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Japanese Leader Say Radioactive Waste May Have Contributed To Creation Of Giant Monsters
TOKYO 2008 — In a recent article in online news letter The Onion Former Prime Minister Ryutaro Hashimoto of Japan suggested that “radioactive waste recently discovered in Japan's Nihon Prefecture may have contributed to the development of Kaiju  (giant monsters)” who have wreaked havoc throughout the world since the late 1950s.
   "We are still continuing our investigation into the source of these radioactive-waste deposits," Hashimoto said. "However, it does appear that there may be a link between this waste and monsters such as Gojira (Godzilla) and others, who have so often laid waste to our armies and urban areas."

   Despite acknowledgement by Hashimoto of Japan's role in the origin  of these monsters, other Japanese leaders including current Prime Minister Yasuo Fukuda denied responsibility, contending that these beasts existed long before the occurrence of any radiation leakage.
"There is a strong misconception that these gigantic creatures of destruction were created or mutated directly as a result of radiation," Japanese Diet member Kentaro Kumagai said. "This is simply not true. These monsters pre-date the atomic age by millions of years. Atomic testing in the Pacific did not create Gojira, as many naive souls would have you believe. The blasts merely awoke Gojira from his eons-long sleep at the bottom of the sea, where he had slumbered for a million years encased in a block of ice."
   Fukuoka University physics professor Katsuhiko Ohmori conceded that while Kumagai's theory is plausible, the enormously varied nature of the monsters indicates that, in all likelihood, each one was spawned under different circumstances. These causes may include: runaway pollution, cloning experiments gone awry, underwater nuclear testing, and laboratory Petri-dish mix-ups.

If found even partially liable for the creation of the enormous, beasts that have injured thousands and inflicted massive property damage across the Pacific Rim over the past 40 years, Japan could face stiff international penalties.(1)
   Not everyone agrees on the origin of these Giant Monsters. Members of the cult of Hirotoshi Isayama, in Japan, claim that Godzilla is the disembodied spirits of all of the people killed during the Pacific Conflict (World War II) who died as the result of Japanese aggression and that the monster is seeking revenge against Japan for their sins.
   “Goose Crap!” said Commander Takaki   of The Japanese Self-Defense Force
. “Everyone knows that Godzilla was created by American arrogance as a result of reckless testing of Nuclear Weapons in the Pacific”.
   The most widely accepted explanation is that of Dr. Kyohei Yamane, noted paleontologist who theorized in 1954 that Godzilla was an ancient gigantic dinosaur awakened and mutated by U.S. atomic testing.
   The United States has never accepted blame for the creation of Godzilla or any giant monster. In fact government officials have been strangely silent on the subject except for one time during a press conference in 1973 when then President Richard Nixon said “Trust me, The United States has never done anything so irresponsible and believe me, I would never be a part of any cover up”.
   President Nixon claimed to have proof of America’s innocence on an audio tape. That tape was later found to have a eightteen minute gap when it was subpoenaed by a Senate subcommittee in an unrelated case.

