~Weekend Update with Seadog~
Cast: Seadog as himself

Decade the bear

Rumba as Mr. Impatient

Muddy as David Beckham

Fancy as Victoria Beckham

Tiny as Bruiser

Seadog: Good evening, I’m Seadog. Here are tonight’s top stories:

On Monday, Ty introduced a new Beanie Baby named after former president Ronald Reagan, Ronnie the bear, a USA exclusive benefiting the Navy League of the United States and the Santa Barbara Council to benefit the sailors and families of the USS Ronald Reagan. For those of you who don’t know, the USS Ronald Reagan is a new aircraft carrier that was commissioned today where the American sailors go on to protect our country from terrorists and “From Justin to Kelly”.

In a related story, Chubbley’s new Billy bear will benefit the USS Bill Clinton and proceeds will go to the “I did not have sexual relations” program.

Last week, Ty put an end to the crisis in Canada by promising that the new Canadian exclusive bear True will ship to Canada, proving Beanies will continue to ship, despite the end of Ty Canada. That won’t keep Canadians from spilling maple syrup over their Beanies at the breakfast table.

Bubbly and Fizz, exclusive to this summer’s trade shows, were added to Ty.com this morning. No comment on why Toast hasn’t been posted by Ty, possibly because his toast is not ready yet.

The Beanie of the Month for July just happens to be a new version of Decade, in hot pink. Here now to complain about this is our own Decade… the royal blue version.

Decade: Thank you, Seadog. Everybody doesn’t need to know I’m royal blue, though.

Seadog: But everyone’s confused. White, red, light blue, royal blue, now hot pink?
Decade: Yes, and this, is the honorable “Beanie of the Month”. Now, why is everyone making a big deal about him? Oh, yeah. You can’t get him unless you signed up over the Internet. Some people don’t even have computers, tell it to them!
Seadog: I don’t want to give my opinion on the air.

Decade: This is the last straw, Ty. I’m being tired of pushed around in different colors. You don’t have any respect for me. You don’t even know how much I’m going to be worth compared to your hot “hot pink version”.

Seadog: I give you an ocean of respect.

Decade: Oh, you only say that because you’re a sea dog. One day something bad will happen to you – you’ll retire, and I’ll fill in your shoes!

Seadog: Decade, everybody! I’m looking about $10 on the hot pink version.

In this week’s Ask Ty, Ty admits to displaying Beanies in his kitchen, saying “I have breakfast with Bessie and Squealer every morning!” Well, I think he’s a vegetarian, because I EAT Bessie and Squealer every morning. Sausage and ham. Yum, yum, yum.

IMAH’s collectibles silent auction will take place on July 25 and will feature Beanie Babies. Bidding starts at a dime.

The Beanie Babies tush tag has changed for the July releases. The Ty heart remains with the name with nothing else on the front, and there are no numbers inside the tush tag. Counterfeiters, today’s your lucky day – Beanies have no numbers in the tush tag! Have a blast making fakes!

Announcer: This has been a message from the Stupid People of America.

Seadog: Okay, when we really need the news, we never really get any. So here now with the news the way he wants it to be is Mr. Impatient.

Mr. Impatient: Wow! Wow! What an interesting news week, people. There’s plenty going on. Just got word that Ronnie the bear will retire after only two weeks on store shelves. Rumor has it he’ll be even more expensive than Libearty, the dino trio, and Humphrey combined.

Seadog: Wow, you sure seem anticipated. Anything else?
Mr. Impatient: Well, Ty made just about enough of Fizz, Bubbly, and Toast for them to be worth as much as Nectar. Oh, and someone popped their eyes out when looking at a royal blue Peanut.

Seadog: Wow! That’s good stuff! How about one more news item?
Mr. Impatient: Carrot Top will retire from acting. Reports speculate he’s moving to Germany to…

Seadog: Wait a minute, I thought you were talking about Beanie Babies.

Mr. Impatient: I’ve been impatient with that Carrot Top. I wish he’d stop appearing in movies and AT&T commercials. How old is that geek, anyway?
Seadog: The Internet Movie Database reports he’s 36.

Mr. Impatient: And how old were the Three Stooges when they went off the air?
Seadog: That’s your business. Thank you for coming.

Mr. Impatient: But when did “The Honeymooners” go off the air?
Seadog: Mr. Impatient, everybody!

Chubbley Bears will return to UK store shelves next week at the price of 4.99 pounds. Also available at 4.99 pounds: Calista Flockhart.

Checking on to other news, British celebrity couple David and Victoria Beckham moved to Spain. We have them live via webcam, let’s just hook up the computer to the A/V set… okay, here now live from their new home in Spain, David and Victoria Beckham. David, how do you like it here?

David Beckham: It’s trash!

Victoria Beckham: This is what I get for being in the Spice Girls. I could have been in S Club 7, Sugababes, Atomic Kitten… you know, all that British crap.

David Beckham: She could have been anything. People tried to kidnap her, too. She’s still going on and on about that.

Victoria Beckham: You tell me if anyone tried to kidnap Robbie Williams!
David Beckham: You tell me if they would name a movie after just some schmo!

Seadog: I guess we caught them at a wrong time. We’ll just click off.

Victoria Beckham: No! Don’t click off!
David Beckham: I’ll score a field goal for you, or win a World…

Victoria Beckham: Back off, toothy! I’ll sing for you! “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta…”

Seadog: (clicks off) David Beckham and Posh Spice, everyone! Take that out of here.

Canada’s next exclusive bears are rumored to be Strong, North, and Free, joining True, all taken from words in Canada’s national anthem “O Canada”. In other news, because they’re words in the U.S. national anthem, “Star Spangled Banner”, rumor has it Stripes the tiger and Rocket the blue jay will be re-released as USA exclusives.

White the bear has been shipping this week, and when people receive them, people will be shocked to discover they didn’t get them in time for the fourth of July. With Ty being aware of this, he will announce on Monday that Tuesday, July 15, will be Independence Day 2, to make up for the late shipping. (adlibbing) Hope Will Smith doesn’t find out about that. “Men In Black 2”, “Bad Boys 2” – that guy works too hard.

Speaking of sequels, “Legally Blonde 2: Red, White, and Blonde”, the sequel to “Legally Blonde” starring Reese Witherspoon, opened last weekend, with a story relating to Witherspoon’s character Elle Woods’ pet Chihuahua. Here now to talk about his role in the movie is Bruiser the Chihuahua.

Bruiser: Thank you, thank you.

Seadog: Bruiser, what exactly do you do in this “Legally Blonde” thing?

Bruiser: I’m her little puppy dog. I don’t talk, but I bark.

Seadog: Is that all you do? Just bark?
Bruiser: I can also say, “Yo quiero Taco Bell!”

Seadog: Yeah. How do you feel about Arnold Schwarzenegger? You think you can stand up to him this week in the box office?

Bruiser: No, no, no. The “Pirates of the Caribbean” are out to get me.
Seadog: Yeah. Thanks for coming. Can you co-host with me next week?
Bruiser: Nah, I’m going out of town. Besides, I don’t like that Nuts the squirrel. Has nothing to do but complain about Planters Peanuts.
Seadog: That’s nice. Bruiser, everybody! That’s the news; good night and have a pleasant tomorrow!