Look, I change the way I am around different people because I just want everyone to be my friend. I just try to keep everyone happy. I don’t really hate anyone. I respect people for who they are. Even if they are a low-life piece of shit hypocrite like myself.
I know that if you’re reading this you hate me more, but what the hell. I thought that this could help you understand a little of why the way I am. Now that I know this too, I’ll try to change to fit to everyone’s needs. Not because you said this, but because for some reason I always try to make everyone happy. It’s like an instinct I guess. I hate to have people mad at me. But it’s you life and you can make the decisions you want to make.
Now, my dreams, the few that I had, fuck ‘em. I’m never going to end up some millionare. Or work for Microsoft, or be anything really. It’s said that by age 16, you’re supposed to be able to tell exactly where you’re going to be in life. Well, I can already tell you that I’m going to be a huge nobody. Somebody on welfare that your taxes pay for.
I’m going to stop trying to get a girlfriend so much and so desperately. That’s because I know for damn well sure I’m never going to get one anyhow. So now I think I’ll just be the kind of person who just listens to everything absorbing it, and solving the problems in my head. Not sharing anything with anybody. I finally realized why I’m so God Damn dumb. And why I’m so depressed. I try to do everything right for everyone. And it doesn’t work. So with no further more, I bid you all ado.
The End
Well, this is going to be the last article I make for awhile. Sorry to say (not that you really care.) I was just at the movies with Brian and Kevin. We saw Mr. Deeds. I heard it was supposed to be really funny. I thought it was okay. Parts were funny, but I thought it was kind of stupid. All I know is it made me realize how fucking annoying I am. How many fucking retarded questions I ask how God Damn stupid 90% of my ideas are. It made me wonder if I can even be a normal kid for just one day. My results came back at 10,000 to 1. I don’t understand why I try to always make everyone happy. I always try to make everyone laugh by saying really stupid shit. ½ the time I think they’re laughing with me about my idea. As it turns out they’re laughing at me for my retartedness. I guess maybe for a while I’ll try to just be quiet. Just to let this all sink in. I’ll stop being a fucking jackass. I’ll stop trying to be the class clown. Maybe I’ll just disappear. Maybe I’ll die. I don’t know and frankly, I don’t care. As long as I seem to change a whole lot. (At least in my eyes) I mean Brian is just an all around funny guy. He always had creative ideas. He can think of more shit in 30 seconds that I can in a whole hour. And his shit is 20 times better. Kevin’s just kind of cool to be around. Sure he can be annoying, but no as annoying as some kid talking your ear off. I think I’m done going on those bike adventures. Where I go to peoples houses even though they tell me not to. I’ll go if they really want me to but that’s it. So for a while I’ going to call it quits on everything that I used to do. (Not really everything, but mostly everything.) I’m kind of stuck between identities. I don’t know who I should be. The jackass, or the quiet one who doesn’t say much. I need help.
So far in the 14 years that I’ve lived, I’ve learned 1 thing. Life sucks. And the older you get, the worse life gets. I’ve been thinking suicidal thoughts for 2 years now. And they’re pretty convincing right now.
-Steve-
LAST ARTICLE: SATURDAY JUNE 29th 11:42 pmust say it twice and he’s gone. I hope.
What is an Emotion?
I have one small question. And that is, what is an emotion?
Is it something that you feel? Something you touch? Taste? Is it something you believe? Is an emotion truly a feeling, or is it just a state of mind that you’re currently in?
Can anybody answer my question? Or are you all just too busy with your big busy summer lives. You see people like you (not like me) seem to never have any free-time because you’re playing sports or at the mall or out with friends or on a date with somebody. How come not everybody can be like that? Is it because we need people to do this kind of shit? Do we really as American teens need to have worthless low-lifes? Or do we just nod our heads in agreement to the person next to us even thought we don’t know what we’re agreeing for? Well. If you answered that last one “Yes” then you might have something to think about every morning for the rest of you’re life. If you really want to change yourself; when you wake up in the morning, look into the mirror, in your own eyes and ask, “Is this who I want to be? Are those the friends I wanted? Do the friends I even have treat me like a real person? Or am I just a bunch of bullshit? Is this the way I’m happy looking? If you do that, and take it seriously, you’ll change. Over time. You probably won’t notice it, but you will. Some slower than other too. It’ll happen. I guarantee it. I’m sorry I lied. I asked about 50 questions. Oh well, that’s just like me anyways. Never shuttin’ up. Always being a jackass.
You know what I’ve noticed? I have too much free time. Ever since the doctors claimed me an insomniac, I’ve had way too much free time. I’m always tired during the day and don’t seem too wake up until 8 or 8:30. I mean look at all of the articles that I have. Then look at everybody else’s. They have maybe 1,2,3 or 4. Maybe 5, but that’s it. I have about 20. I think I have too much free time. I need to find something else to do. Sitting in my house in front of my computer all day is really ruining my social life with every-one. My friendships are crumbling. They’re just falling out of the sky. Soon, I’ll have no friend left. Oh well, whatever, never-mind.
I’m A Jackass And I Hate Myself!
God-Damnit! What The Fuck Is The World Coming To? Why is everything suddenly so dull and boring? Why don’t I like life anymore? Whatever. Screw all that.