~Monologue~

Cast: Pegasus as herself

Rumba as himself

Union as shy cub’s agent

Stripes as himself

Pegasus: Thank you! It is so great to be here! It’s a dream for me to host “Beanieday Night Live”… Yeah! Well, that was my dream, and I am your dream. I’m a fantasy creature. I’m a horse with wings. You’ll only see me in the Harry Potter movies. I also think they snuck me in “King Arthur”, and I think they let me play a statue in the sequel to “The Princess Diaries”.

Rumba: Oh, so you think you’re so big just because I’m a little piece of nothing?
Pegasus: Hey, it’s Rumba the tiger, everyone! How’s life?
Rumba: Oh, I’m stuck doing sketch comedy for free while one of my friends is one of the stars of that movie “Two Brothers”. That is a great movie… I cried all the way through, from beginning to end!

Pegasus: I’m sorry.

Rumba: I cried because those tigers made more money than I did.

Pegasus: Hmm… well, I think I’ve got a few bucks in my purse. Maybe I can support you…

Rumba: Oh, that’s okay. I get all my money through the unemployment service.

Pegasus: But you were upset that those tigers…

Rumba: I’m making money, but I want to be rich and famous! I’m famous, but not rich! Why aren’t I rich?
Pegasus: Then go ask your friend from that movie. You said you know him, right?

Rumba: Um… well, I tried to. Roll the clip.

(show videotape of Rumba growling at paparazzi as he looks for one of the cubs from “Two Brothers”)
Rumba: Are you the agent for the shy cub from “Two Brothers”?
Agent: Yes. What do you want?
Rumba: I’m Rumba from “Beanieday Night Live”, and I need to see the shy cub from “Two Brothers” for a second. I’m a very good friend of his, and I need to ask him for a loan.

Agent: I’m sorry, this is not the time or place to discuss financial matters.

Rumba: ROAR!
Agent: That “roar” crap doesn’t work on me. Security!

(back to stage)
Rumba: So, you see, I got booted out by a bunch of Hollywood crumb-bums.

Pegasus: I’m sorry, Rumba. I guess you’re just a late bloomer.

Rumba: No, it’s not true. I was in the shy crowd. I never…

Stripes: Hey, don’t let those Hollywood rejects step all over you!

Pegasus: Hey… Stripes, what are you doing here?
Rumba: Stripes, what’s going on?
Stripes: Well, that big shot Michael Moore’s making so much money off that anti-Bush movie, so I decided to scare him off while he was competing in one of those donut-eating contests. I made two hundred just by growling at him.

Rumba: And how come it doesn’t work for me?
Stripes: You need to take them by surprise. When the zoo puts a sign on the cage that says “Beware of tiger”, they’ll do as it says. But without the sign, you can do whatever you want to them. When a celebrity’s being crowded by paparazzi, that’s no time to be asking questions!

Rumba: Oops.

Pegasus: Well, hopefully Rumba will reunite with his friend. We’ve got a great show for you tonight, so stick around! We’ll be right back!