had been in, because he knew that it had been his relentless search for the truth that had put Kyle in harms way, not Max or the others. All Max did was try to protect himself from real enemies, exposure, and ultimately he had given Jim back his world.

“Same here.” Max walked away from his human life and joined Tess and the other as they walked through the tunnel leaving Earth behind.

Michael couldn't resist one last look back. It was strange to think that he would ever feel the need to look back, because he had always felt that when the time came to return to their home world, he would leave with no regrets. He was wrong. Every step forward was like walking with lead in his shoes. It took all his concentration to continue the journey, and though surrounded by his life long friends, he felt nothing. He was already dead, and his body was too stupid not to just lie down and die. Guess it was true, you couldn’t live without your heart.

He could still feel her on his body. The soft silky feel of her hair under his fingertips and the feel of her hands on him. In eighteen years of life, and technically only twelve living ones, her loving hands were almost exclusively the only real human touch, he could remember. Even through years of friendship with Max and Isabel, they weren’t noted for their hands on friendship. The three walked together, but most the time without touching. So except for the back of an abusive hand, a friendly hit to the shoulder from Max, and a few handfuls of hugs from Isabel and Amy DeLuca, Maria was all the love and affection he had ever known. She had been the only person strong enough, stubborn enough, and so incredibly beautiful inside and out to make him want to let her in.

At home in a small wooden box were things that he collected that reminded him of Maria. He had planned to someday take it with him when he left, so he would still have her, in some form. But this morning he realized that he couldn’t take the box, the pieces of Maria, because he already carried her inside him, and the physical memories would only destroy him every time he realized what he had lost, what he gave up. And every step took him farther away from her. He was definitely having a heart attack.



Time was short as they climbed the cliff to the pod chamber. For an instant in time Michael almost prayed that the door wouldn't open, that they would miss the last ride off of Earth, but no luck. The door opened to Max’s touch and they were one step closer to returning …home.

Michael looked up at the countdown device on the chamber wall, and watched Max reach out his hand to transfer into the Granilith. He was having a heart attack. His breathing was shallow in his throat and an icy hand of fear gripped him. This world, her world, Maria, it was here, and Antar? Antar was a place were he died for a cause, where he was betrayed by a fiancée who he couldn’t remember ever loving, and a place that refused to let him rest even after death. He couldn’t believe how deep his ties were for this world, for Maria, and how little he felt for his old one. Lonnie was right. He was defective. He was human.

“Max.... I can't go.” Michael felt the stillness of shock from Isabel beside him without looking her way, and the sudden silence of Max even Tess seemed amazed. Those few words, so simple, so direct allowed him to breath again, to feel his heart beating. “Ever since we came out of the pods, I've been on some quest to figure out where I belong. I finally found home. The weird thing is, it's here, and it’s on earth.” Michael waited for the fight, the protest, but he held his breath and waited, hoping that Max could understand, that home was where your heart is, and his was with Maria.

“You of all people.” Michael felt the amazement in Max and almost a sense of pride, that somehow Michael had finally got it right. And there was a touch of envy, that Michael could make the decision to stay where he was loved, with the one he loved. Max moved towards in him in wonder. How had his brother grown up so much without him even noticing? He should have seen this coming. Max took Michael in a strong hug realizing that his support and loyalty was what had made these years survivable. “Take care of yourself Michael. I love you.”

“You're a great brother.” Michael let Max go. He had to, because one thing he was certain, he could not leave, not without Maria.

“Take care of the others.” Michael shared an intense look with Max, and he knew what that meant. Find Alex’s killer, and protect Liz and the rest from harm, but especially make sure Liz was all right. Michael just nodded his head. The request was impossible. He knew how he felt at the thought of never seeing Maria again, of losing her forever. He couldn’t imagine how Liz was suppose to ever be all right again, because he knew that leaving Maria would have been the death of him.

Max looked over at Isabel. Michael followed his gaze. He knew that if leaving Earth was too hard for him that it had to be worse for Isabel. Whereas he had spent a lifetime avoiding ties and connections that would keep him from leaving, Isabel had not. She had so many ties, so many reasons that Earth was more her home than the one left behind. Antar didn’t have her adopted parents, chances for her to live her life, and there she had been a horrible person betraying her family and people. He could see the struggle, and he wanted to tell her that she could stay, that there was room for her in his family he was building, and she would never be alone. But it had to be her choice, her decision.

“I would understand…” Max didn’t want to lose Isabel, too. Michael was hard, but Isabel was impossible. But this need to return home was his fault, a problem of his making, not theirs, so they should have the choice.

