~Weekend Update with Seadog~

Cast: Seadog as himself

Baby Boy as himself

Baby Girl as herself

Dublin as himself

Woody as Mr. Potato Head

Seadog: Good evening, I’m Seadog. Here are tonight’s top stories:

Okay, big news this week: Ty Canada had pulled out of the Vancouver gift show after a decision about whether they should participate or not. Fine, do what you want, but if you don’t set up your booth, they’ll take a few Pops Beanies and alter them to make them look like Avril Lavigne. You don’t wanna know what that looks like. And then a report surfaces about a Ty rep telling someone about the company in receivership, with stockpiles of old Beanies with no room for the newbies. According to the sender this would explain why the new Beanies have yet to arrive and no more Beanies would ship into Canada. If new Beanies don’t ship into Canada, what will collectors start collecting? “Oh – Beanies suck. Let’s go get some hockey cards!” “Oh, I hear those Maple Leafs are good! Let’s buy a boxful of those cards because Ty hates us!” To clear up confusion, yesterday Ty posted a newsflash on his website saying there will be a change reported for Ty Canada with a Ty rep visiting soon with more information. Why not now? People are dying of starvation – they want Beanies! They spend every waking dollar bill on them! Finish this up and don’t let our northern neighbors down! Ty, remember the four most important words in the English language: Canadians are people too!

The Info Beanie polls have opened today, and many are excited as Groom is leading with a whopping percentage of… the same amount of numbers of Beanies in Ty’s stockroom.

Ty has given Chubbley Ltd. till Monday to cooperate with demands to stop production of all Chubbley Bears or else there would be war. Collectors believe it will be the worst St. Patrick’s Day in Beanie history since 1999, when Erin got breast implants.

If you checked out the newsflash for the Mary Beth’s Beanies and More Magazine, you can see Mother with an orange bear with a tie. That’s the upcoming release Father, or as many would like to call him, “Most likely to grow up a nerd”.

A Ty retailer stated that Decade would only be available once a month in a different color to celebrate ten years of Beanies, wrapping up with a ty-dye version. For those of you who don’t know, Decade was originally supposed to be called “Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beanie”.

Visitors to tonight’s chat have discovered some dirty audience members, calling people some really bad names like chicken f***ers and saying a lot of sexual garbage. You know what these people are? Chubbley Bears. Keep your kids away from sexual predators like Chubbley Bears.

And now, here with a debate on the new plush line Countin’ Sheep are Baby Boy and Baby Girl.

Baby Boy: Thank you, Seadog. Tonight we are here to debate about a new line of plush toys called Countin’ Sheep, which are very popular right now in the UK, and could cross over to the U.S. very soon.

Baby Girl: I will be on the pro side and Baby Boy will be on the con side.

Seadog: All right, nice work.

Baby Girl: It’s great to see that there’s another new line of plush toys on the market. Those who don’t like Beanies or Chubbley Bears finally have an active alternative. Puffkins and Meanies are out, so we are in need of alternatives.

Baby Boy: Ah, alternatives, schmalternatives. It’s just another way for a company to create the next big thing. Don’t you remember the Jumbies?
Baby Girl: The Jumbies stunk up the beanbag community. What kind of person would want to buy misfit stuffed animals?
Baby Boy: Anyone but me.

Seadog: Are you sure? I mean, they were popular…

Baby Boy: Puffkins, Meanies, Jumbies, Heavenly Bears… all those stopped production due to lack of popularity and publicity.

Baby Girl: Take that back, and understand what I say, you deceitful moron!

Baby Boy: You talk pretty big for a baby!
Baby Girl: Hmm. So do you.

Baby Boy: Baby Girl, you ignorant Snort.

Baby Girl: Where did you learn such a stupid word like that?
Baby Boy: Nanny.

Seadog: So, any final arguments?
Baby Girl: Countin’ Sheep will be the next Chubbley Bears.

Baby Boy: Countin’ Sheep are goin’ down!
Seadog: Baby Boy and Baby Girl, everybody!

In Lisa LaMoy and La Rue Horinek’s most recent Pick-A-Number contest, Bridget with #322 won a Lime Sherbet Beanie Baby, while Cindy with #367 won Mr. Prissy [show picture of Muldoon Countin’ Sheep], and Barbara with #564 won the Devil [show picture of Spruce Chubbley bear].

Yesterday Ty officially introduced the Decade Beanie Baby. Why did he wait so long to post an introduction? I’m guessing he sat in the bathroom too long and forgot. Annoying.

Ty has gone back to his original ordering status of limiting Beanies to 24 per style and Buddies to 8 per style. At “Weekend Update” let us be the first to say, “Welcome to 1999… again.”

In Vero Beach, Florida, Maureen Stapleton has a collection of Beanie Baby bears put up on display for Vero Palm Estates’ March showcase. No one has looked at it yet, so this weekend, you can go there for “Grandma Day”; all old ladies get in half-price.

An ad for the Mary Beth’s Beanies and More Magazine appeared in the USA Today on Thursday. The ad is a small space followed by an article about the Oscars.

And now, here with a commentary on St. Patrick’s Day is our own Dublin!

Dublin: Thank you, Seadog. With upcoming war on the Chubbley Bears, many of us Beanies are wondering whether or not we should celebrate St. Patrick’s Day or not. But don’t take my word for it – take my word for it, and listen to my best friend, Mr. Potato Head. Come out here, Potato Head!

Mr. Potato Head: Hey. In case you don’t remember, I was a big Beanie Baby-like toy in the 60’s and regained fame by being featured in “Toy Story”. I still suck. Anyway, St. Patty’s day is just a great day for Irish people and other people related to Irish to well, you know, celebrate their fondness and pride. Irish soda bread is my favorite food… but I hate making it because I’m a couch potato.

Dublin: He’s telling the truth. My maid needed to make him soda bread. But most of all, we should take time off to remember not only our Irish friends, but our Canadian friends as well, and wish them good luck on getting more of us newbies. So Potato Head and I will have our own soccer/hockey match to honor the Irish and the Canadians. We’re calling it “socckey”.

Mr. Potato Head: Socckey?
Dublin: Yeah. And, we’re going to also have pancakes. As you can see, on these pancakes, I used syrup to write an encouraging message to Ty to please keep Beanies in Canada.

Mr. Potato Head: You’re an idiot.

Dublin: Yeah, I’m a genius.

Mr. Potato Head: What the heck are you doing? We’re celebrating St. Patrick’s Day on Monday, not St. Pierre’s Day! I don’t even know if there is a St. Pierre!

Dublin: Keep it down, Potato Head. You’re not a tomato and you’re not an asparagus. You should be lucky you’re famous for the Irish.

Mr. Potato Head: When children throw me around it’s the only thing I’m famous for! People like the box I come in more than me!
Dublin: Hmm, just like my tag. You know, we just might be meant for each other…

Mr. Potato Head: You want to honor Canada and Ireland together… friend?
Dublin: Anything for you, friend.

Seadog: Mr. Potato Head and Dublin, everybody! That’s the news. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow!