~The Late Chat with David Letterbean~
Cast: Muddy as David Letterbean

Frosty as Paul Snorter

Decade as Ty Warner

Baby Girl as Dr. Pink

Rusty as Mac Valley

Bo as man dressed up as Mac Valley

Sport as Rufus Atkinson

Announcer: It’s The Late Chat with David Letterbean, with special guests Mac Valley from the hit crime drama “Bean Eddie”, star of “Johnny English” Rufus “Mr. Beanie” Atkinson, plus Paul Snorter and the CBS Orchestra! And now, here’s Daviiiiid Letterbean!
David Letterbean: Hey! Welcome to the Late Chat. Say, it’s 11:30 in the evening. I think I should pet my new Bonsai Beanie Buddy… oh, wait, I shouldn’t. I’m afraid of monkeypox. You heard of that, Paul?
Paul Snorter: I would have if I didn’t keep on snorting. (laughs, then snorts)

David Letterbean: Ah… On the program tonight, Mac Valley from the TV show “Bean Eddie” and Rufus Atkinson, a.k.a. Mr. Beanie. You ever watch that… it’s a British comedy, Mr. Beanie.

Paul Snorter: Oh, yeah, where he does all that… (snorts)

David Letterbean: Okay, but before we do any of that, let’s hear a Ty Warner joke that’s not really a joke.

(show footage of Ty Warner)
Ty: I’m surprised you didn’t bean up after breakfast, collectors. (canned laughs)

(end clip)

David Letterbean: Now, I don’t know why that’s so funny. Now, let’s give you one of our words of wisdom from our friend Dr. Pink. Here we go.

(show footage of pink bear dressed as Dr. Phil)
Dr. Pink: I’m not buying this!
(end clip, canned laughs)
David Letterbean: Before we meet our first guest, ladies and gentlemen, here is tonight’s top ten list! The category tonight: “Top 10 excuses for Ty Canada to end.” You hear about this, Paul, Ty Canada is history?
Paul Snorter: No. I don’t keep up with this Beanie garbage. Ha-ha-ha-ha… (snorts)
David Letterbean: Top ten excuses for Ty Canada to end, here we go:
No. 10: The only names we could think of are “Leaf” and “Frenchy”.

No. 9: There’s no room on the tag to write in English and French.

No. 8: Damn, these Beanie Babies are so cheap!

No. 7: Ty Canada was Punk’d.

No. 6: Canadian Hallmarks limited customers to 2 Beanies per shipment.

No. 5: Millions of people in Canada and the only one who buys our designs is Alanis Morissette.

No. 4: Why doesn’t David Letterbean live here?

No. 3: Oh, right, nobody wants David Letterbean to live there.
No. 2: Parents won’t stop for Beanies because the stores carry Harry Potter books.

And the number one excuse for Ty Canada to end: Wait a minute! There is no Canada!

Paul Snorter: Yeah! (snorts)
David Letterbean: On to the program. Let’s introduce our first guest, the talented star of “Bean Eddie”, please welcome Mac Valley!

Mac Valley: Thank you, Dave. My, how handsome you look. You know, I was thinking one day we could have crumpets and tea.

David Letterbean: Yeah, when I feel like it. I used to enjoy the crumpets and tea thing, until my sister did too many tea parties. Okay, now tell us about your show “Bean Eddie”.

Mac Valley: Well, I play a cop, Eddie Arlette, who’s sent to England to start a new life after a bad life in New York City. But, the thing is, the show may be cancelled.

David Letterbean: Oh, that’s a shame. You know, there are always shows I have wanted to save from cancellation, but this year, there were a lot of stupid pieces of junk. You know what I’m talking about, Paul?
Paul Snorter: Way too much garbage on TV! Have you seen that “Boarding House: North Shore”? Watching that is like watching me dump! (laughs, snorts)

Mac Valley: Way, way too much information. But down in England, this Beanie Baby critic, he’s like God there. He’s Mr. Beanwell.

David Letterbean: Oh, Mr. Beanwell. We’ve had him on the show a couple of times – good guy. Just wish he’d stay out of other people’s business.

Mac Valley: I don’t like him, though. He stole my girlfriend and a bunch of other stuff.

David Letterbean: Well, in our next segment tonight, we’re going to see if we can find Mr. Beanwell to see if he has all that other stuff. We sent down to the streets of New York a guy who looks like you begging to see Mr. Beanwell. Take a look.

Man dressed up as Mac Valley: Hi, I’m Mac Valley. I’m the star of a stupid Fox show called “Bean Eddie”. Can you please give me my stuff back? Hey, you there, Italian guy! Give me my stuff back! Greek woman! Where’s my cell phone? Hey, Australian dude! Where’s my briefcase?

Mac Valley: That’s – that’s not a good picture. We have shows like that in England but much stupider.

David Letterbean: Well, nice to know that. Hey, why don’t you stick around to meet our next guest who also comes from England. He’s the star of his own movie “Johnny English” and his own TV show “Mr. Beanie”, please welcome Rufus Atkinson!

Rufus Atkinson: (walks in and falls, gets back up, and then Paul Snorter throws his microphone at him)
Paul Snorter: Oh, sorry, that was an accident.

David Letterbean: So, Mr. Atkinson, tell us about “Johnny English”.

Rufus Atkinson: (Gets a high-five from Mac Valley, then is tossed up onto the ceiling and hangs from the fan)

David Letterbean: Um, I think we have a little problem with the fans. Help Rufus out, guys.

(stagehands help Rufus off the fan but then he finds a piece of gum stuck on his nose that he has trouble getting off)
Mac Valley: Rufus, what happened?
Rufus Atkinson: (puts finger across lips and bites his finger) Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
David Letterbean: Sorry about that, Rufus. I bite my finger sometimes, too, but it’s delicious. So, tell us about your movie, “Johnny English”.

Rufus Atkinson: (mimes guy falling down, then tries to get the gum off his nose but gets his finger stuck)

Mac Valley: He doesn’t like to talk. Every time he talks he thinks he’s swearing.

David Letterbean: Hey, I’ve sworn on this show before. There’s nothing to be afraid of.

Mac Valley: He must be a little uncomfortable because he doesn’t have his bear, Teddy, with him.

David Letterbean: Wait a minute, he’s acting like Mr. Beanie?
Mac Valley: Pretty much.

David Letterbean: Ha-ha! That’s hilarious! Anyway, I normally have such a normal size coffee mug, but yesterday night I went to the Mets game and got this giant Late Show coffee mug decorated and signed by the team. It’s so beautiful, isn’t it?
Mac Valley: Yeah, how do you like it, Rufus?

David Letterbean: Uh, it seems Rufus has left the building or some… Rufus? He’s in the mug!
Rufus Atkinson: (destroys the mug by eating into it as Mac and David try to stop him)
Mac Valley: What the hell did you do?
David Letterbean: Get out! Get out! Never come on my show again!
Rufus Atkinson: (walks out in shame, but then is offered a free video camera from the cameraman. Then, he trips and falls, breaking the camera.)

David Letterbean: When we come back, more with Mac Valley. Stay tuned. What a mess…