“What you said before, you're my home too.” Max felt heartfelt relief and gratitude as he watched Isabel quickly hug Michael goodbye.

“Well, whoever is coming, we have to go. Now.” They all looked at Tess and then the timer.

Michael gave them one more last look, and left the Granilith chamber. He walked away from his destiny, left a world behind, and stepped through the door into the light of his new home, and for once the opportunity for a real future. He needed to go find Maria.


As he stepped through the door he was shocked to see her standing in front of him. Maria. Maria, Liz, and Kyle had been on the other side trying to get in.

Maria looked up as the pod chamber door open and Michael stepping through. Shock hit her for a mere second before she called to Liz, who had all but given up. “Liz!” Michael was confused and looked to Maria for understanding. “Tess killed Alex!”

“What?” Without pausing Michael quickly re-entered the pod chamber and rushed to the Granilith before it was too late. The others were fast following him, with Liz right behind him. As they rushed into the chamber Michael saw Max ready to touch his hand to the Granilith when Liz behind him cried out.


“Max stop!” Max was shocked to see the other and put his hand down. He didn’t notice Tess moving behind him. “It was Tess. Tess killed Alex.” Liz kept her eyes locked to Max hoping that for the first time in months he would really hear her, understand what she was saying. “She mindwarped Alex and sent him to Las Cruces to decode the book, but he broke out of the mindwarp, and she killed him.” She watched denial and disbelief slowly filter across Max’s face with a sense of impending doom. He wasn’t going to believe her.

Kyle stepped forward when he too saw the disbelief on Max’s face. “It's true, I was there. I witnessed it.”

“Why didn't you ever say anything?” Max couldn’t wrap his mind around what they were saying. It couldn’t be true.

“Because she mindwarped me!” Kyle more hurt than angry moved towards Tess. The horror he felt towards her stark on his face as the pain of betrayal. “You lived in my home, you were like my sister!”

Max turned and stared at Tess watching the emotions filter across her face at Kyle’s words. The remorse and regret hit him first. It was true. “How long?” He asked without removing his eyes from Tess.

Michael looked up at the timer. “About 3 minutes.”

Max could feel the rage and pain replace the disbelief. Kyle hadn’t been the only one betrayed. He had turned to Tess when his relationship with Liz had been over. He had chosen her and the baby over his home on Earth, and everyone he loved. “Everyone out.”

Michael looked at Max and Tess and felt reluctant to leave Max alone with a monster that could manipulate and murder. “Max...”

“Now!” Max could feel the anger rising.

Michael reluctantly left the chambers with the others, but Isabel refused to leave the pod chamber without Max. It had been the same way when they had emerged from the pod chambers originally. He and Isabel were the first to break through the membranes. He had felt the need to run, to find something, somewhere. But Isabel refused to leave. She stayed behind for Max, and Michael had lost them. For Isabel, it had always been Max, and her connection to Michael had also come from Max. He was the common ground that joined them all together.

Michael took Maria’s arm and helped her from the chamber. He wanted her as far as possible from Tess. Once he put his hand on her a sense of relief overwhelmed him. It was hard to remove his hands from her, so he didn’t. He stayed close as they watched for Max and Isabel to emerge.

They could hear the noise and grinding from the outside as the Granilith engaged. With every passing second the noise became louder and louder, and the very rock beneath their feet began to shake. Michael turned to order Maria to get away from the rock face, to move away to safer ground, but looking into her eyes he knew she wasn’t going anywhere without him. So he just pulled her closer to his body as they waited for the others.

Finally Isabel and then Max came through the door. The cliff was breaking up around them with the rock face blowing off and showering down in a barrage of fragments. Taking Maria’s firmly, Michael and the others quickly left the cliff face before it too exploded. When they finally were a distance away all of them turned back to watch the rock face explode at the chamber disintegrated to release the ship carrying Tess away to their past world. Michael pulled Maria even closer as the noise of the propelling ship startled them.


Max looked down at Liz and felt a sense of relief. “I've been really wrong about a lot. But I was right about one thing: To get you into my life, to be around you, to love you.” Liz didn’t say anything as Max hugged her and watched the sky where his past and future had collided, and his unborn son disappeared from sight.

Maria was ignoring Max and Liz. She was too busy looking at Michael, trying to understand what had really happened. “You opened the door and you came out-- why?” Michael looked down at her with all the answers in his eyes. It hit her with a force of understanding, a sense of what he had done. Her hand moved up his shirt to grip him, to hold him. “You stayed for me.”

