| TOW The Boob Job |
| Chandler:There she is....my perfectly proportioned wife. Rachel: Don't look at me, I never get his jokes. Monica: Thank you? Chandler: No no no. Don't thank me, thank you. Do you know that there is not one single thing that I would change about you? And definitely not...two...single things. Monica: Okay, you're being weird. Do you want sex or did you do something bad? Chandler: No. I just love the way you look! I am warm for your forum. "So I'm out $4,000 and nobody's boobs are getting bigger?"-Joey Chandler: Have you seen our bank statement? Can this be right? Monica: God, I know. I haven't seen my savings take a hit like this since I was a kid and they came up with double stuffed oreos. What happened to all of our money? Chandler: Well I'm not exactly sure what they did but I'm inclined to blame Enron. Monica: Well, I guess with you doing the internship we're just spending more than we're bringing in. Chandler: Yeah, maybe I should quit and get a job that pays. Monica: Oh but you're finally doing something that you love. I mean, I can't ask you to give that up. Although it would be nice if that the thing you loved was finding gold. Chandler: You know what? You know what? I think we're making too big a deal out of this. So okay, we pay our bills a little late this month and maybe next month we cut back on a few things.And maybe we start eating out of Joey's refridgerator for a change. You're a chef. What can you make out of baking soda and beer? Monica: Alright, worst case scenario is we borrow some money from my parents. Chandler: No, we're not borrowing money. Monica: Why not? Chandler: Because we don't do that. We are Bings! If there's one thing that my father taught me was well to always knock before going into the pool house. But the other thing was never borrow money. Monica: Wow. I had no idea you had this much pride. Chandler: That's right. I do. I am your man and I'm gonna get us through this situation even if it means you working twice as hard. Mike: I'm gonna go. Phoebe: Why? Mike: I haven't been home in a couple of days and I need to get some more clothes. Phoebe: Oh you don't have to go. I have something that'll fit you. Mike: [looks at Phoebe seriously] I put that tube top on as a joke. Phoebe: I want you to stay. Mike: I wanna stay to but I've gotten as much use out of these boxers as I can. Phoebe: Why don't you them them inside... Mike: Done it. I'll be back in a couple of hours. Phoebe: I'll miss you. Mike: Me too. [goes out of Phoebe's apartment and then comes back in] You know what? I just realized something. I don't wanna go home. Phoebe: Great! Okay! I'll go get the tube top! Mike: No, no, what I mean is I hate going back to my apartment now. Partly because I live above a known crack den. You know mostly because when I'm there I just really miss ya. So, do you wanna move in together? Phoebe: Wow. Mike Hannigan. Sure know how to make a girl say hell yeah! Mike: So we're doing it? Phoebe: Yeah! Let's do it! Let's live together! [they kiss] Wow. We're really gonna move in together. Mike: I know. Phoebe: I've always wanted to live with a guy. Pick up your socks! Put down the toilet seat! No we are not having sex anymore! It's gonna be fun! Monica: Hey Joey. Joey: Hey. Monica: Listen, I need to know what I'm about to say will never get back to Chandler. Joey: I'd be lying if I said I've never thought about it myself. Chandler is my best friend. It would be wrong. Good [winks at Monica] but wrong. Monica: Okay, first of all it would be great. But that's not what I'm here to talk to you about. I need to borrow some money. Joey: Oh, I don't know Monica. You know, um, lending friends money is always a mistake. Monica: But Chandler lent you money. Joey: And I think he would tell you it was a mistake. Monica: Come on. I just need it for some rent and some other bills. Joey: Oh. Well, how much? Monica: $2,000.00. Joey: Two thousand dollars?! What do you think I am, a soap opera star? Monica: Yeah. Joey: That's right I am! Joey: God, baby-proofing. Why is this such a big deal you know? When I was a kid, it was like 'Whoops! Joey fell down the stairs!' Or, 'Whoops! Joey electricuted himself again.' Monica: Anyway, you are going to get a handyman to install this stuff? Rachel: No. I was just gonna do it myself. Joey: [laughs] You're gonna do it? Rachel: Yeah. Why? You don't think a woman can do this? Joey: Women can. You can't. Rachel: Monica, will you please tell Joey that he is a pig? Monica: [to Joey] You're a pig. [to Rachel] And you can't do this. Rachel: What? What? Come on, I found the hardware store all by