~The Red Goat~

Rusty as Red Goat

Seadog as Dogula

Hodgepodge as Farmer Lewis

Luck-E as Green Goat

Frisco as Agent Gill

Carnation as Judge Phillips

Announcer: On a farm somewhere far away, a farmer created mutant farm animals by mixing their DNA with that of other animals. He mixed a goat’s with a lobster’s and they changed colors, which was when this goat became… “The Red Goat”. Tonight’s episode: “The Vampire Strikes Back”.

Red Goat: Baa! If only cloning were outlawed long ago… when President Bush signed that bill to outlaw human cloning for good, Ty did the same thing with Beanies, but still, I remain a Red Goat. It happened that very day when Farmer Lewis mixed my DNA with the lobster I was eating. People can be so cruel.

Dogula: Blah! Vat makes two of us. Vat skunk Lewis mixed my DNA’s with a bat, and now I’m Dogula. I can’t go out during the day, I can’t put garlic on my pizza, and I have to drink blood instead of water, all because of vat stupid Lewis.

Red Goat: I think you’re… baa! I think you’re right. I’ve had way too much garbage for dinner. So I don’t know who to believe.

Dogula: Believe me, for I am the great Dogula. I vouldn’t be a dog-slash-vampire if it vasn’t for vat Lewis guy. Did you know vat ven I vas a dog, I vas a stand-up comedian? Now I’m not funny anymore.

Red Goat: I’m not either.

Farmer Lewis: Okay, my beloved mutants, it’s time for your bath.

Red Goat: You know, red goats and vampire dogs don’t like water, sir.

Farmer Lewis: I know that. If you were dead, I’d be crying.

Dogula: Blah! Vat about me?
Farmer Lewis: I don’t know why I mutated you. You were an accident.

Dogula: Oh, thank goodness!

Red Goat: I have… baa! I have a plan.

Farmer Lewis: Plan later. Just get in this tub.

Red Goat: But that tub has purple water.

Farmer Lewis: That’s because I added food coloring to the water, and I added a secret ingredient to the food coloring… detergent.

Red Goat: How many times do your plans involve detergent?

Dogula: I’ll be sick if I bathe in vat water!
Farmer Lewis: You will, ‘cause if you don’t, your cape will be mine!

Green Goat: Are you Red Goat and Dogula?

Red Goat: Yeah. What did he do to you?

Green Goat: I’m Green Goat. He did the worst mutation to me. He made me eat broccoli.

Dogula: Blah! I eat broccoli all the time and nothing has ever happened to me.

Green Goat: But this broccoli had detergent in it.

Red Goat: UGH!

Green Goat: This… baa! This broccoli was supposed to be garnished in salad dressing but instead he put in detergent for no reason but to make me turn green!
Red Goat: Is detergent the biggest thing since sliced bread?

Green Goat: No, but I have a plan. I can hook up with a friend of mine who works for the FBI, pose as a southern lady, and land him in prison for illegally cloning us.

[The next night…]

Farmer Lewis: Dang, who could it be at this hour? (opens door) Oh, good gosh, it’s a hot southern dame! (“dame” punches Lewis)

Agent Gill: Agent Gill, FBI. You’re under arrest for the illegal cloning of Beanie Babies.

Farmer Lewis: This isn’t over… I’ll see y’all in court!

Agent Gill: Red, Green, Dogula, it didn’t work.

Red Goat: I’m… baa! I’m tired.

Dogula: Blah! Court?

Judge Phillips: Now, Farmer Lewis, do you understand that cloning Beanie Babies is illegal?
Farmer Lewis: Never in my fifteen years on the job did I understand!
Agent Gill: I was called by one of the animals that has been mutated for six years and wanted justice done. This is…

Judge Phillips: Six years? The bill wasn’t passed until February of this year! (bangs gavel) I find in favor of the defendant, Billy Bob Lewis!
Agent Gill: Well, I’m bankrupt. Sorry, guys, but it looks like you’re still going to be clones for a while.

Red Goat: Why can’t… baa! Why can’t Lewis realize crime doesn’t pay?

Agent Gill: That guy’s like Ty Warner… he loves money.
Announcer: Farmer Lewis was stopped, and then he sued, and then he was freed. Because of this, this goat will remain… “The Red Goat”.

Red Goat: I’m so… baa! I’m so angry right now.