~Weekend Update with Seadog~
Cast: Seadog as himself

Baby Boy as himself

Baby Girl as herself

Eggs III as Yours Truly

Sport as Balto

Seadog: Good evening, I’m Seadog, and here are tonight’s top stories:

This Wednesday, yes, and can you believe it? We’re winning! This Wednesday, Beanies outside Chubbley Headquarters in Eaton Socon have toppled the statue of the George Chubbley Bear, a sign that the plush toy company may collapse soon. Also, the Countin’ Sheep are banned from reconstruction efforts.

Ty has created a new bear called Hero in honor of the American and British soldiers serving in Iraq, with proceeds going to the USO. When Ty says he’s running out of Beanie names, he means it.

With a US and UK version posted on the home page, questions arose with both being exclusives. Ty replied, “No, of course not. After all, the USO is greedier than I am.”

A Ty Talk poster has mentioned that it is an insult that Ty did not make an Australian Hero Beanie Baby. Maybe Ty didn’t because Australia has the same flag as the UK. Yeah, I know, it’s a joke! Stupid…

Ty has added a retailer locator site, and when you put in your zip code, it comes up with a listing for all the retailers in your area. Now, why didn’t I think of that? I could have sold my own map of the Beanie world and now you can get it for free. I just lost a million dollars.

According to the Santa Barbara News-Press, the Coral Casino in Montecito, California, which Ty owns, is in need of maintenance, but an article states that it may be closed. So pack your bags, Ty – you’re too greedy for the old folks. And I’ve seen greedy old hacks before and you’re worse.

And in a related story, the Coral Casino Beanie Baby can be found on MetaExchange for four dollars.

Ty lost a bid against Ruth Perryman to keep her from using “Beanies” in her company’s web address, bargainbeanies.com. He lost the bid by five dollars.

And now, here with a debate on the new “peace symbol” bear is Baby Boy and Baby Girl.

Baby Boy: Thank you, Seadog. If you’ve been paying attention this week, the new Peace Beanie Baby bear has the peace symbol officially listed as part of his name on Ty’s web site.

Baby Girl: I will be on the pro side and Baby Boy will be on the con side.

Seadog: All right. Welcome back; do your thing.

Baby Girl: Okay. Now with wars on Iraq and Chubbley, it’s good to see a new Peace bear. Even better, the Peace symbol is in its name. It will encourage people to say, “Peace on Earth and yada yada!”
Baby Boy: Oh, in your vocabulary. Us rotten boys don’t appreciate fine art. Unfortunately, we can’t understand every shape. Is the Peace symbol, like, the 27^th letter of the alphabet or something? Ty is officially calling it the Peace Symbol Bear. Hmm, the next Prince?
Baby Girl: I don’t remember the Prince Beanie Baby having a symbol.

Baby Boy: Baby Girl, you ignorant Snort. You forgot about the singer Prince. If you remember, he used to call himself Prince until he decided to break free and change his name to a symbol. People started calling him crazy things like “The Symbol”, “The Artist”, and “The Artist Formerly Known As Prince”.

Seadog: So, we have “The Beanie Formerly Known As Peace”?

Baby Boy: Yeah! Ty, why the stinkin’ symbol? Now, the bear entered at #13 on the Most Wanted list as well, with the symbol in its name. If that’s its official name, can he change it to Peace when he retires? Like Prince did when his record contract expired?
Baby Girl: Do you even know a song by Prince?
Baby Boy: Um, he did a song called… um, uh… “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”.

Baby Girl: You idiot! You don’t know ‘cause you’re a baby!
Baby Boy: So are you.

Baby Girl: Prince sang “When Doves Cry”, “Raspberry Beret”, “Little Red Corvette”, and “Kiss”!

Baby Boy: But didn’t he also sing “Billie Jean is not my lover”?

Baby Girl: Michael Jackson! He’s a freak, too, you know.

Seadog: In conclusion, Baby Boy theorizes Peace II is a freak?
Baby Girl: I think.