This Story is edited from the origanal article in
Former Prime Minister Hashimoto (center) holds an emergency meeting to discuss giant-monster containment strategies. © Copyright 2008, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.
Statue of Liberty and downtown Manhatten in ruins after giant monster at6ack. - Paramount Pictures' Cloverfield - 2008
Giant Monster Ravages New York
New York City, NY USA May,232007 - An unidentified giant monster (or Monsters) attacked and devastated New York harbor and much of Manhattan this weekend. This attack is being called "Oberation Cloverfield" by the U.S. military  Authorities are refusing to estimate the number dead but it is feared that the number may be in the thousands. Property damages will likely be in the millions of dollars.
   Reports suggest that there was at least one monster that stood several stories tall and that there were many smaller creatures that seemed to fall off of the larger monster.
The attack began at around midnight. when a tanker in the harbor was overturned. Soon after that there was a loud explosion that could be seen and heard for miles away.  It was soon after this that the Statue of Liberty was decapitated. The head was send flying and landed several blocks away.
   It was at this point that many of the population began to panic. Terrified crowds of people tried to flee. Traffic quickly jammed to a stand still. Many tried to evacuate the city on foot. Several hundred people were reported to be on the Brooklyn Bridge when the monster appeared from out of the water and demolished the bridge sending many to their death.
   The creature then came ashore where it went on a rampage stomping and crushing anything that got in its way. Because of its enormous size and strength, it was able to topple several high rise buildings.
   The military was called upon to evacuate Manhattan and try to contain the monster. Conventional weapons seemed to have little effects on the monster. The use of more powerful weapons was being considered including the MOAB the biggest conventional bomb in the military's arsenalt  Authorities wanted to remove as many people as possible before extreme measures were used, however a baggage of explosions went off around 6:15 A.M.. in the area of Central Park.
   Little is know for sure but a source in the military; a Sergent Pryce said “nothing could have lived through that” when asked if the monster was still alive. 
Story By Hockalocker
This was not Godzilla
  “This was not Godzilla” says    Dr. Niko Tatopoulos  when he was asked if the monster that attacked New York in what is being called "the Cloverfield Incident" might be the same monster that attacked  New York in 1998. Dr. Tatopoulos is an expert on nuclear mutation who has worked with the US military in the past.
    The monster that at the time was mis- identified as Godzilla was a giant mutated lizzard that came to  New York to lay eggs. It was killed by the US Arny. Many Americans still identify that monster as Godzilla, but. authorietise have since renamed it Gino or sometimes Zilla.
    That monster, should not be confused with the real Godzilla that has been seen in many parts of the world but is most often seen in Japan.
     The monster from this most recent attack has not yet been identified, but most experts agree that it was neither Godzilla. 
story by Hockalocker

Photo by; Kordite - Rodan at PCN Park in Pittsberg Pa
   Copyright © 2000-2008 Groundspeak Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Rodan Intrupts Pirates Game
  Rodan the flying Kaiju landed at PNC Park interrupting a baseball game in a preseason exabition game causing a panic. Despite earlier reports; there were no causalities.
   Rodan flew away as quickly as it appeared. The game was canceled but PCN Park was reopened the next day.
. Based on a story on

This photo, released last week by the Pentagon, shows Giant Monster Gabara fighting U.S. Troops near Baghdad in Iraq. “This is proof” said President George W. Bush, “that Saddam Hussein was training Giant Monsters as weapons of mass destruction and justifies America’s involvement in the Gulf War”.  - photo by Steve Smart
Robot attacks Japanese Prime Minister
Japan’s first mall-patrolling security robot, the T63 Artemis, attacked Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi. The Prime Minister was not seriopusly hurt in this incident.
based on story

Giant Bees Invade U.S.
DHS Calls For Improved Border Security
   As of 2002, Giant Killer Bees have spread from Brazil to northern Mexico. Now they are beginning to cross into the United States. This has led many people to call for more security along the U.S. southern border. “We don’t mind the illeagal immagrents” Says President George W. Bush. “Most of these alliens are honest hard working people who are assets to the American economy. It’s these damn Giant Killer Bees we gotta stop”!
    “The Secure Border Initiative (SBI) is a comprehensive multi-year plan to secure America’s borders from the migration of Giant Monsters like the Giant Killer Bee.” Says   Department of Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff “We need more agents to patrol our borders, A comprehensive and systemic upgrading of the technology used in controlling the Giant Killer Bees, including increased manned aerial assets, expanded use of Unmanned Aerial Vehicles (UAVs), and next-generation detection technology and Increased investment in infrastructure improvements at the border – providing additional physical security to sharply reduce Giant Killer Bee border crossing”.    
Story by hockalocker
This Giant Bee Downed U.S.  Helicopter shortly after crossing the Mexican Border.  This kind of encounter is happening more often as Giant Bees migrate northward. - Photo By Tonebarge

