mmmm the bible is nice

zandrew rewrite the bible, well not all of it, it like dead dead big, and we really haven’t actually read it, so what this really is, is us putting “thou” and “fishermen” into some sentences, oh yeah and everyone in the bible was from Benton.

we love benton jesus

  • Jesus is like in a kebab shop one day and they’re out of goat, which as you can imagine is really annoying, so he finds a goat and he’s like "like this goat should get like big and that and thou shall all have kebabs" and makes it dead big but it stands on the less well know mate of Jesus called Dwain who was on the dole.

    • 'jesus was from them olden days...'ian ch.1 v.3

  • John the Baptist was like in a river one day (the Blyth estuary) and then got dysentery, which as you can imagine was a bit of a pisser.

  • When they tried to put Jesus on the cross he shot lasers out of his eyes and then flew away making some kind of looser symbol at the Romans, cos, like you know, he was god and that so I think he could have.

  • Jesus had a magic alien friend and space tortoise called Alan and together they had wonderful adventures under the sea.

  • And finally the entire Old Testament happened in Stockport high street in the early 1980’s, e.g. Sampson was a butcher with an afro, and Delilah was a shit hairdressing student from Stockport polytechnic.

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© zandrew and god.