| TOW Chandler Can't Cry |
| "You're trying to figure out where you know me from? All right, I'll give you a hint. From porn! Okay? Yeah! Your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porn movie!"-Phoebe Ross: Something could've happened, all right? She...she really dug my sides. And she was definitely giving me the vibe. Rachel: Right. Was it, "Please dont show me another picture of a trilobite" vibe? Joey: You didn't cry when Bambi's mother died? Chandler: Yes, it was very sad when the guy stopped drawing the deer! Joey: Come on, man, there's gotta be something that gets you choked up! Like uh, uh....Oh! What if you saw a three-legged puppy? Chandler: I'd be sad, sure, but I wouldn't cry. Joey: Okay, what if the puppy said, "Help me, Chandler. All the other puppies pick on me." Chandler: Cry? I just found a talking puppy! I'm rich! The Fan: That was Phoebe Buffay, the porn star! Joey: I don't think so. The Fan: No, no, it was! She was in Sex-Toy Story 2, Lawerence of A Labia...and I got her autograph! The guys at the comic book store aren't going to believe this! Joey: Hey Gunther! Don't let that guy in here anymore! He just said Phoebe's a porn star! Gunther: Well, I wouldn't call her a star, but she's really good. You should check out Inspect Her Gadget. Rachel: I am jealous of her? I mean, who does she think she is? Princess Caroline? Monica: You're jealous of Princess Caroline? Rachel: Do I have my own castle? Joey: Phoebe's a porn star! All: What? Chandler: Phoebe Buffay in Buffay: The Vampire Layer. Monica: Hey sweetie! Chandler: Hey! [takes the book he's reading and throws it under the couch but it goes into the kitchen] Monica: [picking up the book] Chicken Soup for the Soul? Chandler: There's no back to this couch! Monica: Why are you reading this? You hate this kind of stuff. Chandler:Yeah I know, but I figuplum a shot y'know? Maybe one of those stories would make me cry and then you wouldn't think I was y'know all dead inside. Monica: Oh that's so sweet! Look Chandler I don't care if you can't cry, I love you. Chandler: Oh that makes me feel so warm in my hollow tin chest. Monica: Stop it! Chandler: No, I mean, come on, seriously think about it, we get married, we're up at the altar and I'm like this. [makes a emotionless face] Monica: I won't care, because I know you will be feeling it all in here. [points to her heart] Chandler: Yeah? Monica: Yeah! And if,we have a baby one day and the doctor hands it to you in the delivery room and you don't cry, so what! And-and-and if we take him to college and come home and see his empty room for the first time, and you got nothing, it won't matter to me. Chandler: Okay, well I won't uh, worry about this anymore then. Monica: And-and-and if I die, from a long illness. And you're writing out my eulogy and you open a desk drawer and you find a note from me that says, "I will always be with you," and you still can't shed one tiny tear, I know you'll be crying a river inside. Chandler: Aww, I love you so.... Monica: What is wrong with you?!!! Chandler: What?! Monica: What?! You can't shed a tear for your dead wife!Now, I left you a note from the beyond! Chandler: So you didn't mean any of that?! Monica: No, you robot!! |