~Preschool~
Cast: Pappa as Mr. Raphael

Spunky as Norm

Baby Boy as Jake

Baby Girl as Maria

Red White & Blue as Sammy

Carnation as Jenny

Dublin as Jimmy

Mr. Raphael: Okay, students, we’re about to go into our next lesson. We will talk about growing up.

Norm: Um, Mr. Raphael?
Mr. Raphael: Yes, Norm?
Norm: Um, hi. What is growing up?
Mr. Raphael: Growing up is when you start growing in size, your voice changes, other stuff happens… it all should happen pretty quickly. How old is everyone here?
Jake: Free!

Mr. Raphael: Yes, we are free here in America, but how old is everyone?
Maria: Free!

Mr. Raphael: I’m guessing you don’t know how to make that sound with your tongue, so, okay. Everyone is three years old.

Jake: Yes, free years old.

Maria: It’s great being free!
Mr. Raphael: I see.

Norm: Um, I’m free too, so, if you want to include me in your activity…

Mr. Raphael: Norm, that’s nice, but we can’t all be “free”.

Norm: But that really is my age – I’m free.

Mr. Raphael: Okay. Now, let’s play a little guessing game here. This is a picture of Smart the owl. He was born in 2000, as a newborn. Then he grew into the stage of infancy and then became a toddler. Next Saturday it will be his birthday, and he will turn how many years old?

Sammy: Um… two?

Mr. Raphael: Don’t be shy, people. It’s okay if you get it wrong.

Norm: Um, I know the answer, but I can’t pronounce it.

Mr. Raphael: Try as hard as you can…

Norm: Fuh-ree.

Mr. Raphael: “Fuh-ree? Fuh-ree?” I can’t believe you’re still in preschool! You’re six!
Norm: My mom thought I was too… she thinks I’m allergic to school.

Mr. Raphael: I can’t believe this. This is why I wanted to teach a college course. When you like Beanies, it’s hard finding a path where people will understand the Beanies. This is why I did this!

Norm: I’m sorry, Mr. Ralphiel.

Mr. Raphael: You mispronounced my name, Norm.

Norm: I was lisping.

Mr. Raphael: Jeez, I can’t believe this. Okay, on to the lesson. Toothy the tyrannosaurus – he’s two years old right now and his teeth are still growing. In about one more year or so his teeth will begin to look fully-grown and he will be at what age? Yes, Sammy?
Sammy: Um… I don’t know.

Mr. Raphael: From the way you’re dressed, you come from the land of the thuh –

Sammy: Oh, I know this one! Free!

Mr. Raphael: I was close. Can’t get these people to…

Sammy: Can’t get these people to do what?
Mr. Raphael: I don’t remember. I don’t care, either. I can’t teach.

Jenny: Oh, sure you can, lazy bones. Come on… you know fat fere’s no way you can lose, teach.

Mr. Raphael: Okay… well, I see you really can’t use that sound well. I’ll choose someone else. Jimmy…

Jimmy: Yes, Raffi?

Mr. Raphael: Jimmy - next question: the Decade bear has evolved into so many different colors but they’re all so little. Soon they will begin to look brighter and brighter, but it will happen in due time. The process ends at about which age?

Jimmy: Free!

Mr. Raphael: Okay, I know the crisis: you’re smart kids but you can’t pronounce “three” correctly. So I have one last question for all of you: here is a picture of Germania the German bear.

Norm: Oh, I love him! He’s a hero!

Mr. Raphael: Now, he’s much, much older than all of you. He’s found to be 50 or something in bear years, but in human years, what age is he from his tag?
Norm: I don’t know this…

Jenny: Oh, he’s 12! I have one with me and I did the math.

Mr. Raphael: And how old will he be on October 3 of this year?

Jake: Firteen!
Maria: Yeah, firteen!
Mr. Raphael: I quit! I have to go – you kids annoy the heck out of me. Teach yourselves.

Sammy: So, Norm, what state’s capital is Bismarck?
Norm: Norf Dakota.

Sammy: I better call 911.