| I can see you my sweet Angel in the most loving arms. I know that they are not my own, but I suppose the next best thing. I was supposed to hold you and tell you all the beautiful stories of gardens and fairies that my grandma told me when I was a little girl. I was supposed to give you your Great-Grandma's magic. Instead you are in Heaven with your Great-Grandma, who gets to hold you and tell you all about your mommy, and your sisters who love you so much and wish you could be here with us to hold, and kiss and love and fill with tales of magic and beauty. You're not far though, I can see you in my dreams. Sitting on the clouds with all your little angel brothers, sisters and friends in Heaven. All of you surrounding my grandma in her big blue chair while she tells you all of her magic fairy tales, and all about the wonderful people on Earth who love and miss you ever so much. I can't have you right now, but I know you're safe my darling Angel Marie. Mommy loves you so much |
| I guess I should start from the begining. I found out I was pregnant in October. Our other daughter was only 8 months old, so this one was a suprise. As soon as I knew though, I was in love.We had just moved from California to Texas and due to insurance issues I coudln't get in to see an OB until December 11th. I was so excited to finally be able to hear my darlings heartbeat. It was nerve-wracking watching him move the doppler over my belly....and ...the more he moved...the more I knew something was wrong. He finally told me that he couldn't find the heartbeat, and wanted to send me down for an internal sonogram. Of course I was a wreck. The tech took me in and hooked up the internal sonogram. I hated the silence. Finally she called in my OB to confir...and I was told I had miscarried the baby (I was 15 weeks at the time) , and that she had a high level(near the brainsteam) spina bifida lesion. I instantly broke down in tears. I gave birth to her that day followed by a D&C the next day because of unexpelled tissue.....and my life has never been the same. |
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