Michael could understand the amazement in her voice, because it echoed the amazement he felt too. In a thousand years he would have never predicted this happening, and looking down at her, and the wonder in her face, he knew he made the right choice. He wanted to kiss her, to taste her, to reassure himself that she was still with him, but if he did, he wasn’t stopping and they would have to scrape the two of them off the rocks. Pulling her close, Michael watched the sky one last time, saying goodbye to a lifetime of boyish dreams of finding a lost home in the stars. He held Maria so close that her heartbeat seemed to beat in union with his own. He was happy to feel that familiar beat again, because for that short time they were apart, when he was alone, he had really missed his heart.

“What happens now, Max?” Isabel asked after she finished watching the ship move from sight. This was far from over, so where did they go now, and how did they get there?

“I have to save my son...” Max could almost feel Liz’s eyes penetrating his back as she stared at him. For the first time since the whole destiny issue had started over a year ago he was back with his original friends, minus Alex, and replaced by Kyle, and they were all alone. The past year had taken its toll on all of them. Some were stronger, like Michael and Maria, some were feeling lost and unsure with their trust and emotions broken like Isabel and Kyle, and some where damaged almost beyond repair, like he and Liz, and Alex. It was a good question. Where the hell did they go from here?


They all pilled into the Jetta for the trip home, home to Roswell. Michael took the keys from Maria’s hands and tossed them to Kyle. He climbed in the front passenger seat and pulled Maria in onto his lap. He wasn’t willing to let her get to far from him. Max, Isabel, and Liz squeezed into the backseat. Michael told Kyle where to find the place he had left his bike. He was hoping Valenti hadn’t loaded it into his truck or had someone come pick it up. He was in luck. Pushing Maria out of the car, he got out and opened the back door for Max.

“You and Kyle take the Jetta and find Valenti and tell him what happened. Maria and I will meet up with you later. You are going to have to explain the loss of your jeep to your parents.” Max just nodded as he started to get in the seat Michael and Maria had vacated. “Max, you want to find him before he gives them the video tape.”

Michael could feel Isabel's increased awareness of what evidence they had left behind. Max, too, understood what Michael was saying, and also what he wasn’t saying. Michael was telling him to clean up and do damage control, and he would come find him when he was ready. Looking at the two of them, Michael and Maria, standing close together in each other’s arms and knowing what Michael had done, Max didn’t think they would see either of them for the rest of the day. Michael was telling him to make sure everyone leaves them alone. With a nod of acknowledgement, Max told Kyle to go. It was a few minutes later that everyone saw Michael’s bike overtake the Jetta, and rush around it and pull away out of sight fast.

“He’s going to get a speeding ticket,” said Kyle.

Max just shook his head. “Not Michael.”



Michael opened his apartment door in silence. The stillness of the room was so different from the sounds of Maria crying when he left. He barely finished closing the door before he turned and grabbed her, pushing her into the room, kissing her, and then kissing her again. Maria’s hands were all over him, pushing his clothes aside, moving up over his skin.

Michael dropped his head into the crook of Maria’s neck breathing hard. “Just hold on to me. Hold on tight. Don’t let me go.”

“You stayed.” Maria tightened her arms around him feeling the tremors from him move into her body to join the ones in her own. They both were shaking so bad their teeth almost rattled. Her legs felt like they were going to collapse, and she almost felt sick from the fear that had held her all morning long, the fear that she wouldn’t get to him in time, that they would be too late.

“Yes.” Michael finally looked up at her. “I never really left. I just had to convince my self to let go. I’m so sorry I made you cry.” Michael reached up to wipe the tear from her face. “Please don’t cry.”

“Don’t ever leave me again, promise?” Maria asked solemnly.

“Absolutely promise. Never again.” Michael kissed her holding her face in his hands. He was trembling all over, and so was she. “Come take a bath with me. There are things to say.”


Maria just watched as Michael filled the bath this time, removed her clothes and helped her in the bath, and when he joined her, this time he wanted to be the one at the back, where she could rest on him. He loved the feel of her slight weight on him, as he gently washed warm water over her skin trying to erase some of the pain and despair. He knew she wasn’t asleep, but her eyes were closed and her arms encircled him.

“Maria?”

“Hmm?” She rubbed her cheek against him.

“I need to say something to you.” He could feel her reluctance to be disturbed, almost like she was afraid. “This is important, and it can’t wait.”

Maria sat up a little from him, watched his face for a moment, and then nodded. “Here? Or do you want to go in the other room.”

“No here. Something about taking a bath with you has always seemed like when we are our most open and honest with each other.”

