Justin is a very odd person, anime, computer geek with a heart of sheer gold. This is a guy that really would slay a dragon to defend his women. Unfortunatly, there are no fire eating dragons to slay, here enlies the problem. Justin is trapped in this idea of wanting to live in the middle ages. He would be very happy to fight for love and kill demons and ride away with the girl on his horse. I do not want to live in this age. I am quite happy with techonology and opening my own doors and asking guys out and fighting my own battles. It isnt often I run into man eating dragons, so I really was not in need of saving.
Justin is also very shy and relaxed, and back when I was 15 I was anything but that. I was a partier and very people oriented. I was not happy just sitting around and watching movies and letting life pass by just being with one person. Me and Justin were fire and water it just took me a while to relaize this. When I did relize it we ended it. I broke his heart, and based on the emails I still get from him, it is still not mended.
Yes, Justin has admitted he will always love me. He hasnt dated since me. It saddens me to know I ruined that part of him, but there really isnt much I can do. I have tried ignoring him, tried to talk him into therapy, tried just being friends. Nothing works. He thinks of me as this angel that I am not. Everyone knows I am no angel or any other heavenly creature he thinks of. My hope is that someday he finds a way to move on and finds someone new because he is very sweet, kind,considerate, funny, and smart. He is a good guy and deserves more than sorrow and pain. I didnt mean to break him, and wish I could undo what I did. I cant though so I live with the guilt that someday he may actually kill himself ( as he has told me many of times, even previously), knowing I am partially to blame.