JOMRea

Hi, I will try to share my story of how I came to leave mormonism...
I came to America with my mother and father and one brother in 1950...from Holland. My father was born into a Mormon family, so I guess you could say I was a generational Mormon. My mom converted after meeting my dad, and having a spiritual experience (dream) when she was young herself, Joseph Smith's story didn't seem that far fetched. My dad was Sunday School President in Holland. Well, after the war, my parents wanted to come to "Zion", Utah, and get married in the Salt Lake temple. So, they sold the butcher shop, sold their stuff, left all family behind, boarded the Niew Amsterdam (ship) and off we went. After arriving in Salt Lake via the train from New York, we settled shortly after in the Salt Lake Valley, bought a new little house on an acre of ground and were the new Dutch people in our small town.
My mom and dad went to church most weeks and my dad was a true tithe payer. My dad and mother had their problems, my dad had a huge temper and got angry for what seemed no reason. I seen her cry a lot. I couldn't understand why. She never did anything wrong. But, my dad ruled the house and his work duty faithfully. My mother always talked about God. She read all the Mormon books and studied. She didn't care for Brigham Young too much though, after reading his articles.

Anyhow, mormonism was taught. I loved God, my (real Father in Heaven). Jesus, His son, saved me from death with the ressurection. Joseph Smith was a true Prophet of God. Plus, we had the only true church on the whole planet! I really had a testimony. I thought if the devel or someone tried to attack me ever, all I would say is "In the name of Jesus, depart!" and they would have to. My parents marrage was so rough, but my mother had two more children cause she thought she had to for the "gospels" sake. Also, she got sealed by proxy to my dads first wife who had died. They went to the temple regularly. Me & my brothers had a good time when we went, good shows on TV and candy. So, going to the temple was good in more ways than one for me. The people in the community were nice, at least to me, as I loved to run up and down the country roads on my horse. The kids treated me quite cold, I was weird, I guess. I loved the horses and not being tied down in the house like all my neighbor girls. My friend & I swam in the canal also, which only the boys did, of course, with our clothes on, which the boys didn't do. Anyway, I liked going to church most of the time, except for the teasing kids. I loved God. I used to cry whenever "I Know That My Redeemer Lives" was sung.
My parents marrage turned more sour and my dad seemed angrier and angrier. He didn't go along with the bishoprics ideas and said so! I always seemd to be an outsider at school and was very sensitive to teasing. I sluffed a lot to avoid it, and asked God to help me. Actually it seemed He did. Also, it helped me to not give int to sexual temptation when I asked for His help. So naturally I never thought or had any idea that my "chruch" could be wrong, much less completely wrong! It made sense to me, I had an earthly father, so I must have a real heavenly Father. Jesus was called God's son, so it fit in my mind that He was a literal son. I thought all the other churches had it all stupidly wrong! They said God did not have a body, well I thought that sounded too weird and mystical. What I was taught was all so natural.

Anyhow, when I was a little older than 17, I met a nice man, through my girlfriend. He was a little slow and after getting caught sluffing one too many times, we used the excuse that this guy and I were engaged to be married!!! We even bought a wedding ring set!! Crazy was the word for it!! My dad flew into a rage and my mother bawled. He started to fist fight him, but now my "fiance" just ducked. I gave the ring back. I had too! But one night after a gigantic blow up with my dad, I asked this guy if he still wanted to get married. We ran off and got married. This guy was so nice but he was slow in some ways.

I really fell in love with him. We had a blast. We both loved to eat! He was Mormon also and we said our prayers before we ate, and we went to church. My life had become very peaceful. I stayed home and in three months, I was pregnant with our first daughter. Life was good. We had made a promise to the bishop to be good and live worthy. We got married in the temple and had our little girl sealed to us. Well, the temple thing kinda shocked me...secret handshakes? annointing? new name only my husband would know? a play with a guy acting like the devil? I couldn't believe it!!! When they said we were going behind the veil, I thought "The Veil", you know, into "the Spirit World" because that is what the terminology inferred to me. The veil was a huge curtain with slits, unbelievable!!! I had to learn certain handclasps. Oh man! Then the blood oaths of having your throat cut from ear to ear, and your guts spilled out if you told about the secrets of the temple. (They have changed them since.) Then the pay le al thing, it all took me for complete suprise!!! It never felt holy at all!

Our marriage was good and we had a son and another girl. My husband had a pretty good job, and I stayed home raising the kids. Time went on, and we had met some people who drank and partied. Neither one of us had ever really done anything like that. So, we went to the bar with them and drank orange juice while they drank. It was a blast. I had a good figure and I disco danced and showed off, and my husband did too. Pretty soon, we started sharing a 6 pack of beer every night. My kids wondered what happened (poor kids). Our going to church went down the tube besides. I knew in my heart that I wasn't really worthy, I used bad language, laughed at dirty jokes, looked at forbidden magazines with my husband.. We threw in the towel on trying to be sooo good and kinda went "wild". But, for some reason, I thought "No matter what, it was the only True Church on the earth and someday we would repent and go back into it." We were just having some fun.

We were just having some fun. My husband thought it too. Pretty soon it was discos and the hilton dance floor every weekend. We were still loving nice parents to our kids and you could wsay we were "nice drunks" when we drank. But my heart started to wander. I loved getting the attention, and a nice looking tall man had grabbed me at a local bar and made me jump. Soon a friendship developed with him.....(continued)