“There are other times, too, now.” Michael knew she was talking about when they made love, that they were totally open to each other. But he couldn’t risk being carried away with emotion until he said what he had to say to her. He made that mistake once when he tried to tell her he was leaving, and he didn’t want to fall into that trap again. Maria, his bed, and candlelight was too big a distraction, and even her naked, all wet, and slick against his skin was the same, but here was a place they had always found a sort of communication.

“I know, but I don’t want to communicate with you that way right now. Soon, but not until after I say what I need to say.”

“Okay.” Maria sat up a little more and watched Michael pull himself up a little, too.

Michael took her face in his large hands. Looking deep into her eyes he said a heartfelt, “Thank you.”

Maria paused. She was confused. Was that all? That was what he wanted to say. Her confusion sounded in her voice. “Your welcome.”

“Maria, there are a lot of things that thank you covers. It is impossible to think those two words could come close to paying back, for thanking you for everything you have done.”

“I didn’t do anymore than Liz or Kyle.”

“No. This isn’t about Tess, and her killing Alex. This is about you. This is the debt that I owe you, that Max and Isabel owe you.” Michael watched a frown appear between her brows so taking a deep breath he continued.

“Over a year ago, I pushed away. I told you that I loved too much to take chances on you getting hurt. And I chose to follow my destiny of being a soldier. I didn’t want you near, because I couldn’t imagine it ending anyway but bad.” He saw the pain in her eyes as she remembered that time too. “Then I spent an entire summer ignoring you, not answering your calls, and basically just being cold and cruel. But you never gave up on me. You never walked away and found someone else who would treat better, kinder, with more respect. Every time I needed you, you were there regardless of how cold and mean I had been. You forgave me for things I never could forgive myself for. And when I finally woke up to how much I really owed you, how loyal and devoted you are when there was nothing for you to gain. I felt humiliated, almost too embarrassed to admit that you were the stronger of us all. Liz walked away, and even Alex went on in his own way, but you, you stayed, and helped, even when I gave you no reason to believe that there would ever be anything between us again.”

“Michael…”

“No, let finish this.” Michael finally reached for a towel and got out of the bath, and helping Maria out, he wrapped her in a large towel and carried her into the living room. Sitting down with her on his lap, he finally continued.

“You were the stronger of us. Because you always believed in your love, in my love, even when I gave up, you stayed strong. You didn’t back down, or let me get away with anything. I love that about you the most, that you see all my faults, and yet, you still love me despite them. Many young girls would ignore them, or excuse them, or even try to explain them away, but not you. You always held me accountable for my actions, or lack of actions concerning you. You believed in us, even when, there was no us. You held so strong that you made me want to believe in it, to want it. And finally, you made me not only want it, but to want to fight for it, just as much as you did. Us, you and me, it became my world, my first real home, and I would do anything to protect it, or fight for it, because you taught me that.”

“Michael…” Michael put fingers over her lips as she was slowly shaking her head.

“No, almost finished, I promise.” Michael quickly kissed her and then sat back. “The reason I have to thank you is because of what you taught me about us, about being strong, and this being my home. It made it impossible for me to walk away, to leave you. It was like I was giving up again, giving up on us. I couldn’t do it, because no world, no place, no people could have ever been enough to replace you, replace us. So I finally grew up and realized that I wasn’t returning home, I was leaving it behind. So I stayed. I stayed not just for you Maria, I stayed for me, and I stay for us.”

Maria could hardly see him from the tears filling her eyes. It was like all the strength that held her small body upright for an entire year was finally gone, like it had finally deserted her. She could finally be weak and needy because Michael would be strong just like he was when Alex died.

“I need to thank you for my family, for Max and Isabel. You gave them back to me. If a year ago, you had listen to me and walked, gave up. Today, I would have had no reason to stay on Earth. I would have gone with Max, Isabel, and Tess, and I would have died. We all would have died. You saved us, Maria. You saved me in more ways than one, but in a very indirect way, you save Max and Isabel, too. It was because of you that I walked out of that chamber. I was on my way to come find you. That would have never happened if you hadn’t spent the last year believing in me, in us, and staying strong and loyal, despite all the loss of pride and all the pain I put you through. You saved me. You saved us all.” Michael had tears in his eyes, too. He leaned forward and rested his head against hers and whispered. “You are a debt I will never be able to repay. Maria, you’re my hero.”

“Oh god, too much.” Maria felt so overwhelmed. She moved her arms tight around his neck and buried herself in his body crying tears from deep inside. They wracked her body like the ones she cried for Alex. It was as if the floodgates of a year of loss, pain and sorrow were finally released and she wept.

