| Mother2Mother Services |
| Education and Support for Nursing Mothers |
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| Nursing a Toddler |
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| Last Updated February 2, 2004 |
| Well, when are children supposed to wean then? |
| You mean I have to nurse my children until they start school? |
| I guess I'm just uncomfortable with the idea of nursing a walking, talking child. I've always thought if they were old enough to ask, they were too old. |
| Non-human primates wean at about the time they are getting their first permanent xxxxxmolars. For humans: 5.5-6 years old. Chimpanzees and gorillas -- the closest primates to us in size and genetics -- are weaned when they are about six times as old as their gestational period. For xxxxxhumans: 4.5 years old. Larger mammals usually nurse their offspring until they have quadrupled their xxxxxbirth weight. For humans: 2.5-3.5 years. Another primate study showed weaning at 1/3 of the adult weight. For humans: xxxxxabout 5-7 years. Another study of primates shows weaning at about 1/2-way to sexual maturity. xxxxxFor humans: about 6-7 years. |
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| This Page: When do children naturally wean? I'm not comfortable with the idea of nursing a walking, talking child. How do I handle criticism about nursing my toddler? |
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| There is no magical age at which children are supposed to wean. Ideally, the mother and child will both grow out of nursing at about the same time, but sometimes, the mother feels she wants to end the nursing relationship before the child is ready, and sometimes, the child ends the nursing relationship before the mother is ready. A natural, biological age of weaning for humans, based on studies of anthropology and comparative biology, is probably between 2 and 7 years of age. Dr. Katherine Dettwyler, an anthropologist and author who has been conducting research on culture and breastfeeding since 1981, has used the following comparisions to the other animals we most closely resemble to determine what would be a "natural age of weaning." |
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| No, not at all. You never, ever have to nurse your child at all if you are totally uncomfortable with the idea (see my commentary at the end of this page). And most children will self-wean much earlier than kindergarten. The point I'm trying to make is simply that you do not have to wean earlier if neither you nor your child are so inclined. It is OK to keep nursing as long as you are both interested in nursing. And if you decide you want to wean your child before your child is interested in weaning, there are gentle ways to nudge your child in that direction. Then again, you might find that your child weans you before you are ready. |
| Oh, we need to start a club! You are not alone -- since breastfeeding is still not especially common in the United States, most of us have not known many people who have breastfed even for a year, let alone more than a year. I know I used to think nursing a walking, talking child was a little strange, too. Then my first child decided to start talking at 6 months of age, and was walking 10 days before her 10-month birthday. And she was still the same baby to me the day after she said her first word as she was the day before, and the same baby to me the day after she took her first solo steps as the day before... and still the same baby to me when she was 366 days old as the day she was 364 days old. My ideas of it being inappropriate to nurse a walking, talking child went out the window. My current nursling, at this writing, is almost 3 years old. If you'd asked me 3 years ago if I'd be nursing a 3-year-old, I'd have said, "Probably not." One thing I've discovered, however, is that many of the ideas I held about parenthood before actually becoming a parent have changed considerably. You may find this to be true, as well. Perhaps, for example, you may feel that co-sleeping is not appropriate, and then find yourself co-sleeping happily. Or perhaps you looked into co-sleeping before your baby was born, wanted to, and discovered that neither you nor the baby slept well with that arrangement. You may feel that it's perfectly fine to allow a baby to cry, until you hear your own baby's cries. Parenthood changes the way you see things. You might discover that you cannot imagine not nursing your toddler. I've learned to never say never, because I might have to eat my words. |
| Actually, I'm very comfortable with the idea of nursing my child into toddlerhood. Unfortunately, I'm getting a lot of resistance from family, friends, and co-workers. |
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| This can be a very difficult situation to be in, especially if the people who are being negative are people you love dearly. Friends and strangers are much easier to ignore than family members. You may wish to try to determine what the actual issue is with your family member. For example, a parent or in-law may see your choice to nurse as a condemnation of their having formula-fed their children -- as though you were saying, "You weren't as good a parent as I am." A husband may see your breasts as primarily sexual and have difficulty accepting their role in nurturing your children. Keep in mind that family members are usually acting out of love and concern for you and your child -- even if their comments are not appreciated and indicate a certain degree of ignorance on the topic of breastfeeding. One thing to keep in mind is that not everyone who seems negative when they ask, "Are you still nursing?" is actually being negative. They may simply have no knowledge of what is "normal" for nursing. Keeping in mind the old saying that you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar, these might be people you can gently educate about the benefits of extended nursing. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx(More on handling criticism on the next page.) |
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| Next Page: More on handling criticism about nursing a toddler. How do I find a support network for extended nursing? Additional links related to toddler nursing. |
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