How to Survive a Robot Uprising - Were you terrified by the Terminator and Matrix movies? Are you afraid that robots may soon take over the world? If so, robotics expert Daniel H. Wilson can settle your fears. In his new book, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising" (Bloomsbury, Nov. 7, 2005), he takes a humorous look at how humans can defeat a robot rebellion.
   Wilson earned his PhD at the Robotics Institute at Carnegie Mellon University and has worked in research laboratories for Microsoft and Intel.
"Some flying robots may be a threat, but my Giant Robot is nice" said Johnny Sokko
Flying robot attack "unstoppable"
  The prospect that suicide bombers and hijackers could be made redundant by flying robots is a real one, according to experts. Now thanks to satellite positioning systems, they can now be programmed to hit targets some distance away with just a few metres (yards) short of pinpoint accuracy. Security services the world over have been considering the problem for several years, but no one has yet come up with a solution.
  Armed militant groups have already tried to use unmanned aircraft, according to a number of studies by institutions including the Center for Nonproliferation studies in Monterey, California, and the Center for Arms Control, Energy and Environmental Studies in Moscow.
  Eugene Miasnikov of the Center for Arms Control, Energy and Environmental Studies in Moscow said these kinds of threats must be taken more seriously.
  "To many people UAVs (unmanned aerial vehicles) may seem too exotic, demanding substantial efforts and cost compared with the methods terrorists frequently use," he said. "But science and technology is developing so fast that we often fail to recognise how much the world has changed."

Copyright AFP 2005, AFP
This story was condenced from the story on...
Daniel H. Wilson discusses his book "How to Survive a Robot Uprising"

Another Monster in Tokyo?
  Rumors are surfacing that suggests that the earthquake that was recently reported to have killed thousands in Tokyo on Januray 18,2003 may not have been natural, but could be the result of another giant monster attack on Japans capital city.
   When the earthquake happened some witnesses claim that they saw a monster emerge from beneath the ground that was over 200-feet long and covered with enormous tentacles.
   Tokyo has been the sight of several other giant monster attacks stating with Godzilla’s first attack in 1954 and as recently as the battle in 2006 between Gamera and the monster Zedus.

Story by hockalocker

Is Godzilla Dead?
No Evidence Says Dr. Yamane
   2008 - Where is Godzilla?
It has been over two years since Godzilla battled Kaiser Ghidorah in Tokyo  in the worst Kaiju incidents in history.  Thousands were killed or injured and much of the city was destroyed.  Kaiser Ghidorah was apparently killed.  The seriously injured Godzilla slipped away into the sea with its young offspring.
   Since that day little has been heard from “the King of the Monsters”.  Rumors have always abounded about Godzilla.  An unverified source suggested he might be living in the jungles of South America.             According to Yuji Shinoda Director the of Godzilla Prediction Network (GPN), “This rumor seems far fetched”.  Godzilla is probably asleep at the bottom of the Pacific.
Godzilla’s absence has led to speculation that the monster may be dead.
   “It is possible.” said Dr. Kenichi Yamane, the world’s foremost expert on Godzilla and the adopted grandson of  Dr. Kyohei Yamane one of the men responsible for stopping the first Godzilla in 1955.  “We know that there are several different individual Godzilla’ and sometimes they die.  We know of this happening at least twice in the past.”
   In 1954 the first known Godzilla
was killed in Tokyo Bay with the Oxygen Destroyer invented by Dr. Daisuke Serizawa.
Then in 1995 another Godzilla died as the result of a melt down”.
   Dr. Yamane went on to say “There is however no evidence that this Godzilla is dead.  Even if it were, I’m sure there are still others out there.”     
Story by hockalocker
This picture of Godzilla was taken in Kobe Japan in 1995.

