~Beanie School~

Cast: Rusty as Wise

Baby Boy as Addison

Snowgirl as Snowball

Flaky as 1999 Holiday Teddy

Hodgepodge as Kaleidoscope

Dublin as Shamrock

Woody as Hero

Wise: All right, class, it’s time to open your history books; turn to page 123, “The May 1998 Retirements”. Start reading from “When”, Addison.

Addison: “When Ty decided to retire Beanies on May 1, 1998, he had a hard time thinking about how many Beanies to retire, so he just examined the market and picked out 29 of the most common styles.” Home run!
Wise: Yeah, very good, Addison. I really think your “home run” remark was lame.

Addison: Yeah, but I’m still practicing baseball. I need to remember what a home run is.

Wise: I see. Snowball, why don’t you pick up where Addison left off?
Snowball: “Ty retired Baldy the eagle, Blizzard the tiger, Echo the dolphin, Waves the whale, Jolly the walrus, and Ziggy the zebra, only produced for nearly a year, surprising collectors.” I don’t know why we had to come to school today. I mean, it’s snowing.

Wise: It flurried.

’99 Holiday: Hey, I know the weather, and you are no weatherman. It snowed hard.

Wise: Since when did you two pay attention to the weather?
Snowball: Meteorology is our next class after this.

Wise: Don’t be wise with me. I’m Wise and I can be wise when I want to be wise. Kaleidoscope, can you continue where Snowgirl was?
Kaleidoscope: But I think I’m colorblind.

Wise: You are a cat! Dogs are colorblind!
Kaleidoscope: But I used to be able to see so many…

Wise: I’m writing your name on the blackboard! Shamrock, continue!
Shamrock: “Also retired that day included the bunny trio Hippity, Hoppity, and Floppity, lay-down rabbit Ears, and original nine favorites Patti, Pinchers, and Squealer.”

(Hero raises hand)
Wise: What is it, Hero?
Hero: Now, why did they name a platypus “Patti”? Shouldn’t he have named it “Platty” or “Puspot”?

Wise: Ty was crazy back then. He named his Beanies after his girlfriends.

Hero: How come the book says he never had any girlfriends?
Wise: I’m the teacher! Don’t make me give you detention!
Hero: I’ll be good.

Wise: Okay, let’s do review questions. Snowball, can you tell me which all-black Beanie Baby retired on May 1?
Snowball: Zip.

Wise: Zip? Zip? Why don’t you Zip your mouth and let somebody else give us the right answer?
(silence)
Wise: Ugh! It’s Scottie! Scottie retired on May 1! Why can’t you determine he’s all black?
Snowball: But Mr. Wise, Zip is an all-black cat.

Wise: But when he retired on May 1, Ty gave her white paws. Scottie has black eyes, black fur, and a black nose. He’s the only all-black Beanie Baby and that will be on the pop quiz.

Snowball: You don’t expect us to know that, do you?
Wise: Yes! Why can’t you memorize this stuff?

Snowball: Because I don’t study?
Wise: Yes! Study because your pop quiz will be soon, icicle!

Snowball: I’m a snowman, already. Come on.

(bell rings)
Wise: Your homework is the review on page 126! Hurry up and get out, I’m starving!