~The Rene Foppe Hour~

Cast: Mother as Rene Foppe

Frisco as Lee Meriwether

Pugsly as Edward Powell

Carnation as Roberta Hope

Rene Foppe: Welcome to “The Rene Foppe Hour”, where I, Rene Foppe, discuss current events and moderating my Yahoo Group. As you all know, I am a teacher, and I don’t hate kids. I hate when people raise the gas prices. My car breaks down so many times… anyway, let’s get to our first guest. You might remember him from last week when he presented the Hero Beanie Baby to the Today Show, and if you don’t, we have a clip of his appearance.

(cut to clip)
Lee Meriwether: Mr. Powell, you have anything to say about the bear?
Edward Powell: Bring in Bob Hope! I’m old, I’m tired, and I want to laugh already!
Lee Meriwether: I told you you’re supposed to talk about the Beanie!
Edward Powell: I talked about it with Catty Couric already! Just bring in Bob Hope!
(back to studio)
Rene Foppe: Weird little clip. Okay, making his “Rene Foppe Hour” debut, please welcome, the president of the United Services Organization, Edward Powell!

Edward Powell: Thank you, thank you. Rene, it’s great to see you.

Rene Foppe: You, too, but soon I need to change or else people will stare at my legs. So, what are you planning on doing with the Hero Beanie Baby bear?
Edward Powell: Well, we already have the USA version out, and once we get the British one out, we’ll blow girls away like we did with the Beatles.

Rene Foppe: Wait… the USO launched the Beatles?
Edward Powell: Um… uh, yeah. We loved launching those Beatle bombs.

Rene Foppe: Okay, then. So, what else are you doing to support the troops?
Edward Powell: Well, besides our comedy tour, I think that’s it. I think we need to gain a little money. But the comedy stuff and Beanie junk is all that’s left. Nothing else we do really does much.

Rene Foppe: Hmm, I think that’s a great idea, with the Beanie and everything. Okay, now let’s bring out a good friend of Edward’s, she’s the moderator of the “I Love Beanies and the USO Club”, here’s Roberta Hope.

Roberta Hope: Hi, Eddie! Hi, Ree-ree! How are you?
Rene Foppe: I’m good. Thanks. So, what have you done with your club?

Roberta Hope: Well, I’m making Bob Hope scrapbooks, Bob Hope stationary, Bob Hope magnets, and my favorite, the chocolate covered Bob Hope! I also have a lot of Hero bears, and I have each one signed by a random member of the closest troop to my home, and all proceeds I sell go to the USO!

Rene Foppe: Well, that’s great. I’m having trouble with my club and maybe you can give me a hand. How about you give me $300?
Roberta Hope: Sure, anything if the money goes to the USO.

Rene Foppe: Anything as long as you don’t stare at my legs.

Roberta Hope: Wh-what?
Edward Powell: Um, say, ladies, I made some Bob Hope cookies. How about you have a batch… so I can, you know, get changed?
Roberta Hope: Are the proceeds going to charity?
Edward Powell: I made them just for you, no cost. I bought this all from BJ’s.

Rene Foppe: You bought this from BJ Smith? Oh, I don’t eat things purchased by him. He played a trick on me.

Edward Powell: No, I got this from the store, BJ’s.

Roberta Hope: What do they do with their money?
Edward Powell: The owner gives the employees a fee.

Roberta Hope: And what do the employees do with the money?
Rene Foppe: Quit asking questions, Roberta! If there are material things related to the USO they don’t have to be donated to the USO! There are other people here who are obviously independent! Quit making up your mind like that!
Edward Powell: (silence) She’s right, you know.

Roberta Hope: I think I need to pick up my daughter from jazzercise.

Rene Foppe: Yeah. Go home, please.

Edward Powell: Please. You’re too much of an addict. You’re a fanatic, for…

Rene Foppe: When we come back, the man who causes all the good stuff to be deleted from Ty Talk Cyberboard. Stay tuned.