Who Should You Invite to Your Birth?

For some reason, in our society, a pregnant woman seems to be considered "Community Property". As a result, almost as soon as people find out you’re pregnant, they will start giving you all sorts of advice, and as soon as you begin to look pregnant, you run the risk of complete strangers coming up to you and patting you on the stomach and saying "Ohhh, when are you due, dear?" (Don’t assume it will stop once the baby is born! Once you have babe in arms you become the target for unsolicited parenting advice!)

So it stands to reason that many of your friends and relatives will assume they are welcome at your birth, whether you really want them there or not. And, for some reason, this goes double for a Homebirth.

Many women don’t mind having a lot of company during their labor and birth. However, if this is not the case, you need to figure out tactful ways to keep unwanted guests off of your doorstep during labor.

The most obvious way to regulate who is at your birth is to only notify those you want to be there when you start labor. Of course you need to be able to trust them not to tell everyone they know that they’re on their way to your birth! Sometimes, however, this won’t work because someone you really don’t want there really wants to be there, and so you run the risk of offending them "after-the-fact".

Here are some suggestions for deciding who you want to invite to your birth:

Make sure that anyone who plans on attending is in full support of your decision to have a homebirth. If not, they may cause you needless stress by their ever-present disapproval, and hinder your labor.

Explain to people that your birth is a private affair, and you will be glad to have them over to see the baby soon after he is born, but you feel that too many people in the house during the birth could be a distraction.

If you’re not sure whether or not you want someone there, ask them why they want to attend your birth. If you’re not okay with their answer, then you probably shouldn’t invite them!

If you have a parent that insists on coming, but you would rather they not, maybe you could compromise by ‘assigning’ them some work to do to keep them busy and help you out. This works especially well if you have older children who will need to be kept occupied. Grandparents can also be asked to do some cleaning and cooking during your labor to ‘help after the baby is born.’

Try to prevent any problems before you actually go into labor. For example, let everyone know that you would prefer them to wait until the baby is born to begin any celebration they may be planning. It is very distracting to the mom as well as the birthing team for a wild party to be going on in the next room. Don’t be afraid to tell people that you expect them to be on their best behavior during your birth. And by the same token, let them know that if anyone should get too rowdy, you will not hesitate to ask them to leave.

One of the main reasons for choosing a homebirth is so that you can be in control of every aspect of your birth experience. That privilege applies just as much to who should attend your birth as to what position you will birth in!

Note: I am not practicing midwifery at this time, as I feel that the Lord would have me to stay home and focus my attention on my family for this season. However, I believe that homebirth is the best option for most birthing women and their families, and it is in support of this cause that I have included this article on my website. I am glad to offer ideas, suggestions or information to couples who are planning a homebirth. Please email me if you have any questions.