~Monologue~
Cast: Chocolate as himself

Fancy as Vanilla

Baby Boy as Chocolate Jr.

Baby Girl as Strawberry

Zeus as himself

Chocolate: Thank you! I’m so happy to be hosting “Beanieday Night Live”! A lot’s been going on with me. I turned 10 years old in April, so that’s… that’s something to be happy about. Um, I’ve got a family now. A nice family of meese. I’m sorry, did I mess up? I didn’t realize you don’t call it meese. What is it then, mooses? I didn’t come here to talk about mooses. It’s moose? In plural, it’s moose? The English language is crazy! No wonder why I just grunt! Okay, now, in case you’re wondering about my family, yes, they are here, and will be joining me on stage for a big production number, probably… no, no music. Good. Let me introduce my family, my wife Vanilla, my daughter Strawberry, and my son Chocolate Jr.!

(Chocolate’s family enters)

Chocolate: You all look great! How are you doing?
Vanilla: Hmm, naming your son Chocolate Jr.? Isn’t the Junior thing a little old? Name him Blueberry! He’s blue!
Chocolate Jr.: I hate you! Kids make fun of me at school because of my name!
Strawberry: I’m a pink moose, and… well, I like it actually.

Chocolate: At least one person understands me.

Strawberry: But you’re not my dad. Let me bring out my dad.

(Zeus enters to loud applause)

Zeus: Hi, sweetie pie. Chocolate, how could you exploit your family like that, on the Internet, on a Saturday night?
Chocolate: I thought it would be good to introduce them to the world.

Vanilla: Well, you’re introducing to the world a freak show. I’m not a moose… I’m an albino nothing, you horrible husband! I’m not even a Beanie Baby yet!
Chocolate: We agreed we wouldn’t care which one of us would be more expensive in the future.

Chocolate Jr.: I wanna be adopted!

Chocolate: Easy, Junior. Please…

Chocolate Jr.: Don’t call me that! Call me C-Moose!

Chocolate: Okay, C-Moose. Take it easy.

Chocolate Jr.: No!

Zeus: You want to leave, honey?
Strawberry: Okay. Can we stop for ice cream?
Zeus: Hmm… No.

Chocolate: Okay, we’ve got a great chat for you! It’s Mother, Pappa, and Smartest’s final show tonight, so stick around!