~Unicorn Job Interview~
Cast: Mystic as Barcelona

Pappa as Mr. Vance

Frisco as Garfield

Barcelona: Hi, my name is Barcelona. I read your ad in the paper about a horse you need to pull your wagon. I’m a unicorn, but I think I would be good enough, since I look like a horse.

Mr. Vance: I am Mr. Vance, the boss-like guy who will be giving you your jobs and junk. Hopefully you’ll be better than all those other rejects that walked in my door.

Barcelona: Well, I’m very confident about myself, and if you think I’m right for the job, it would be a great thing for me.

Mr. Vance: Okay, now, your resume says that you previously had experience as a mysterious wizard?
Barcelona: Yes. My textbooks were the first four “Harry Potter” books, the Chronicles of Narnia, and the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy. My teacher was Yoda.

Mr. Vance: I am expected to believe this, right?
Barcelona: Yes. I am a mysterious creature who reads mysterious books and talks to mysterious people. Have you ever talked to a mysterious person?
Mr. Vance: Not until now, and I hate it. I don’t know about what you put down for your address… “1313 Mockingbird Lane”? You actually lived with the Addams Family?
Barcelona: Yes, I did. I helped name their new sextets: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.

Mr. Vance: Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo. And for gender, you put down “femamale”?

Barcelona: That’s in unicorn language.

Mr. Vance: Hmm, and soon you’ll talk in Jabba the Hutt’s language?
Barcelona: Jabba? I worked with Jabba! We worked at the Rainforest Café down in Long Island.

Mr. Vance: And who else did you work with – C-3PO, R2D2, and Darth Vader?
Barcelona: I worked with Darth Vader but not those robots. He is my stepfather. It is true.

Mr. Vance: And let’s look at the other jobs you put down… “Vampire slayer”?
Barcelona: My co-worker was Buffy.

Mr. Vance: La-di-da. You worked with a fictional character. I suppose you liked beating up Angel.

Barcelona: I tried not to. He was so cute.

Mr. Vance: Now, here are some odd dead-end jobs you took: “Previous experience as tour guide in the Twilight Zone”?

Barcelona: I took people around the zone to show them talking dolls that kill, girls that vanish, and boys that send people to the cornfields if you don’t treat them right.

Mr. Vance: Okay, now my main problem with hiring you: all that nonsense talk. This is a pretty social job. I understand you’ve had social experience, but with these horses… you need to communicate with them when they’re in trouble, tell them where to send these things, and what are you going to say? “Oh, all you have to do is run across to La-La Land and tell Mr, Wizardsworth what to do with it…” it’s nonsense.

Barcelona: You probably won’t like that I see dead people.

Mr. Vance: Then don’t look at me when I die.

Barcelona: What’s wrong with that?
Mr. Vance: Well, you act like a crazy science fiction nut.

Barcelona: I have worked on the Starship Enterprise, too. I was once married to Captain Kirk.

Mr. Vance: I was once married to Liz Taylor – that good enough for you?
Barcelona: Who’s Liz Taylor?

Mr. Vance: You know what, nevermind. I’ll just move on to the next person. Um, Garfield, can you come in now?
Garfield: Hi, sir.

Barcelona: That’s a cat. What good will she do?
Mr. Vance: She doesn’t talk like the Wizard of Oz.

Garfield: Now, I’m not Garfield the comic book cat, but I worked with him at an Italian restaurant and we were both fired for eating all the lasagna.

Mr. Vance: Well, that’s better rubbish than yours, Barcelona.

Barcelona: It’s still rubbish.

Garfield: I also killed Odie.

Mr. Vance: You know, that’s a cartoon, still…

Garfield: And I married one of the cats from those “Meow Mix” commercials.

Mr. Vance: Barcelona, Garfield, I don’t know what to say, but I think both of you aren’t good for the job.

Barcelona: Well, if it helps, I once worked as a bodyguard for the Blue Man Group…

Garfield: And I was a bodyguard for that cat from “The Brady Bunch”!
Mr. Vance: You know what? You’re weird animals, but I like you. Barcelona, you can pull the wagon, and Garfield… I’ll think of something for you to do later. Maybe you can be a stockbroker or something, I don’t know.

Barcelona: Oh, thank you. I told you I’d be so happy.

Garfield: Me too. I’m buying myself lasagna to celebrate.

Mr. Vance: Just don’t tell anyone what you two do or I reduce your salaries. I won’t accept humiliation in this company.

Barcelona: Yes, sir.

Garfield: Thanks again.

Mr. Vance: Man, I have got to tell my wife about my day. These animals were just crazy.