~Monologue~
Cast: Libearty as himself

Decade as himself

Smartest as himself

Seadog as himself

Frisco as herself

Baldy as himself

Soar as himself

Libearty: Thank you, America! America – wow! It’s so great to be here! Here – tonight, hosting “Beanieday Night Live”! I knew I was going to be hosting last month, so I prepared a monologue that took me all month to write. It was too, too long, so I had to cut a lot out. Now it looks like a week’s worth of writing. I really have a lot to present…

Decade: Libearty, I’m sorry…

Libearty: Oh, hi, Decade! What did you want to tell me? You’re not doing the Ty impression tonight?
Decade: Your monologue has been cut down to five days worth of writing. That’s like if you wrote that throughout a week of school.

Libearty: Okay, thanks for reminding me. Hope the cue cards are updated.

Decade: Um, actually, they aren’t. These people are too cheap, so we stick with whatever cue cards we have. I’ll see you later when we do “Fineselled”.

Libearty: We’re doing “Fineselled”? Oh, I love that sketch! Anyway, back to my long and serious monologue…

Smartest: Hi, Libearty.

Libearty: Hi, Smartest! How was graduation?
Smartest: Um… great. Anyway, your monologue has been cut again.

Libearty: Oh, really? To how long?
Smartest: It’s now only one day’s worth of writing. It’s as if you sat on your butt the rest of the week, which isn’t really good, but that’s what we do here at BNL.

Libearty: Oh, dear. I didn’t know I was going to be doing a show with slackers. I thought this was the USO Tour with Bob Hope.

Smartest: Sorry, he ain’t here. See you later.

Libearty: Okay, bye. Let’s get back to where I started…

Seadog: Hi, Libearty.

Libearty: Oh, Seadog, here to tell me if I’ll be doing “Update”?
Seadog: No, I’m here to tell you your monologue’s cut again. It’s now only half an hour of writing. That’s what a one-page essay would probably sound like to read.

Libearty: Well, I think everyone can still understand that.

Seadog: Maybe. It’s their judgment. See you later.

Libearty: Okay. “America…”

Frisco: Libearty, your monologue’s been cut again.

Libearty: Oh, not again, Frisco. How long?

Frisco: Only 10 minutes worth of writing.

Libearty: Is that how long it takes to fill in tax forms?
Frisco: Now Mr. Beanwell says your monologue’s cut to five minutes.

Libearty: How long a song plays for? I might as well sing my monologue… (singing) “I’m proud to be an American, where at least…”

Frisco: Now it’s only one minute worth of writing.

Libearty: Oh, I quit. I’ll read my monologue next weekend at the President’s barbecue…

(glass shatters as Baldy and Soar enter with Bud Light bottles, loud cheers and applause)
Baldy: I scared a lot of people, but here’s the Bud Light you asked for before the show.

Soar: No, he asked ME for the Bud Light!
Libearty: Look, why did you two come here?
Baldy: The people don’t want to hear long, boring monologues. But if it’s for America, then who cares what people think?
Soar: Read your monologue… for America.

Libearty: Yes! I will… for America! We’ve got a great chat for you, so stick around! We’ll be right back!