Exploring our world. Ensuring your future.
Copyright ;  Hockalocker
All rights reserved. 
Tokyo Rebuilding After Destruction
This is downtown Tokyo in 2008 after and amazing rebuilding program. Tokyo Tower is in the center of the picture. It has been rebuild five times in the last 50 years.- photo by Leacyy
This is a picture of downtown Tokyo after the invasion of the Xilien and Godzilla's Final War with Ghidorah in 2005
  2008 - The people of Japan are amazing. Despite countless attacks by giant monster,  The Japanese people continue to survive and rebuild.
   The giant monster attacks started in 1954 when the first Godzilla appeared. That monster was killed by Dr. Daisuke Serizawa’s oxygen destroyer. Before it’s death, that Godzilla did major damage.
   Before long another Godzilla appeared, followed by a host of other monsters including Anguirus, Rodan, Mothra, Ghidorah, the Gargantuas, Gigan, Biollante,  Hedorah, Destoroyah, Orga, Megaguirus, Gamera, Gyaos, Legion, Irys, Zedus.
   In 1995 the entire city of Tokyo was destroyed when an extremely large and powerful Godzilla experienced a cataclysmic meltdown. The city would have been uninhabitable for years due to the radiation which was emmited, if not for the fact that another Godzilla absorbed said radiation.
   Ten years later Tokyo was again devastated during the Xilien invasion and the Final War between Godzilla and Kaiser Ghidorah. This time Godzilla, the most destructive monster in history, actually saved the world when he killed Ghidorah. A statue now exists in Tokyo's Ginza dictrict  commemorating Godzilla.
   Visitors to Tokyo will be surprised to see that almost all of the damage has been cleaned up and rebuilding has taken place. 
Story by hockalocker
Statue of Godzilla in Ginza district of Tokyo.   Images © Muskie McKay
Dinosaur Attacks Up
Giant-Ape Attacks Remain Steady
Waterloo, Ontario, Canada -University of Waterloo  staff reported yesterday that there has been a significant increase in the number of dinosaur attacks on campus in recent weeks. Responding to the recent T-Rex assault on the MC, in which a large dinosaur began to eat passing math students, officials were quick to emphasize that the situation is under control.
   "We've taken every measure possible to ensure the safety of the students here at Waterloo," says Ian Malcolm, Professor of Giant Lizard Studies. "Dinosaurs are no more dangerous than cats or dogs. Sure they may be relentless eating machines with huge teeth, but deep down they are gentle giants."
   When asked about the cause of the increase, Malcolm was evasive. "We believe the cause may be the group of time-travelling math students that have been sighted recently, but we have no way of confirming it. It could just as easily be time-travelling artsies or engineers, or even some sort of nefarious supervillain. At the moment, we can not afford to ignore any possibility, no matter how remote."
Students do not share the university's optimism. "First there were the giant apes, then those dragons back in July. It's like the university is doing nothing to stop the constant monster attacks." says Computer Science student Guy Incognito. "If a guy can't feel safe from dinosaurs on campus, where can he feel safe?"
mathNEWS staff denied any involvement in unleashing either the T-Rex or the velociraptors roaming around Dana Porter Library. They refused, however, to comment on the Robot army roaming around the sixth floor. The T-Rex was unavailable for comment.

Dan Woodley
mathNEWS staff
University of Waterloo (Waterloo, Ontario, Canada)
T-Rex on Campus of University of Waterloo
Super-low Temperature Laser Inventor Dies
General. I.C. Dong, long time member of the covert communistic para-military organization known as “the Red Bamboo” and the inventor of the Super-low Temperature Laser, died as a result of a tragic laboratory accident last week in China.
The Super-low Temperature Laser was used to defeat Destoroyah and to cool down Godzilla during his meltdown.
Since his retirement as a terrorist in 2003, the scientist has been trying to find a peace-time use for his Super-low Temperature Laser as a cure for Erectile Dysfunction. He was frozen to death while trying his idea on himself.
Story by hockalocker