~The Wayne Brady Bunch~
Cast: Baby Boy as Mike Wayne Brady

Baby Girl as Carol Wayne Brady

Smitten as Alice

Bo as Bobby Wayne Brady

Seadog as Peter Wayne Brady

Spunky as Greg Wayne Brady

Carnation as Marcia Wayne Brady

Dippy as Jan Wayne Brady

Frisco as Cindy Wayne Brady

Smartest as Sam

Jingle: “Here’s the story of eight Wayne Bradys, we don’t know why they got in such a hunch,

After winning two Daytime Emmys, that’s when they thought they should be the Brady Bunch,

Wayne Brady Bunch, Wayne Brady Bunch,

That’s the way these guys became the Wayne Brady Bunch!”
Announcer: “The Wayne Brady Bunch”, now in tonight’s prime-time lineup between “I Love Lucy Liu” and “The Adventures of Ozzy Osbourne and Harriet Tubman”. Tonight’s episode: “We Need More Guests”.

Mike Wayne Brady: Wow, man, our Wayne Brady kids are growing up so fast.

Carol Wayne Brady: I know. They just won that Silver Platters thing, and what in the heck was that for?
Mike Wayne Brady: I know again, I mean, they were rappin’ and breakdancin’! What the heck?

Alice: I don’t like rappin’ and breakdancin’! Gives me and Sam a headache! By the way…

Mike Wayne Brady: Yo, that ain’t the right grammar!
Alice: Hey, you didn’t use the right grammar either!
Carol Wayne Brady: Come on, chill, woman!
(cut to boys’ bedroom)
Bobby Wayne Brady: Girls! You are so gross! Why do you look that way?
Greg Wayne Brady: Oh, grow up, brother! You know girls are foxy!
Peter Wayne Brady: Greg, what does foxy mean?
Greg Wayne Brady: Hot!
Bobby Wayne Brady: But why are you always visiting, you gross-outs?
Marcia Wayne Brady: Why can’t you chill? My butt looks nice!

Jan Wayne Brady: Girl, why do you always have to look so good? Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!
Cindy Wayne Brady: I think my tooth just came out. It looks nice. I think I’ll put it back in my mouth after I turn it gold.

Greg Wayne Brady: Why? You’re still little. Love what you have.

Cindy Wayne Brady: Why? All I ever get are peanut butter sandwiches!
Greg Wayne Brady: You like them.

Cindy Wayne Brady: Not anymore! I’m fussy! Peanut butter sandwiches aren’t ghetto anymore!
Jan Wayne Brady: I didn’t know peanut butter wasn’t ghetto anymore!

Peter Wayne Brady: I read it in Vibe Magazine yesterday! How come you didn’t know that?
Jan Wayne Brady: I don’t read no damn magazines! I go look on the Internet for the dang info!
Carol Wayne Brady: Hi, kids. What the problem is?
Jan Wayne Brady: Don’t make us peanut butter sandwiches anymore because they’re not ghetto!
Carol Wayne Brady: I’m sorry I didn’t understand you before, but I ain’t paying attention to the current slang. I just use the wrong grammar, that’s all.

Greg Wayne Brady: Well, who’s our first guest?
Carol Wayne Brady: Alice. Alice is our first guest.

Peter Wayne Brady: Aw, she’s always our first guest.

Bobby Wayne Brady: Can’t you get some good celebrities to come on, like Eddie Murphy or Denzel Washington or 50 Cent?
Carol Wayne Brady: I don’t know their addresses.

Jan Wayne Brady: I think there’s a site that tells you addresses of celebs.

Carol Wayne Brady: I ain’t goin’ on no web site!
Cindy Wayne Brady: I hate doing a talk show.

Carol Wayne Brady: Then you didn’t deserve your dang Emmys.

(cut to downstairs)
Mike Wayne Brady: Okay, we’re back with our third of the only three guest stars we ever have on this show: Sam the butcher. The other two are Alice and my wife. Okay, so Sam, what do you sell at your butcher shop?

Sam: I sell meat.

Mike Wayne Brady: What kind of meat?
Sam: Beef, ham, chicken… all that good stuff.

Mike Wayne Brady: Well, thanks for coming. That’s all the time we have on “The Mike Wayne Brady Show”. Tune in to our kids’ shows next after this commercial break. All of our shows are good because we swept the Daytime Emmys!
Carol Wayne Brady: And… cut.

Mike Wayne Brady: I’m sick of this, Carol. Man, if I were a talk show host who only gets three guest stars for each episode, I’d be in the dead zone! Why did we even get Emmys?
Carol Wayne Brady: Because that “Soap Talk” ain’t ghetto.

Mike Wayne Brady: Since when did you start saying ghetto?
Carol Wayne Brady: Picked it up from the kids. They think PB&J ain’t ghetto no more.

Mike Wayne Brady: Then what is?
Carol Wayne Brady: Lunchables.

Mike Wayne Brady: Oh, I hate those things. Too cold. Have you ever seen some dude with the Lunchables going like this? (mimes guy eating food)

Greg Wayne Brady: You are real funny, Dad. But in my opinion, I can beat that. “2 Fast 2 Furious” is coming out next weekend, and I think it’s 2 Boring 2 See!

Mike Wayne Brady: Everything’s going to have sequels… “Dumb and Dumberer” – I think it’s “Dumb and Dumberest”! “Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle”? I think “Charlie’s Angels: Empty Piggy Bank”!

Greg Wayne Brady: What about “Spy Kids 3D: Game Over”?
Mike Wayne Brady: “The Game Should Have Already Been Over”!

Greg Wayne Brady: “The Rugrats Go Wild”… that’s the third Rugrats movie to come out… they got the Wild Thornberrys in it… first of all, why isn’t there a SpongeBob or Fairly Oddparents movie yet? The quality of “Rugrats” and “Wild Thornberrys” has slipped like when I fell into that crack! I think The Rugrats should go wild and stop annoying us in movie theaters! Good for the kids, obnoxious for the parents! And me, as a teenager/talk show host, I don’t wanna see it!

Cindy Wayne Brady: Why don’t y’all wanna see the Rugrats? I love that Susie girl ‘cause she’s black! I am a strong black woman, and I will not stand for you making fun of her, you white people lovers! Can I join in?

Mike Wayne Brady: Go ahead. I’m not at work yet.

Cindy Wayne Brady: “Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life” – more like death since I saw the original!

Mike Wayne Brady: Use that one tonight in your monologue!
Cindy Wayne Brady: Oh, I got another one… “Legally Blonde 2: Red, White, and Blonde” – the woman’s gone backwards! She’s born blonde, then when she gets old she’s going to have white hair and she’ll have to dye it red! She’s going from old to young here! Us talk show hosts don’t do that kind of riduckolous garbage!
Mike Wayne Brady: Okay, that’s great! Now, we need to think of something else to make a ratings spike. How about we make a Beanie desk?
Greg Wayne Brady: Oh, no. We ain’t copying Rosie O’Donnell because she’s fa…

Mike Wayne Brady: What did you say?
Greg Wayne Brady: Phat! P-H-A-T! Phat, meaning cool!
Mike Wayne Brady: I don’t hear anyone using that anymore, so I’m going to assume you called her fat.

Greg Wayne Brady: That’s making an ass out of yourself.

Jingle: “That’s the story of a family of all Wayne Bradys,

And their talk shows stop for now, they need some lunch,

But since we can’t think of any other word that rhymes,

This is how they became the Wayne Brady Bunch!”
Announcer: “The Wayne Brady Bunch” is not in any way affiliated with neither Wayne Brady nor his syndicated Emmy-winning talk show.