~Fineselled~
Cast: Sport as Jerry Fineselled

Pappa as George Chipstanza

Frisco as Elaine Beanies

Decade as Kramer

Mother as Mrs. Chipstanza

Carnation as nurse

Tubbo as coach

Nuts as JFK Jr.

Fancy as Darla

(“Seinfeld” theme plays)

Jerry Fineselled: The problem I’ve been having lately is that things are just too strange. You get the feeling something’s strange, and the next minute, something really IS strange. I thought that was impossible.

(open on restaurant)

Kramer: Just spent my last $50 on that new show exclusive Bubbly. I found it at some trade show.

Elaine Beanies: You spent your last $50 on something that won’t last a week at $50?
Kramer: Yeah. I think I do that every week.

Jerry Fineselled: Well, I propose we do a contest – whoever goes the longest without buying a Beanie Baby will win $75. Anyone in on it?
George Chipstanza: I’m in, and I put in another $25! Kramer?
Kramer: You bet I’m in, and I’ll raise the stakes by… one dollar.

Jerry Fineselled: Elaine, are you sure you want to do it?
Elaine Beanies: Sure. And I’m betting the rest of my money on it because I know I’m getting it back.

(open on apartment)

Kramer: Wow, can you look at that? Some naked woman is giving away free Beanie Babies. Now that’s good advertising.

Jerry Fineselled: Oh, really? Let me see. Yep, she’s something.

Kramer: I’m gonna go check that out.

Jerry Fineselled: Go ahead. So, Elaine, ready to lose?
Elaine Beanies: No way. I don’t think I’ll be buying Beanies anymore. I’ve switched over to collecting Chubbleys.

Jerry Fineselled: What? You can’t switch over from one stuffed animal to another stuffed animal! They’re both equally stuffed!

Elaine Beanies: So?
Kramer: (reenters with a bucket of Beanies) I’m out!

Jerry Fineselled: What?

Kramer: I took all her Beanies.

Elaine Beanies: Then it’s one down, three to go… and I think this will be the easiest money I’ve made in my life.

(open on hospital)
Mrs. Chipstanza: George, can you get me a better blanket?
George Chipstanza: Don’t tell me WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO?
Mrs. Chipstanza: Ask for a better blanket!
George Chipstanza: While I’m up. When I sit back down, don’t ask me for ANYTHING ELSE!
Mrs. Chipstanza: This is all your father’s fault for raising you like that.

Nurse: Mrs. Chipstanza, can I get you anything?
George Chipstanza: Get her a better blanket.

Nurse: Okay. First, let me just give this old guy a sponge bath. (nurse’s shadow is seen behind a curtain with the image of her suggestively giving the man a sponge bath)

George Chipstanza: Ohh…

Mrs. Chipstanza: George, come on! Quit looking at that dang curtain! TAKE CARE OF ME, YOU STINKIN’ SON!

(open on gym)

Coach: Hey, Elaine.

Elaine Beanies: Hey. Put on a few pounds, hmm?
Coach: Plenty. Hey, John.

JFK Jr.: I’m doing well. Hmm, you look good.

Elaine Beanies: Thanks.

JFK Jr.: You want to come over to my place tomorrow? I’ve got some Beanies I’d like you to buy.

Elaine Beanies: Wow, you collect?
JFK Jr.: Where would I be without my Beanies?
(open on apartment)

Elaine Beanies: Well, I’m out. I’m going out with JFK Jr. tomorrow night to buy Beanies.

Jerry Fineselled: Really? I can’t believe it. Well, it looks like it’s you and me, George.

George Chipstanza: Hmm. Good luck. Hope we can still be masters of our domains.

Jerry Fineselled: Good luck to you, too. Here’s a few bucks. Go buy yourself a couple of Beanies.

(cut to Jerry’s bedroom)

Darla: I love you, Jerry. Now, I’d like you to buy some Beanies of mine so I can buy myself a new house.

Jerry Fineselled: Sure, anything. And I love Beanies… as much as I love you.

Darla: You look nervous. What’s going on?
Jerry Fineselled: Well, I know you’re going to be mad, but…

(cut to Elaine on the sidewalk waiting for JFK Jr., then back to the apartment)
Darla: A contest? A contest? I can’t believe it – a contest! Why wasn’t I included?
Jerry Fineselled: Because I didn’t want you to know about it…

Darla: I hate you! Goodbye!

(back outside)
Elaine Beanies: Darla, I’m so glad you…

Darla: Shut up! I don’t like you stupid Beanie addicts! You’re horrible – horrible! I’m going to tell everybody about it and go on and on and on and on and on and on…

(back to apartment)

Elaine Beanies: You told that wacko about the contest?
Jerry Fineselled: Yeah, sort of.

George Chipstanza: Elaine, I thought you were meeting Kennedy. He’s outside with Darla.

Elaine Beanies: The virgin?

George Chipstanza: Yeah. She was crying and he consoled her and they drove away to buy Beanies.

Jerry Fineselled: Oh, boy. Hey, is that Kramer… at the Beanie store with the naked woman?