Seadog: Thanks for coming back. Babies Boy and Girl, everybody!

Due to discouraging presale auctions, Ty Europe has stated that the upcoming Shakespeare Beanie Baby will be released with a different name. The press name at this time: Shakespeare.

Last week Ty issued trademarks for the names “Gipper”, “Ronnie”, “Beanie Wishes”, and “Beanie Blessings”. The last two words mean that Beanie Greetings will soon be closed on Ty’s website.

Ty has teamed up with FTD for some reason – probably because he wants to get married to a rose garden.

Ty shocked collectors this Wednesday by retiring the Hallmark exclusive Yours Truly Beanie Baby…

Yours Truly: Sorry I’m late.

Seadog: Oh, here we go again.

Yours Truly: Hi, everyone. I’m a sweetie pie and I want you to buy me… OR ELSE! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Seadog: This is why you can’t stay. You…

Yours Truly: But I’m sweet! Let me stay… OR YOU DIE!
Seadog: No, I’m not going to take that chance. Just leave. You’re retired now.

Yours Truly: Okay, but you know how many of me will come off the shelf? THREE! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Seadog: Yours Truly, everybody!

Former Mary Beth’s Beanies & More employee Karen Gomes has an eBay auction placed up for a paperweight promoting the debut issue, as well as an invitation to the launch party. Though an old invitation, a new launch party will be held in honor of Karen Gomes’ new magazine: I’m Bored and Need a New Job Magazine.

Ty MasterCard’s interest rate went up from 10.99% to 17.99% as noticed by a cardholder when she received her credit statement. But after MC Beanie II retires the interest will go to zero.

A post on the Ty Talk Cyberboard stated that last weekend in the U.S., only 20 stores were shipped new Peace Symbol bears. This is what it sounds like when retailers cry… “do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do, ohhhhh…”

In Midland, Michigan, Pat Jeffries, who made news when her house and Beanie collection burned down, died in a two-car accident. Her epitaph will read “You’re in heaven now, so now you got your Beanies back.” Rest in peace, Patty.

With rescue efforts still going on in Eaton Socon looking for Beanie casualties in the war on Chubbley Bears, one dog is not giving up on helping everyone. Here now with a commentary is Balto.

Balto: Thank you, Seadog. My, you look sick. In Alaska, we call it sicky-sicky!
Seadog: I’m not sick, Balto.

Balto: Okay, whatever. Anyway, of all the Beanie Babies fighting in Eaton Socon, the weakest are the birds. Those birds are defenseless and cannot stand up to the heavy artillery of the Chubbley Bears. The cats have eaten most of them even before rescue efforts could be made. We have purposely let the Chubbley Bears capture them as prisoners of war.

Seadog: Come on, wait a minute. Ty is letting Beanie Baby soldiers turn themselves in as POW’s? Purposely?
Balto: Not turning themselves in… it’s just a way of putting it into war perspective. I mean, woof-woof! Back in Alaska, I didn’t have to take this. There were no soldiers, just sick people. Ah-ah-choo! Ah-ah-choo! No, “Oh, help me! I think a Chubbley Bear stole my heart!” God, these Beanies are cowards! That’s why I have to rescue each last one of them.

Seadog: You’re supposed to. That’s your job.

Balto: In Alaska my job was to run out and get medicine. In England I have to pick up corpses and load them into a station wagon. That’s harder work than pulling on a sled. My only command in Alaska was “Mush!” but when it came to this they told me, “Don’t mush!”

Seadog: Yeah, I get it. Any last words?
Balto: You’re saying I’m going to die?
Seadog: Just tell me whatever last comments you have on the issue.

Balto: Or I die?
Seadog: Forget it. Balto the hero dog, everybody!

A transaction was made on MetaExchange yesterday for a Trotter Beanie Buddy for over 30 thousand dollars. In other news, Lisa Marie Presley’s “To Whom It May Concern” CD was found for a penny on eBay.

And that’s it. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.