~The Luck of the Irish~

Dublin as Patrick Moore

Rusty as Billy King

Luck-E as John Kennedy Fitzgerald, Jr.

Clover as John Kennedy Fitzgerald, Sr.

Shamrock as Ted Fitzgerald

Patrick Moore: Top O’ the evening to you, and welcome to “The Luck of the Irish,” the show where we Irish people talk about things like potatoes, blarney stones, U2, and St. Patrick’s Day. I’m your host, Patrick Moore. Since St. Patrick’s Day is two days away, we have a few guests who want to talk to us about it. First we would like to bring out our bandleader, Billy King!

Billy King: What’s happening?
Patrick Moore: Not much. Say, what did you do yesterday?
Billy King: I just went to buy myself a leprechaun to be my slave.

Patrick Moore: Oh, that sounds interesting. Now, we have a few great people from a great family to come talk to us about their celebration, let’s bring one of them out now, they call him JKF because his name is similar to JFK, please welcome John Kennedy Fitzgerald Jr.!

JKF Jr.: Good evening, Pat.

Patrick Moore: So, John, hear you’re headed for Martha’s Vineyard tomorrow.

JKF Jr.: Yeah. It’s my favorite place to visit besides here. I don’t seem to do anything lately except hassle Sports Illustrated to release a swimsuit issue every month.

Patrick Moore: I don’t like Sports Illustrated. I like paying attention to world issues. Do you know that in America the Beanie Babies are planning to go to war with the Chubbley Bears?

JKF Jr.: No. I don’t even care. I don’t collect Beanie Babies. They are American collectibles. I like to collect thimbles endorsed by Bono.

Patrick Moore: So do I. I also like to collect leprechaun hats. Do you know they come in yellow now?
JKF Jr.: Well, you don’t want to get pinched Monday, don’t ya, laddie?
Patrick Moore: Well, certainly not. We have two of your family members coming here in a minute, please welcome politicians John Kennedy Fitzgerald Sr. and Ted Fitzgerald!

JKF Sr.: Er, um, thank you.

Ted: Pleasure.

JKF Sr.: Can you, er, um, believe it? Before I came I looked on Google and found er, um, tonight’s “Beanieday Night Live” was not going to be hosted by Clover or er, um, Shamrock.

Ted: Erin hosted last week and Dublin is in the cast, and Luck-E is hosting tonight. Why didn’t they vote them?

Patrick Moore: Well, it’s up to the people.

Ted: Who cares what the people think as long as I keep gaining weight and get caught for crimes I committed?

JKF Sr.: Son, tell them what you think. Is this er, um, a popularity contest?
JKF Jr.: It was when you were elected Irish president.

Patrick Moore: Interesting. So, Beanieday Night Live is a popularity contest.

JKF Sr.: What do you think? Should Clover or er, um, Shamrock should have hosted?
JKF Jr.: Well, Luck-E is a funny, funny guy. I think he’ll do well tonight, won’t he?
JKF Sr.: I don’t know. Why not er, um, them?
Ted: I think you need to change the subject, you boring, er, um, man! “Er, um” this! “Er, um” that!

JKF Sr.: Yeah, sure. Er, um, listen; you have any thoughts on what they’ll do during the show?
JKF Jr.: Maybe get drunk, have a little party, get crazy, a little dirty.

JKF Sr.: Er, um, I wish I were there.

JKF Jr.: Sorry, Dad, but… LIVE FROM THE BEANIE ZOO, IT’S BEANIEDAY NIGHT!