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Moto-Humor - continued

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�����Use the link here or at the bottom of the page for more motorycle humor on page two, page three, or page4.
�����Newest jokes are at the top of the list and each new joke/bit begins in RED.

Things you REALLY don't want to hear your mechanic say . . .

�����A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and decided that he needed a career change. He'd always enjoyed tinkering with motorcyle engines so thought he'd become a motorcycle mechanic.
�����The good doctor went along to the Am Inst. of M/C in Daytona Beach, FL, the best m/c mechanics school in the country, and completed the training class. The final exam was to strip a bike engine completely and reassemble it - obviously back into perfect working order. So our gynecologist friend did the test and anxiously awaited the result.

�����The day he received the results he got quite a surprise, he got 150%! He quickly phoned the instructor and queried the mark. The instructor said, "No, no that's right. First I gave you 50% for stripping down the engine -- a very thorough job. Next I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job really. Then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the muffler."

You might be a Yuppie Biker if... - ��*Quotes pulled from Bike & Rider Winter 98

Top 10 Reasons Why Harley Riders Don't Wave at Other Motorcyclists.

Top 10 things likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon fix your bike.

I thought this one up one time on the way to Bike Week in Daytona Beach, FL:

�����Bike Week occurs in early March and the weather can be almost anything, from one day to the next, including snow.� While I don't have statistical evidence, I did notice a lot of guys would bring their bikes by trailer as far as the rest stop on I-95 about 3 miles north of Daytona Beach.� The bikes would be unloaded, guys and their ladies would strap on leathers, helmets, then they "kick the tires and light the fires" and drive the last few miles into Daytona Beach.� I'm sure, when they got home, some said, "Yep, I drove my hawg to Daytona this year!"

�����This may be why "they" say that an old Harley is like a good ol' huntin' dog - both like to ride in the back of pickup trucks and if you leave them in the garage over night, you'll find a puddle on the floor in the morning.

�����While I'm bashing Harleys (not, I hope, a regular feature), there's the old tale about Bubba the Biker:

�����Bubba finally tired of life in the fast lane.� He took his Harley and retired deep into the Maine woods.� After six months of� quiet, one day he answered a knocking on his door.� A guy with a� long scruffy beard, wearing 'bib' overalls and a plaid shirt introduced himself as Bubba's neighbor, Ephram.
��� "Gonna have a party Saturday.� Thought you might want to come."� Ephram said, with a rich Maine accent.
��� "Yeah," Bubba replied.� "It's� been a long time since I had a party. I'll be there!"
��� Ephram� started to walk away, turned, and said, "Ah, I should warn you,� there'll be some drinking."
��� "Hey, no problem, man.� I've put away a few drinks in my time," Bubba replied.
��� Ephram again started to walk away, and again turned and said, "Ah, I should probably� warn you, these parties get a bit rowdy, there'll probably be some� fightin'."
��� "Well, I've been to Sturgis and Daytona, been in a few fights myself. Not a problem." Bubba replied.
��� Ephram began walking away, and again he turned and said, "Ah, I think I should warn you, we usually have a lot of wild, unrestrained sex at these parties."
��� "All RIGHT!� I've been in these woods, all alone, for six months.� I'M READY!" Bubba yelled.
��� Ephram began walking away.� Bubba yelled after him, "Hey, what should I wear?"
��� "Wear what you want, it's just gonna be you and me."

�����Bubba was out riding one fine day, when his bike died on an isolated country road.� Miles from anywhere, no help available, Bubba was in trouble.� Bubba RODE bikes, he didn't know how to fix 'em.� The only sign of life was a brown horse and a white horse in a nearby field.
���� Bubba walked around the bike, cursed, kicked the rear tire, and wondered whether his bike would be here if he went for help, when he heard a voice say, "take off the carb bowl and clean the main jet!".� Bubba spun around quickly, but saw no one.� The only movement was the brown horse, shaking its head over the fence wire.� "I said clean the main jet, Ace!" the brown horse said.� This knocked Bubba on his ass.
���� Eventually, Bubba figured he had nothing to lose, so he followed the horse's instructions and in no time his bike was fixed, fired up, and off he roared.� Straight to the nearest bar.� After downing a string of beers, the bartender came over and asked Bubba if there was a problem.
���� "You won't believe this," Bubba began, "but a horse just helped me fix my bike."
���� "Musta been the brown horse out on the county road," the barkeep replied, his expression unchanged.
���� "WHAT!"� Bubba roared.� "How'd you know that?"
���� "Stands to reason," replied the barkeep, "'cause that white horse don't know shit about bikes."

You might be a biker if ....

Don't want those Gold Wing drivers to feel left out . . .

��An engineer was walking into work when another engineer rides up on a shiny new GoldWing.
��� "Where did you get such a rockin' bike?" asked the first.
��� The second engineer replied "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said 'Take what you want."
��� The second engineer nodded approvingly "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
(Thanks to Fred Buswell)

��And from Canada,� What's the difference between a Goldwing and a logging truck?

�����Gold Wings in Hell

��� There were 3 men - Dave, Jon, and Sam... They were all involved in a tragic car accident in which all 3 died...
��� Now, they all stood there, at the gates of heaven. An angel came up to them and said -"You are all to be allocated a method for transportation around heaven...You will be judged on your past deeds, and will have your transport chosen accordingly..."
��� The angel looked at Dave and said, "You, Dave,were a bad man! You cheated on your wife 4 times!!! For this, you will drive around Heaven on an oldbeat-up Jawa moped..."
��� The angel next looked at Jon and said- "You, Jon, were not as evil....But you still cheated on your wife 2 times... For this, you will forever travel around heaven on an AMF Harley Davidson ..."
��� The angel finally looked at our hero...Sam, and said- "You, Sam, have set a fine example. You did not have sex until after marriage, and you never cheated on your wife! For this, you will forever travel through heaven on a brand new Honda Gold Wing 1500 SE..."
���� A short time later, Jon and Dave pulled up on their cycles next to Sam's Gold Wing...There Sam sat on the ground in front of his magnificent Wing, head in hands, crying...
��� "What's wrong, Sam??? they asked... "You got the Gold Wing!!! You are set forever!!! Why so down???"
��� Sam looked up, ever so slowly opened his mouth and said, "I just saw my wife go by on a skateboard..."
(Thanks to Roy J. Plhak, of Houston, Texas)

�����On the first date, the biker brought his date back to his club's headquarters.� They were sipping beers on a couch in the living room when the club president came roaring into the room on his bike.� He fishtailed to a stop, dismounted, dropped the bike on the floor, peed in the fireplace, downed two six-packs of beer, called three biker chicks into the bedroom and screwed them until they collapsed.
���� "Does he do that every time?" the first biker's girlfriend asked, eyes widely opened.
���� "No, not really," the first biker replied.� "Usually he puts the kickstand down."

�����HOW TO IDENTIFY WHERE A DRIVER IS FROM:

�����I'm pretty sure this is motorcycle related.� In fact, if you find the link to Speedtrap.com, you might need to know this information. Hey, what's that flashing blue light in my rear view mirror?

�����Things NOT to Say When You are Pulled Over:

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Last Updated on 4 May 2000 by Doc Smith Check out more motorcycle humor on page 2, page 3 or page 4!.
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