~Monologue~
Cast: UK HERO as himself
US HERO as himself
Frisco as Emma Whiskers
US HERO: Thank you, everybody!
Whoo!
UK HERO: Thank you!
US HERO: We’re proud to be here
serving the country by doing our duty tonight…
UK HERO: Which is giving you a
good time tonight on “Beanieday Night Live”!
US HERO: As you know, we’re
charitable Beanies and our funds are given to the USO, so… oh, no need to clap.
We’re happy to do it.
UK HERO: It’s kind of good that
we find the time to…
Emma Whiskers: PORN!
UK HERO: What was that?
US HERO: I’m not sure, but I
think that was…
Emma Whiskers: The USO is a
secret group of porn!
UK HERO: Yep. It’s that bloke
Emma Whiskers. I met her once when I was attacking during the Gulf War, and she
was protesting against the war being a fight to free Hugh Hefner from critics.
Emma Whiskers: I hate the USO!
They should not be saluted! The two HERO Beanies should not have hosted
tonight’s show! They’re a secret group of porno fanatics! The “S” doesn’t stand
for “Service” – it stands for “Sex”!
US HERO: Okay, you protested
enough, you dirty, rotten liar. Get out. You’re interrupting the monologue.
Emma Whiskers: I’m rude to
interrupt? Well, you’re rude to be here tonight for all the kids out there who
wanted to see that Catty Couric person, but their moms are going to click off
because of you freaks!
UK HERO: But we’re good, caring patriots.
Emma Whiskers: See? Patriotic
means porn!
UK HERO: We don’t need you. Shut up.
Emma Whiskers: You don’t need
me? You don’t need me? You DO need me, idiots!
UK HERO: For what?
Emma Whiskers: I will not donate a cent to the USO because they fund
strip clubs!
UK HERO: Get the hell out of here!
Emma Whiskers: NO! Let this be a
lesson to the audience; fall asleep during tonight’s show! Then you won’t have
to hear millions of Americans say, “Oh my God, what did Mr. Beanwell do to
deserve this?”
UK HERO: Um… Emma Whiskers,
a.k.a. liar, liar, pants on fire.
US HERO: We’ve got a smashing
chat for you tonight! We have a special guest appearance by Bunga Raya!
UK HERO: So stick around…
US & UK HERO: We’ll be right back!