~The Curly Show~

Cast: Woody as Curly

Dippy as Leah Dorfman

Luck-E as Harvey Fierstein

Eggs III as Periwinkle

Announcer: You’re watching B! Bear Television. Coming up next, “The Curly Show”.

Curly: It’s the only late night talk show for the bears, by the bears, hosted by a bear, “The Curly Show”! Yeah! Thank you! Wow! This is the most people I’ve had on my show since the cast of “Chicago” was our musical guest! It’s me again, Curly, your favorite Beanie bear! St. Patrick’s Day is coming up, and man, oh man, I found not one four leaf clover. And I took a trip to Ireland with Valentino, and all we came back with is a stinking blarney stone! These things ain’t worth nothing! I wouldn’t kiss it even if it were my mom! Anyway, I got a letter a few weeks ago from a Leah Dorfman, saying “I’ll win this contest if the prize is not Bruno, Puffer, Bernie, Blackie, any bird, Fortune, Teddy, in parentheses, the new one, Iggy, Rainbow, Stinger, or Cubbie. And don’t think about giving me any more Curly!” Now that is the most threatening letter I was ever forwarded! Wow! Here to talk about this letter is Leah Dorfman!
Leah: Thank you. Oh, wait, no thank you. I am not happy to be here. I don’t want any more of you, Curly. Do you know how much of you I’ve won from people? Do you realize I don’t want you anymore?
Curly: So that means you’re dumping me? Why? I can change! I’m rare!

Leah: It’s not you. It’s… the people who sell you in the stores. They want to give me their merchandise because they don’t want it. That’s all. Thanks for letting me on your show. MR. BEANWELL SUCKS!

Curly: Yeah! Thanks for coming, Medusa! Okay, now on to my stand-up: what is the deal with Pluffies? That’s the punch line. Okay, now let’s bring out our next guest. He wore a pink dress to the Grammy awards on February 23, please welcome from the musical “Hairspray” Harvey Fierstein!

Harvey Fierstein: Thank you. Thank you. I’m playing in the Shrine Cave tomorrow night at 7:15. That’s Mountain Time.

Curly: Great. Now, Harvey, I believe you were going to march in Ty’s St. Patrick’s Day parade with a bunch of Beanies and celebrities, but Ty didn’t want you to march. Tell me why?
Harvey Fierstein: Well, apparently Ty thinks I’m G-A-Y.

Curly: I can tell by your voice. You sound like The Rock one minute but the next you sound like a Backstreet Boy. Ha-ha!

Harvey Fierstein: I’m sorry about that. That’s how I sounded the last thirty years. I um, have a crush on someone in the studio right now. He’s a purple bear and he looks sort of like Barney the dinosaur.

Curly: Oh, goodness. Those are the kind of bears I hate. Ha-ha!
Harvey Fierstein: Now, I really want to be with him. I think I’m never going to have the opportunity to fall for a Beanie Baby ever again. I should have taken the #1 Bear when I had the chance. And that PVC Princess was a looker.

Curly: I thought you were…

Harvey Fierstein: I know. But she slapped me in the face when I called her that. But the good thing was because of her I got free backstage passes to Elton John.

Curly: When I had that opportunity I turned it down so I could do the talk show. Hey, I’m still happy and healthy, and also, when I deal with bears like you I can kick you out when I feel like it.

Harvey Fierstein: I’m not a bear. You know, maybe I should leave. It stinks in here.

Curly: I know. It’s a cave. I couldn’t afford a studio, so I work here.

Harvey Fierstein: But before I do, here’s the name of my boyfriend…

Curly: Really? Are you serious? Get out of here! Ha-ha! Ladies and gentlemen, fresh off our studio, Harvey Fierstein’s boyfriend, Periwinkle!
Periwinkle: Hey, Curly. Hello, Harvey, handsome.

Harvey Fierstein: I can’t remember the last time you looked more bearable.

Curly: Okay, Harvey, I believe you’ll be leaving soon, but before you do, tell me what you have planned for the future.

Periwinkle: Harvey and I can’t get married because it’s illegal for us. And, well, I’m quitting today so I can join him and his touring drag people.

Curly: What do you guys do?
Periwinkle: We hold drag races.

Curly: Wait… so, if I were to enter a drag race, I’d have to make my car more female? Like, instead of putting Budweiser or Goodwrench on my car as my sponsor, I’d have to use L’Oreal or Crystal Lite?
Harvey Fierstein: Hmm, we could do that. Give us a call when you want to.

Periwinkle: We’re millionaires already! I could do this for the rest of my life! Hope you’re not a homophobe ‘cause we could use you in a lot of our events!
Curly: I can’t attend them all, but I’ll try to come to at least zero of them. Ha-ha-ha! Oh, I’m on fire today… ‘cause my guests are flaming! I didn’t have any vegetables today with my dinner… I had fruits! Well, I’ll see you two next time, and I’ll try to be square!

Periwinkle: Yeah, anytime, boyo.

Harvey Fierstein: Thank you for the opportunity to have me here tonight. This definitely beat the St. Patty’s Day parade.

Curly: AAH! I forgot the parade! Periwinkle, take over for me!

Periwinkle: Okay, it’s my show now. Welcome to “The Periwinkle Show”! I’m taking over for Curly, who’s probably not coming back in a million years. Harvey, what do you think?
Harvey Fierstein: Like Ah-nold, he’ll be back.

Periwinkle: We’ll see you next time on “The Curly”… oops, “The Periwinkle Show”! Bye!