~Monologue~

Cast: Erin as herself

Scat as Scat Cat

Carnation as Fast Cat

Rusty as Fat Cat

Erin: Thank you! It’s a thrill to be hosting “Beanieday Night Live” tonight, especially since next week is my favorite holiday, St. Patrick’s Day, which is also my birthday, and I invited a few of my friends to come and sing a song about it, please welcome Scat and the Cats! How you doing, guys?
Scat Cat: Fantastic!

Fast Cat: Teeny-weeny-terrific!
Fat Cat: I’m hungry.

Erin: I met these guys at the Nagano Olympics, where I was introduced to the world. They were kicked out because their song was too long and boring.

Scat Cat: All right, we’re going to play “Irish Boogie”.

Erin: Sounds good to me. Play on, Scat and the Cats!

Fast Cat: 1, 2, 3, 4!

(swing music plays)
Scat Cat: “Me want to do the Irish boogie!

Fast/Fat: Yeah!

Scat Cat: Me want to do the Irish boogie!

Fast/Fat: Yeah!

Fat Cat: Catch me Lucky Charms, they’re magically delicious!
Fast Cat: I love to eat Irish soda bread, and-“ Um, Scat, what rhymes with “delicious”?

Scat Cat: Fat Cat, why did you ruin the song?
Fat Cat: I wanted to include Lucky Charms in at least one line.

Scat Cat: Oh, whatever. “Me want to do the Irish boogie!

Fast/Fat: Yeah!

Scat Cat: I love to do the Irish boogie… yeah!”

Erin: I wasted my monologue for this? Your song is an insult to the Irish and it bores me to death! Get out!

Fast Cat: But I work here.

Erin: Okay, you can stay, but the rest of you, get out! We’ve got a great chat for you tonight, and you cats can’t ruin it! We’ll be right back!