~Weekend Update~

Cast: Seadog as himself

Scurry as himself

Smitten as Kiss-E

Seadog: Good evening, I’m Seadog and you’re not.

Tonight’s top story: Ty Warner has bought another house in California. The seven-bedroom, 14,000-square-foot Montecito home is located on the oceanfront and cost more than the other house he had in the area. Soon it is rumored he will fill it with dolphins and try to turn them into PUNKIEs.

tgcsmith: lol

Des103096: wheres the bathrooms?

Pompey Sport will no longer be taking orders for the Pompey Beanie Baby, as they are swamped with mail orders and need assistance. The head of the company said, “So many orders? I thought no one wanted it?”

The Stately Bears collection has been completed with 50 bears for 50 states, as well as the retirement of the first edition Leaf and the Washington DC bear. They are waiting at the unemployment office with 50 checks for 50 lost jobs.

The U.S. Supreme Court rejected a copyright infringement case from Ty against Publications International, which produced the book “For The Love Of Beanie Babies,” which released pictures of the plush toys without Ty’s permission. Now Ty will have to settle for his first loss in 15 years, when he bet the money he made from his Himalayan cats on “Hey, give me a billion on Make-Me-a-Hot-Collectible”!

And today is January 18 - happy birthday to Scurry! Scurry, come on up here!

Scurry: Hey, Seadog! Did you get me a present?

Seadog: This is your present. They made so many of you I couldn’t afford anything decent.

Scurry: Wonder why I was stepped on so much today. I actually like being stepped on. It’s Bones’ birthday today, too, and he got to eat one of me.

Seadog: Best wishes to both of them. Well, see you again soon.

Scurry: Maybe.

Seadog: Scurry ladies and gentlemen!

Collectibles Extravaganza Magazine, licensed by the Webmaster Ms. Janie, has ceased publication. Now Ms. Janie can finally go back to a full-time website and a part-time bathroom break.

Beanie Boppers tush tags have dumped the hologram due to security not being so tight on Boppers, and lack of counterfeiting. Keep your eyes out for the new Beanie Baby to feature the tush tag, Pompey 2: I.M. Counterfeit.

When Kiss-E was introduced on Monday, a leprechaun started standing outside of the Ty Store for some reason. Maybe he wants a compliment on his haircut.

And now, with a commentary on herself, here’s Kiss-E!

Kiss-E: Thank you, Mr. Seadog. I am Kiss-E. If you’ve been listening to those reports about the cloned baby, you’ll probably understand this. You see, Ty loves running in and out of ideas. I’m a clone version of Valentina. Ty was going to take Valentina out of retirement, and he hired a mad scientist to clone one. But the experiment went wrong. My face is all screwed up, like those teddy bears Ty used to make back in the day. You know, the old face bears. He just loved me so much though I’m different. So he gave me all these baby clothes, bottle-fed me, and all of a sudden, he just put me up for sale on the Internet! He doesn’t really love me! He only likes those bears with the round noses, like Peace and Millennium! Why does he want to abandon me?
Seadog: Profit. He likes money. And he keeps one of every Beanie Baby for himself. So, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.

Kiss-E: Well, wait. If he kept bottle-feeding me and gave me all this great stuff, where am I going, to stay in Chicago or to be shipped to New York City?
Seadog: Trust me, Kiss-E; you would rather travel.

Kiss-E: But I love Ty! What if a person who wants me to work for no money buys me and treats me like a slave?
Seadog: And now, Kiss-E! Ta-da!
Kiss-E: You aren’t helping me one bit! You’re a news reporter! You should make sense with the news!

Seadog: I’m Seadog and you’re not.

Kiss-E: Quiet! Ugh! I’m never going to send you a Valentine! Save it for the Smooch bear – she’s not your type!
Seadog: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Um, Kiss-E, everybody!

Fortune the panda was caught stealing at the Gap. He stole $1,000 in bamboo mannequins.

And finally, tonight, a warning to many collectors: beware of new websites coming up claiming to give your old feedback from KNK and Collecting Nation back. It’s possible they can steal more than your personal information. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.