~Weekend Update with Seadog~

Cast: Seadog as himself

Decade as himself

Rumba as Mr. Impatient

Muddy as himself

Sport as himself

Seadog: Good evening, I’m Seadog. Here are tonight’s top stories:

August’s Beanie Baby releases include two new bears for Halloween: Tricky and Quivers, with Tricky in a pumpkin costume and Quivers resembling a ghost. Also for Halloween, Gizmo the lemur will dress up as himself.

Other new releases included Bonzer, which is yet another koala, which is really driving me nutso, a new lion named Orion, which by the way, is Greek for “bad name for a lion”, and the Herald Beanie Buddy, which comes with a craft kit including a red marker and devil horns so you can change him from good to bad.

This Tuesday, Ty finally retired the set of Basket Beanies consisting of Eggs II, Eggs III, Chickie, and Hippie. Or, as they say nowadays, “now worth buying more than seeing Gigli”.

Due to popular demand, the Premier Beanie Baby went from an unlimited order to a maximum of two per person. Here’s a message to all who can’t all have Premier Beanie Babies for themselves if they buy them for other people: buy them someplace else.

The new Decade style is orange, and here now to talk about the new Orange Decade is our old friend, Decade. I’m getting sick of these.

Decade: Thanks again. Orange Decade – you love your orange juice, your orange soda, your Livewire Mountain Dew – now you want me to be orange? What’s next? Are you going to splatter mustard all over me and say I’m a yellow Decade? Are you going to dress me up in soot so I’ll be a black Decade? Can you paint me like the Peace bear – the first one, that is – and call me a ty-dyed Decade? No, you can’t. The authentic Decades are so… colorful. And people are just getting sick of me talking about this – it’s a good thing Judge Napolitano talks about different topics on Fox News. If he just went on and on about being a judge, he’d be fired.

Seadog: Thanks for your input… again. Decade, everybody!

William the Beanie Baby is the oldest Beanie Baby ever, with a birthday of April 23, 1564. In a related story, William the Beanie Baby is now dead.

Khufu the camel is the August 2003 Beanie of the Month. Khufu, unlike Humphrey and Niles, has two humps: one for a girl and one for a guy.

Lisa and LaRue’s latest PAN contest was held this week. Maria Madera won a Miyuki bracelet from Bracelets by Lisa, Jennifer Rothrock won a Legs Beanie Baby, Barbara won a Velvet Beanie Baby, and Connie Foulk won a Ronnie Beanie Baby. Absent from the game were a bunch of lying, no-good lazy-bones we call the Chubbley Bears… thank god.

An Ohio columnist compared inconsiderate people at a Sammy Kershaw concert to the Beanie Baby stampedes of the 90’s. All this and more in the new biography “Beanies Suck: The Life of Sammy Kershaw”.

When Beanie news is scarce, this guy always seems to find some bait, so say hello to our old friend, Mr. Impatient!
Mr. Impatient: Wow! What a week, Seadog – wow, wow, wow. I can’t believe it. Stuff has been happening all over, lots goin’ on, baby.

Seadog: So, what have you picked up for us this week?
Mr. Impatient: Well, Ty will be making a Beanie Baby that will be exclusive to people who pay to see “Gigli” at the movies that’s so rare because the movie will go straight to video.

Seadog: Wow, I wasn’t expecting that! What else?

Mr. Impatient: I also read in some magazine that Royal Blue Peanut Beanies will be re-done with a limited amount of one per state and Ty will drop them from buildings. Only the first collector who grabs them can keep them.

Seadog: Even Alaska and Hawaii?
Mr. Impatient: Especially Alaska and Hawaii.

Seadog: Hmm, sounds good! Any more news?
Mr. Impatient: It’s about time they did this… “Big Brother” is canceled.

Seadog: Whoa, hold on. Why do you want that to be canceled?
Mr. Impatient: It makes no sense. I don’t like it. It’s a bunch of people living in a house… why aren’t their families there?
Seadog: I bet they can live on their own.

Mr. Impatient: But it’s freaky!
Seadog: Yeah, it sure is. Thanks for your comments.

Mr. Impatient: Okay, and I hope to talk to you again so I can lie about the Beanie world.

Seadog: Mr. Impatient, everybody!

Ty Beanies and More Magazine is looking for collectors who have slowed down from collecting Beanie Babies to tell their stories. A spokesperson for Ty said, “Nobody’s slowed down – everyone hates us.”

“girls9-12 pics”, a Yahoo Group which contained explicit content and was listed under the category “Beanie Babies”, was removed this week. The group will be re-listed under the category “Ty, I know you like this”.

Beanie Baby collectors in the Twin Cities in Minneapolis have been associated with a knitting craze, resulting in a knitting-needle shortage and a great increase in Band-Aid sales.

A young activist changed her name to “GoVeg.com” to promote vegetarianism. That struck a Beanie Baby collector to change her name to “Ty.com” to promote Beanie Babies.

On Thursday, the Info Beanie polls closed, with Sport winning over Muddy, who came in second. Here now to talk about the polls are Sport and Muddy.

Sport: Thanks, Seadog.

Seadog: It’s great to talk to you without having to ask, “let’s stop by the fur-shedding club”. Now Muddy, the voters put you in first place before Sport caught up. What happened?
Muddy: Well, it’s viewer participation. People liked me more than Ronnie, so that’s all that matters. Now when someone asks me “Did you beat Ronald Reagan?” I can say, “Yes, I did – well, the Beanie Baby he’s named after, at least.”

Seadog: Sport, you won with 45.4% of the voters. Do you think everyone else was treated unfairly by the voting decision?
Sport: Heck, no. If we monitored by votes, I’d say there was a decent amount. But Ty doesn’t do that because he wants the voting to be kept secret. It sucks, but that’s the way he is.

Muddy: I slacked off the second half of voting, so I admit I forced myself to lose. But I love potato chips and Rice Krispies, and I spend my days eating lots of them.

Seadog: You really shouldn’t.

Sport: Don’t make me dress up as Balto.

Muddy: You do that too much, Sport.

Seadog: Yeah. Sport and Muddy, everybody! That’s the news; good night and have a pleasant tomorrow!