Well... I was sitting in my green chair the other day - much like this one. Of course this chair isn't half as
nice as my green chair but then again, this chair didn't have a starring role in Stay Hungry. But getting back to my
chair, sometimes I'll just sit in my chair for hours at a time. Sitting, waiting, wondering. Most of the time, though, I
just bask in the awesomeness that my chair eminates. It's truly amazing. Actually it's unbelievable. You wouldn't
believe it. That's why it's unbelievable. My chair is extremely comfortable. After long, hard days of working in the side
show, nothing eases my gastral intestinal pain like my groovy green chair. Sometimes I talk to my friend about my
chair.
"Friend," I say, "Have I mentioned my chair lately?". He just snickers. Being a pile of pocket lint, he usually
doesn't have much to say. But man alive is he a loyal friend. Always there when I need a helping hand or a shoulder to
lean on. He likes my chair too. Although I don't see how you can't like my chair. It's in Stay Hungry. Sometimes I get
lost in my thoughts about my chair.
Like the other day... I was sitting in my chair just pondering the aforementioned
awesomeness that my chair eminates and my mind began to drift. I began to think about far away places like Northridge
and long forgotten times like when I was cool. But then I thought about my chair and everything seemed to come into
place. It was as if my chair single handedly could bring the universe into total harmony. I felt as if my chair was floating
atop a high mountain of unleavened bread under a shadow of awesomeness.
Did I mention my chair was in Stay
Hungry? Yes... This is the truth. Ask my friend. Of course he won't answer because he's a pile of pocket lint, but I
truly believe he has feeling too. Just like uncooked bologna. But I digress. My chair truly was in Stay Hungry. Stay
Hungry is a classic piece of American cinema. It was made back in the days when bellbottoms were cool, disco was in
fashion, and really loud shirts with big collars were cool. Hmmmm... That could be last week. But what I really mean
is that Stay Hungry was made in the 70's. Do you know what happened in the 70's? Stay Hungry was made. Do you
see how that works? Arnold Schwarzenegger is in Stay Hungry. Wally thinks he's the best. Wally is my pocket lint
friend. If Wally could talk, he would probably say, "Arnold is the yardstick by which awesomeness is measured.".
That wacky Wally. If he could talk he would say the coolest stuff. Stay Hungry was full of lots of good, plot driven
acting. Stay Hungry was also full of other things.
My favorite scene in Stay Hungry is the scene with my chair. I love
my chair. It's in Stay Hungry, y'know. When I watch the scene in Stay Hungry with my chair I feel like I'm on top of
the world even though I'm really just on top of my green chair - the one from Stay Hungry. Occasionally my mother
brings me my breakfast when I'm sitting in my aforementioned chair of awesomeness.
I love my mother. She
purchased the chair from Stay Hungry. She's the best. I wonder how she got the chair from Stay Hungry. Maybe she
worked on Stay Hungry with Arnold. Maybe she bought it at a garage sale for 50 cents. I love my mother. I love Will's
mother too. She can't get me out of her mouth. She's funny.
I'm beginning not to like the chair I'm sitting in right now.
It doesn't have the aforementioned awesomeness that my Stay Hungry chair has. Sometimes I bring the Stay Hungry
chair with me wherever I go because I don't like sitting in other chairs and my Stay Hungry chair gets jealous. The
other day when I sat on my couch, I could've sworn my Stay Hungry chair cried. My Stay Hungry chair is awesome.
Do you know what awesome is? Awesome is playing disco polka sitting in my Stay Hungry chair on the top of the
Empire State Building naked with three 7-Layer burritos between your toes.
Stay Hungry is awesome but my chair is
more awesome. Some people say I'm crazy for loving a piece of furniture so much but not Wally. If he could talk he
would encourage me to spend more time in my Stay Hungry chair. I feel guilty when I'm at work because I'm not
sitting in my chair. My chair was in Stay Hungry. When I'm at work, I always think about my chair. I try to
concentrate on my work but I just can't because I know my Stay Hungry chair is home, alone with no one's ass to
grace it. Poor Stay Hungry chair. Sometimes at work, someone will break my concentration when I am concentrating
on the aforementioned chair of awesomeness that was in Stay Hungry. They try and talk to me about current events or
the weather. Sometimes they'll try to get me to play cards or backgammon. Sometimes they'll just kick me in the back
of the head. But no matter what they do, I know I have a Stay Hungry chair waiting for me at home. I think they're
jealous.
Not everyone has a chair from Stay Hungry. Only the incredibly fortunate such as me. People try to steal my
Stay Hungry chair. That's why I installed a Lojak system on my chair of aforementioned awesomeness. My chair was
in Stay Hungry by the way. The Lojak system keeps vagrants away from my Stay Hungry chair. Fucking bastards.
They don't know the awesomeness of which they attempt to partake. If you're not careful, the aforementioned
awesomeness will overcome you and cause you to have seizures. I used to be like that. But I overcame that problem and
with the help of Olestra, I have been A.S. (awesomeness seizure) free for over three hours.
I love to watch people gaze
in envy on my chair of awesomeness. Some have tried to purchase my Stay Hungry chair but to no avail. They don't
know the emotional link I have with my chair. If Wally could talk he would agree with me.
I miss my chair. This chair
I'm sitting on now is not as awesome as my chair. My chair at home was in the movie Stay Hungry. The chair I'm
sitting on now makes my ass fall asleep. It's asleep right now. Wake up, sweaty. Wake up. Uh oh. I'd better get up
now and wake up my ass - he's in a deep REM sleep. I'm going to go home and sit in my awesome chair. Did I
mention my chair was in Stay Hungry? If Wally could talk he would say, "Good bye" also. I can't wait to get home and
sit in my chair. My chair was in Stay Hungry.