Michael just held her and let his own tears mingled with hers. She deserved the right to breakdown, to just release the entire burden she carried alone for so long. Maria was a strange woman. People who didn’t know her, or who were too superficial to look beneath that exterior façade she lived her life behind, missed what she was, who she was. There was so much more to her, but in the center of it all was one very large warm beating heart. She was the very seat and soul where love resides. And she was all his.

“No debt,” Maria whispered against his body as his beautiful strong hands gentled her.

“What?” Michael leaned down to hear her better. Pulling back from him, Maria wiped away the tears and looked at him.

“There is no debt.”

“Maria…”

She leaned in and kissed him passionately. “There can be no debt between lovers. The words I love you wipe the slate clean.”

Michael looked at her, understanding what she was saying. “I fall more and more in love with you every day. And just when I don’t think there is any more room in my heart to love you more, I just do.” Michael pulled her close and into another soul-searching kiss. “I plan to love you for the rest of my life, plus a day into eternity.”

Maria could help but give him a watery smile, and taking his head into her hands, she leaned forward and gently kissed his lips. “Now I have to thank you.”



Michael woke to the stillness of his apartment. Looking over at the clock he noticed it was just barely five in the morning. Feeling the bed next to him, he reached for Maria, but the bed was cold. Sitting up, he listened to the sounds of his apartment, but the prevalent stillness clued him into the fact that Maria was gone, and he was alone. The candles they had left burning were almost gutted, but lying back down and turning to where she would have laid, Michael saw a folded piece of white paper. Sitting up again he picked it up and saw Maria’s writing.

“Michael, I had to leave you to get home before my mom woke up. You looked too beautiful to wake, but I did naughty things to your body whilst you slept.” Michael smiled at that. “I love you. Call me later in the morning. Maria.”

Michael fingered the folded white paper, and for some reason opened it to look inside. There was more Maria handwriting. “A thousand poets, for a thousand years dreamed, and then you were born.” Michael refolded the paper, and then opened it again and then re-reads it, over and over. His heart felt heavy, almost in disbelief. She had disarmed him again, snuck up behind his defenses and conquered his heart all over with just a few words. Leaving the bed, he went to a drawer where he kept a special wooden box that he had hand carved himself. Going into the living room, he sat in a chair facing outside, and absently looked at the first glimpses of the coming dawn. Opening the box he looked inside.

There were so many little things he had collected over the years. A tube of lip-gloss, cedar oil in a small vial, a hair fastener, and nail polish she used to paint his toes, a pen he borrowed off her, but never returned. The receipt from their first nookie motel together, a menu from Senior Chows, a picture of them from the Prom, a ring he sucked off her finger and never gave back, and a small golden loop earring he found in his sofa. Taking the note he added it to his personal stash of his memories of Maria. Finally before he closed the box, he noticed another picture. Looking at the picture, he felt the cut deep and hard. Reaching for the cordless phone next to him, he called the number without thinking. For the first time in his life, he called because he could.

“Hello?” Her voice was warm and slurred from sleep, and so inviting. Breathing deep to regain control, his voice still broke when he spoke.

“I need you.” Maria sat up in bed and pushed the covers from her body.

“I will be there.” Michael heard the phone click when she hung up. She didn’t ask. She just said that she would come, because it didn’t matter why, just that he needed her.

Michael looked down at the picture in his hand. It was of the three of them, around the time they were spying on Tess and Nasedo. Alex was smiling real big holding the bugging equipment in his hand with one arm around Maria’s shoulders, and Michael on the other side of Maria with his arm around her waist. He couldn’t even remember who took the picture at the CrashDown that day, but it was the first time he and Alex had really worked together.

Feeling the sensation first in his gut and slowly moving up, overtaking him, it was the wracking sob leaving his body that finally made him drop the phone. So with the picture in one hand, and his other hiding his eyes as he cried, he waited for her. She would make it better, or as good as it could get.

As the sunlight slowly found it way into a new day, dawn burned off as time and life ran on. All of them were speeding down a highway with that yellow centerline rushing towards them and then past almost too quickly to take account of what was lost along the way. If God had seen fit to grant man more than one life, maybe he could alter those events; change them to fit a different reality, to make different choices. But there was no second life, no second chances, just this one life, so those roads not traveled remained a mystery, all that could have been and possibilities lost in dreams and wishes. So as that one life was being lived it was possible in the stillness of early morning, feeling that breeze sweep gently across an awaken mind, to whisper those dreams lost, and in the beauty of realizing what could now never be, feeling its immense loss, that whispering sound of one name, Alex.

THE END

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