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| Never-the-less... For fans of wilwheaton.net... Rob Matsushita proudly presents Spudnuts: The mp3s. words by Spudnuts reading by Rob Matsushita |
| (image by MissKittyFantastico) (special thanks to Jon Scaffidi, for suggesting to have the links to the original posts) (oh, and, of course, Wil Wheaton, for letting us play in his backyard and scare the neighbors.) |
1. Wesley Crusher: Borg Queen. From 09/25/2001 Entry: "Priorities" 2. Bakula's Package. From 09/27/2001 Entry: "Enterprise" and 09/29/2001 Entry: "Vega$ Baby!" 3. The Wrath Of Spudnuts. From 09/29/2001 Entry: "Vega$ Baby!" 4. Spudnuts' Vacation. From 02/21/2002 Entry: "Still Cool." 5. Jeff And The Cabbage Leaf. From 10/08/2001 Entry: "Redefining National Treasures." 6. You ARE a Has-Been. From 10/05/2001 Entry: "Almost Un-Famous" 7. You Can't Stop Posting. From 09/25/2001 Entry: "Priorities" 8. Celebrity Adventures. From 09/28/2001 Entry: "Store" 9. Change The Name, Bill. Spudnuts' first post on WilliamShatner.com! From 3/4/2002 entry: "Humor." 10. Dale Earnhardt Jr. From 3/28/02 Soapbox entry: "NASCAR!! Bristol." 11. A Threeway For Spudnuts. From 06/08/2002 Entry: "That THAT, Comic Book Guy!" 12. Berries. Due to illness, the part of "Spudnuts" will be played by Christoper Walken. 13. New Slogans For Wil Wheaton Dot Net. From 10/10/2001 Entry: "Paranoid Android." NEW! |
| Extra-special thanks to Spudnuts himself, who is responsible for all of the stuff on these, and for being cool enough to not only dig this, but allowing me to use some of the space on his server. |
| Ahem. Okay, so a while ago I started posting over at WilWheaton.net. A whole lot. While there, there was a guy who was only known as “Spudnuts.” He was crazy, irreverent, and everyone (including and expecially Wheaton himself) became a fan. Once during Wheaton’s online radio show (Radio Free Buritto, now sadly defunct) in which he once referred to Spudnuts and I as the opposite ends of the spectrum—me with my thoughtfulness, and Spud with his irreverence. And then he disappeared. With barely a word. Something about “returning to the mothership.” Well, he was missed. Someone dug up a post he’d made on another board—Lakerboard—that he was taking a sabbatical from everything that he felt was defining him: The internet, movies, and sports. I was moved by this. I wondered about that idea. Once we define ourselves with certain things, are we still ourselves when we remove them? Then, all of a sudden I got worried. In a dark moment of geekest geek geekiness (thank you, Doug), I emailed Wil Wheaton: I guess this is going to be kind of a weird email... I found myself today kind of worried about Spudnuts; his departure seemed so abrupt, yet announced. I guess it's just because so many people peripheral to me seem to be "shipping out" or prepping to go to war. I'm actually crinkling my eyebrows at myself as I write this--it's odd to have this weird kind of concern for someone who I've never even met. See? I told you it was gonna be a weird email. He emailed me back right away: You know, I had similar thoughts. It did seem rather abrupt and out of character, as much as you can know someone's character through semi-anonymous message board postings. Before he vanished, he *did* send me a wonderful spudlike Email, talking about me not getting Win Ben Stein's Money...one of the many things he said was that we shouldn't let the past imprison us, because, good or bad, it's never going to happen again, and robs us of living in the moment. You know, I am a complete athiest, humanist, realist cynic, but Spud spoke to me in just the right way for me to listen, and he said things to me in Email that I really needed to hear. It's enough to make someone consider the existence of angels, or something. My response to his disappearance was the first mp3. By the time Spudnuts returned, I had four mp3s. Spudnuts’ response was shockingly positive: holy shit. I just listened to those MP3s. God-DAMN I am smart. No. Really. Imo rub mysef over here. BRB. Done. Hey. Rob. I mean Bobby the Mat. I mean... Rob. You stole from me. You stole what is MINE. You stole from ME! Now SOMEBODY needs to get a steak knife imitated into their eye legal-law style. But, Bobby the Mat... It's not gonna be you. It's gonna be someone else. Someone else because... Because you say words mine gooder than me. In audio format. I have been kicking around for MONTHS the thought of either: A) Making MP3s of old posts... Lakerboard, Salon, or otherwise. B) Making some MPEGs of me reading my posts in front of... oh... say... a train, some city lights, a dead guy, a tombstone, the rain, a shower stall. And I was gonna get around to it soon, but... Your interpretation is better than mine. Souperior delivery. Really. It has to be. So. WHEN we take this bus trip with that little skirt-boy BITCH television's Wil-fucking-Wheaton you are going to record ALL of my words. I got shit going back... like... well... THIRTY YEARS what needs the Bobby Mat treatment. I wrote this story when I was four called "Farmer Brown vs. The Devil" where the Devil -- fucking Eisner-esque shithole dick cunt-monkey that he IS -- messed all up Farmer Brown's crops for no reason good enough to be known by no one but the Prince of Darkness hisself. So then Farmer... like... GETS A HELICOPTER... and he... he... Farmer Brown... HE... fucks up the Devil but GOOD. Yeah. I drew pictures. But never has it made the transition to talkie. Until now. So, Bobby the Mat, You and me are gonna have words on this... When I get back from my vacation this week to the city where Wil Wheaton lives, but I'm not going to SEE Wil Wheaton because Wil Wheaton is too busy beseeching Hollywood for his MOTHERFUCKING bread instead of calling Bobby the Mat and Spudnuts off the bench to fucking TAKE what is rightfully theirs (and to a lesser extent, his) from the fuck-ass villagers who have no GODDAMNED BUSINESS (the meek shall inherit my boot) opposing Eli Wallach and his fifty strong man, or indeed ANY man who carries armament because I am fittin' to throw this fucking rock down and AI cross-over break some ankles with my... Fuck. ... ... ... ... Lost it. Anyway... Yeah. The audio is good. When I get back. We will talk. And as for the steak knife in the eye? SOMEBODY has to take that steak knife, Bobby the Mat. Not you. But... While I'm gone, you, and Wil, and some other poster PICK SOMEONE who is going to take YOUR steak knife. In. The. Eye. I gotta go home. It's a long drive to Los Angeles. You thought I was flying, right? Please. Posted by Spudnuts at February 8, 2002 05:34 PM So he contacted me, and encouraged me to keep it going. Where is this going? What can we expect from a Rob Matsushita/Spudnuts collaboration? Believe me, I’m just as scared as you. Zap. --Rob Matsushita 3/9/02 |
| A Word Of Explanation |