| TOW The Donor |
| "Yeah, Rachel's the one that taught me you don't wear white after Labor Day and you always, always, always have to put on underwear when trying on clothes"-Joey Phoebe: [on cell phone] Okay, great, great bye. [turns off phone] Pain in the ass! That's off, right? [checks to make sure] Joey: What's the matter, Pheebs? Phoebe: Uh, Mike's sister invited me to a party tonight and he's gonna be there. And she's like 'Oh don't worry. I asked him and he's totally okay with seeing you' so now I have to go so he'll think I'm totally okay seeing him. Rachel: Which you're not because you're totally hung up on him. Phoebe: Yeah Rachel: And you're gonna want him to eat his heart out so you're gonna have to look fabulous. Phoebe: Ahh, I didn't even think about that. Ahh, sexual politics! Rachel: Hey Pheebs, I'm taking Charlie shopping. Why don't you come and I'll help you find something? Phoebe: Okay. Joey: Oh, isn't that nice. The three of you trying on slutty lingerie. Rachel: That's not what we're gonna do. Joey: Why would you ruin it? Whose it hurting? Monica: I can't believe this. My uterus is an inhospitable environment. I always tried to be a good hostess! Chandler: Well I can't believe my sperm have low molitiy. When I was growing up, they were sure in a hurry to get places! Joey: How'd it go at the fertility clinic? Chandler: Not as much fun as last time. Apparently you only get porn if you're giving a sperm sample. Ross: So what'd the doctor say? Chandler: Well, there's surrogacy but Monica's dreamt her whole life of carrying a child so she felt watching a surrogate carry it would be too hard for her. Joey: So you're ruling out surrogacy? Chandler: Yeah. Joey: So I don't have to learn what that means? Chandler: Aside from adoption the only other option is insemination so we're talking about sperm donors. Joey: 'Nuff said. I'm there for you man. Where's she, upstairs? Ross: How do you feel about this? Chandler: I wish there was an easier way for us to have a child but there isn't. Joey: Come on Ross, be a good guy. Step up and do it. Ross: What? [Joey leans over and whispers in his ear] What, no! I'm not gonna give them Ben! Charlie: See, I told you I needed someone. Oh, by the way, as a thank you, I would really like to take you out. Rachel: Really? Charlie: Yeah. Actually, Joey and I are going to a movie tonight. Wanna come? Rachel: Oh, I can't. Because I...I've seen them. Charlie: You've seen all the movies? Rachel: Yeah. I'm a big fan...of the movies...motion pictures....the talkies. Chandler: So, how'd you like to have a baby that's half yours, half his? Monica: Excuse me? Chandler: Well, we're talking about sperm donors and Zack may be the guy. He's intelligent, he's healthy, he's althetic...I mean, he's spermtastic. Monica: Chandler, this is crazy! What did you even say to him? 'Come up, meet my wife, give us your sperm!' Chandler: No I invited him up so you'd get to meet him. If we go through a sperm bank you never get to meet the guy...check him out. Monica: Chandler! Chandler: I'm telling you, he's great. Even if my sperm worked him, I think he'd be the way to go! Monica: I'm not gonna be a part of this. You can't just bring some random guy home and expect him to be our sperm donor. [they make noises at each other] Chandler: Zack...[hands him the beer] Zack: Thanks. Do you have a coaster? I don't want to make a ring. Monica: Tell me about yourself, Zack. Ross: I'm meeting with Professor Sherman about my being the key note speaker. Joey: Oh, how's it going. Ross: It could be better. He fell asleep! Joey: What?! But I already bought my ticket to Bermuda! Ross: Barbados. Joey: Fine, I'll rent a car and drive.Ross, you have to get that job! Ross: Well, what am I gonna do? He's cold. Infact, he was talking in his sleep before and I think he wants someone named Fran to spank him harder. "Wow, you look hot. Stop eating-hot. Which is the highest level of hottness."-Joey Chandler: Why? Because his great grandmother was obese? That doesnt matter...our kids are gonna get that from you anyway! Monica: No, that's not it. When we were asking him all those questions before, I...I just realized I don't care if he is the most perfect guy in the world. He's not you. Chandler: Yeah, he's better! Monica: No he's not. If I can't get pregnant by you, I don't want to get pregnant by him or anyone else. Chandler: Really? Are you sure? Monica: I'm sure. Chandler: Oh Thank God cause I don't wanna do this either. I was just doing it because that's what I thought you wanted to do.You know, I'm the husband. I'm suppose to bring the sperm. Monica: So sweet. I love you. [they kiss] Chandler: So you know, this leaves us with... Monica: Adoption. Chandler: How do you feel about that? Monica: I..I think I feel okay about it. Actually, I think I feel really good about it. Chandler: Me too. I wanna find a baby that needs a home and raise it with you. And I wanna mess it up in our own specific way. Monica: So, this is it? We're really gonna adopt? Chandler: Yeah. Monica: Oh my God, we're gonna be parents! Chandler: We are be great parents. Monica: And it could be soon. I mean, think about it. Right now, somewhere out there, our baby could be being conceived. Chandler: Wait. If we're lucky, and be really really quiet, we may be able to hear the sound of a condom breaking. |