~Weekend Update with Seadog~
Cast: Seadog as himself

Smartest as himself

Dublin as Richard

Seadog: Good evening, I’m Seadog, and here are tonight’s top stories:

On Ty Talk today, a message states that the May releases in the new Mary Beth’s Beanies and More Magazine will be Dusty the Cubs game exclusive, Sunray the manta ray, Tubbo the hippo, Bloom the flower bear, Red White Blue bear, Bo the dog, Red the potbellied bear, and the June Birthday Bear. Let me be the first to say, Ty, that it’s 1996 again. Those releases sound as if they would be from 1996… your next bear should salute the Macarena!

When pictures were posted on eBay Mr. Beanwell made a post regarding the Beanies on the Cyberboard, but apparently Ty did not accept his post. The reason why: it mentioned eBay merely as “The E” and Ty thought it would get viewers confused with the E! Channel.

The same post states that the new Buddies will be Herder, Poseidon, and Liberty. Many speculate it will be the worst Beanie Buddy set since the Madonna and Guy Ritchie Beanie Buddies were released.

New Punkies will be released, too: Treetop the giraffe, Kitty the lion, Snort the pig, and Slim the hippo. They will be released in honor of Opposite Day.

The Beanie Baby bear Hero was officially made available to Ty retailers on Tuesday. If I were working here two years ago, I would have been saying the same thing.

Michelle Baker, wife of Cubs manager Dusty Baker, got a tour of the Ty Inc. Headquarters and a preview of the new Dusty Beanie Baby to be given away next weekend at Wrigley Field. This is the first tour of the building given since the damn thing ever opened.

The first actual sighting of the Dusty Beanie was on a Cubs game, a new face bear with a Clubby/Unity type of shade and a ribbon similar to Valentino. Because America’s colors are red, white, and blue, and that Ty loves the color blue so much, the MLB will start dying their baseballs blue.

Here now with a commentary on Ty’s international web pages is our own Smartest.

Smartest: Thank you. I traveled back in time this week when I tried to look up my Spanish lesson, and it hit me when I looked in Ty’s guides… they are two years behind on all the international pages. What’s going on, Ty? Are you too busy to update them? Are you too non-Spanish or non-Japanese? I don’t support the French and German sites because of the war.

Seadog: So, you really want Ty to update his international pages?
Smartest: Yeah! Some people want to know what hummingbird, cicada, and lynx mean in Spanish! Some people want to see a different layout! Some people want to see a cheese-eating surrender monkey bear!
Seadog: You’re going a little too off-topic.

Smartest: Nah, I’m just trying to make a point. Ty, had you gone mad without respect for Canada, the UK, and Japan? French people live in Canada! German people live in the UK! Spanish people even live here in America, where the only thing they can understand is “Yo quiero Taco Bell!” and “Livin’ La Vida Loca”! Teach these people, Ty! Teach them about how you can speak a Beanie’s animal type in these four great languages! And if you don’t care about the French, I don’t either!

Seadog: Smartest, everybody!

The Info Beanie polls show Lightning and Mother is the current competition for first place running in the May 2003 election, and I vote for Mother not only because she’s in the cast, but because Lightning is a tired old geezer who should have been retired forever.

This afternoon, stars from the CBS prime-time drama “JAG” made an appearance at Fort Hood Stadium at a children’s festival to sign autographs and distribute Hero bears in recognition of Military Child Month. In other news, stars from “Dawson’s Creek” appeared at the unemployment office.

A Ty Talk poster claims the silhouettes on the Beanie Baby of the Month certificates, which come with paid orders, are the possible remaining seven Beanies of the Month. I’d love to help you out, but sorry, I’m colorblind.

La Rue Horinek is now an official Countin’ Sheep flockist. So, if you live in Kansas, and live near La Rue Horinek, watch out for the “Beware of sheep and Chubbleys” sign on her house.

An authenticated The End Bear with a press release card reading “All good things must come to an end” is currently up for auction on eBay. In other news, look out for a The Beginning Bear with the press release card “What goes up must come down”.

Creative Group Marketing is launching Toy Search America 2003, a nationwide search to find the next hot toy craze. See it premiere on Fox immediately after “Joe Millionaire”, “Mr. Personality”, and their line of other non-“American Idol” reality show garbage.

And also, sometime today I saw a broken image on the peace symbol for the new Peace bear on Ty’s checklist, so I gave it a new name: “X Bear”.

Bean eWonderland has announced they will be closing their news page on April 30. Here now to comment is Bean eWonderland’s news page writer, Richard.

Richard: I can’t stand the news! Every day is the same thing – raffle this, update that. Not retirement this and rumor that. Ty isn’t retiring as much as he used to, and each month it gets more boring waiting for a good news day. How does that make YOU feel?
Seadog: I fall asleep every time I click on a Beanie news site. That’s how irritated I am. Anyway, could you give us an update on the Shakespeare Beanie Baby? You know more about it than I do.

Richard: Shakespeare’s dead! I keep on hearing from my retailer, but today he told me the truth – there was going to be a UK exclusive called Shakespeare but now he’s dead!

Seadog: The guy or the Beanie?
Richard: The Beanie! That was big news for me today; knowing the Beanie I wanted to do a ten-page essay on is dead.

Seadog: Back to your page… you say you’re closing the news page so the site can focus more on selling Beanies?

Richard: You have to spend money to make money, but how much money did I make from doing the news? Nothing. I could have gone on “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire”… could have even cheated through it, but look – I made nothing and did the news site. When the page closes I should join up with the new owners, and then I’ll be rich, rich, rich!

Seadog: Well, come back soon and we’ll talk more.

Richard: Nice meeting you.

Seadog: Richard, everybody! We’ll all miss him! Go post a goodbye message to him at [link does not work anymore]! That’s the news; good night and have a pleasant tomorrow!