How To
Solve The Taliban Situation

Take all American women who are within
five years of menopause
train us for a few weeks,
outfit us with automatic weapons,
grenades,
gas masks,
moisturizer with SPF15,
Prozac,
hormones,
chocolate,
and canned tuna
then drop us
(parachuted, preferably)
across the landscape of Afghanistan,
and
LET US DO
WHAT COMES NATURALLY!


Think about it!
Our anger quotient alone,
even when doing standard stuff like
grocery shopping and paying bills,
is formidable enough
TO MAKE EVEN
ARMED MEN IN TURBANS TREMBLE!


We've had our children,
we would gladly suffer or die
TO PROTECT THEM
AND THEIR FUTURE!


We'd like to get away from our husbands,
if they haven't left already.
And for those of us who are single,
the prospect of finding a good man
with whom to share life is about as likely
as being struck by lightning.
WE HAVE
NOTHING TO LOSE!


We've survived the water diet,
the protein diet,
the carbohydrate diet,
and the grapefruit diet
in gyms and saunas across America
and never lost a pound.
We can easily survive months in the
hostile terrain of Afghanistan
WITH
NO FOOD AT ALL!


We've spent years tracking down
our husbands or lovers in bars,
hardware stores,
or sporting events...
finding Osama bin Laden in some cave
WILL BE
NO PROBLEM!


Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan
in a new government?
Oh, please . . .
we've planned the seating arrangements
for in-laws and extended families
at Thanksgiving dinners for years . . .
WE UNDERSTAND
TRIBAL WARFARE!


Between us, we've divorced enough husbands
to know every trick there is
for how they hide,
launder,
or cover up bank accounts
and money sources.
We know how to find that money
and we know how to seize it...
WITH OR WITHOUT
THE GOVERNMENT'S HELP!


LET US GO AND FIGHT
THE TALIBAN HATES WOMEN
IMAGINE THEIR TERROR AS WE CRAWL LIKE ANTS
WITH HOT-FLASHES
OVER THEIR
GOD FORSAKEN TERRAIN !


GOD BLESS AMERICA ! ! !


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Copyright © 2001 Darnell Moonda Fugate
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