myself. Joey: The hardware store is right down the street. Rachel: There is a hardware store right down the street? Phoebe: You know, I've never lived with a guy before. Monica: Oh you know, it's like living with a girl. Only they don't steal your makeup. [looks at Chandler] Unless they're playing 'This is what my sister would look like.' Chandler: Yeah, she's not so cute. Mike: Okay, well I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Phoebe: [points finger at Mike] Okay, well you put down the toilet seat. Mike: Yes dear. Monica: Oh is that a bit you two do? Phoebe: Uh-huh,we're playing you too. [points at Monica & Chandler] Monica: [to Phoebe] We don't do that. [points to Chandler] Tell her we dont do that. Chandler: Yes dear. Ross: I can't believe you guys are moving in together. That's great. I'm happy for you. Monica: I hear wedding bells. Phoebe: Monica, okay, slow down. I'm just excited to be living with him.You know, I don't know, can I some day see being married to Mike? Sure. You know, I could picture myself walking down the aisle in a wedding dress that highlights my breasts in an obvious but classy way. But do I want that house in Connecticut, near the good schools, you know, where Mike and I could send little Sophie and Mike Jr. Oh my god, I do! Ross: Phoebe, I had no idea you were so conventional Phoebe: I know, I guess I am. Oh my god, load up the Volvo, I wanna be a soccer mom! Mike: You ready to go? Phoebe: You bet, roomie. Monica: Don't you mean, groomie? Mike: What are you talking about? Phoebe: Oh please. These guys, we haven't even moved in yet and they have us picking out China patterns "This is easy. Can't do this. [walks away from the drawer and her sleeve is caught] Oh! Wow. Seriously, can't do this."-Rachel Chandler: Hey Joe. Joey: Hey. Chandler: Listen, I need to ask you a favor and you can't tell Monica anything about it. Joey: I thought you didn't have secrets from Monica. Chandler: And that will remain the official party line. Monica and I are having a little financial trouble. Joey: Yeah, I know. Chandler: What? What do you mean you know? Joey: Uh........I just figured it out. You know, you're not working and uh, the economy's bad. Chandler: Oh right. [turns away] Joey: That is the fastest I've ever thought. Chandler: [turns around again] Anyway, I need to some money. Joey: Oh. Sure, how much? $2,000.00? Chandler: Yes, $2,000.00 exactly. How did you know that? Joey: Uh, well I know, uh, how much you use to make and I know how much your rent is. Chandler: Oh, okay. Joey: [as he is writing the check] I am on fire! Chandler: Listen, this is really nice. Did you write a check to Monica for $2,000.00? Did Monica borrow money from you? Joey: Uh...kind of. Chandler: I can't believe her. Did she tell you we were having money problems? Joey: Oh, no, no, no, no it wasn't because of your money problems, it was for something for her. Chandler: What? Joey: Something personal. Chandler: What would she get for herself for $2,000.00 that she wouldn't tell me about? Waitress in Central Perk: Excuse me. Joey: Boob job. Chandler: I dont want her to get a boob job. That's crazy! Joey: Well, it's not that crazy. Okay, making them smaller, that would be crazy! Monica: Hey, you decided to cave in and call someone. Rachel:Yeah, I don't know who I was kidding. I can barely use chopsticks. Monica: Well, my breasts are going to be bigger whether you like it or not! And you know what? It's not just my breasts. My ass is going to get bigger too. Chandler: Your ass?! Rachel: Man, don't be surprised if her hands and feet get bigger too! Chandler: They....do that?! Monica: It's kind of a package deal! Chandler: God, why would you want to do that to yourself? Monica: I thought it was something we both wanted! Phoebe: Hi. Ross: Hey. Phoebe: Listen, I wanted to ask you something about marriage. Ross: Oh great, now you're seeking me out to make jokes. I mean, I could see if we're all hanging out but to come to my home! Ross: I love marriage. Phoebe: Seriously? You, Divorce-O? Ross: If you have to call me a name, I prefer "Ross, The Divorcer". It's just cooler. "Ah, look on the bright side. At least you won't have to live with this ugly chair. That was here already, huh? [Phoebe nods her head] I love you."-Chandler Phoebe: I've never lived with a guy before. Monica: It's just like living with a girl, only they don't steal your make-up. Unless they're playing "this is what my sister would look like." Chandler: Yeah, she's not so cute. Joey: I thought you didn't have secrets from Monica. Chandler: And that will remain the official party line. |