~Weekend Update with Seadog~
Cast: Seadog as himself

Muddy as Oceandog

Baby Boy as himself

Baby Girl as herself

Seadog: Good evening, I’m Seadog. Here are tonight’s top stories:

The show exclusive Beanies Bubbly, Fizz, and Toast, and the Buddy Bravo, were introduced today on Ty.com. These would be the perfect addition to anybody’s collection if it were 1977.

Tomorrow at the New York Gift Show, according to a fax from Ty written in the form of a top ten list, not only can you order Toast and Bravo, but also there will be an exclusive only available to the New York Gift Show. Oh, wait, don’t tell me, I know this one – it’s a bear.

The fax also said that one item will be as big as New York and also only available at the NYC show. And when I go out on the streets of New York, I ask them what’s as big and they tell me, “hot dogs”.

The Four Seasons exclusive version of Issy re-appeared in the current list on Ty.com last weekend, just two years after it retired. Either Ty is making more Issy bears or Ty just wants to get more people to go to the Four Seasons. Either way, I hate the Four Seasons hotel.

Following up to that story, the past news page on Ty.com removed the December 31, 2001 retirements that included Issy. Which means, collectors, Ariel will be a shelf-sitter for another two years.

Ty has registered the trademarks Bearon, Cornbread, and Star. Mmm… Cornbread. AAAH! Bearon, don’t take it away from me! You stinkin’ Bearon. Ooh, I wanna be a star! AAAH! The Bearon doesn’t want me to be a star! Anyway…

Next Sunday the Chester Racecourse in the UK will be holding the Bears, Beans, and Collectibles show, which includes Beanie Babies, Chubbley Bears, and Countin’ Sheep. A cottony battle is expected.

Here now with a look at the week’s headlines is my cousin, Oceandog.

Oceandog: Hello, I’m Oceandog, and here are the week’s headlines:

“Toast gets a boast at Pittsburgh.”

“Is Issy coming back or is Issy a little sissy?”

“New York Gift Show to feature more exclusives than nobody I can think of.”

“What is Bearon? What is Cornbread? What is Star? I don’t know.”

“UK bean bag show to be held next week will end in tragedy – one plush line will cease.”

“MC Beanie II Anniversary Edition… not really celebrating an anniversary.”

“Tonight’s host Garcia found listening to Eminem CDs.”

And that’s the news, ‘cause it’s short!

Seadog: Oceandog, everybody!
Oceandog: See you next week!

Wednesday, Ty retired the MC Beanie II Anniversary Edition, saying that customers who celebrate an account anniversary date on or after August 1 will receive a new anniversary Beanie Baby – nothing.

Oh, wait. That was a joke. Seriously, the new anniversary Beanie Baby – MC Anniversary Second Edition. Boy, Ty is really running out of names. Why couldn’t he think of “Credit” or “Happy Anniversary”? Well, those are good ideas, but Ty hates them.

Yahoo Groups will begin service changes on August 21, including that only ten members can be added to a group per day unless the invite members feature is used, e-mail attachments sent to the group will not be archived in the message boards, and web membership is required to view files and photos. So, to Hugh Hefner, Larry Flynt, Gary Glitter, R. Kelly, and Jerry Springer, don’t think you can join Yahoo Groups just to see people’s asses… I mean, assets. Whoo, I’m gonna be fired for that one.

True has been shipping to Canada this week. Okay, is that true or false?

A new Teenie Beanie Bopper called Curve Ball Curt is exclusive to a credit card offering White Sox-themed gifts. It gives new meaning to hearing the phrase “sox bop”. That wasn’t funny, hmm?

Retirements yesterday included the retirement of Teenie Beanie Bopper Private Pete, the first Teenie Beanie Bopper to be retired. It’s not the only record Private Pete holds, but he also holds the record for least interest in a retirement.

Due to yesterday’s retirements, tonight is Baby Boy and Baby Girl’s last show, and here now to debate on their longevity after they leave the cast are Baby Boy and Baby Girl.

Baby Girl: Thank you. There comes a time in a Beanie Baby’s life when they must be retired and cease production. Baby Boy and I were retired yesterday, and to keep the chats new and fresh, we must leave the cast.

Baby Boy: And once we leave the cast, we need new work.

Baby Girl: I’ll be on the pro side and Baby Boy will be on the con side?
Baby Boy: Again? I hate that.

Seadog: Well, sometimes you’re retired for being overused. Ready?
Baby Girl: Yes. I believe that now that Baby Boy and I are retired, we should make new names for ourselves. So we don’t fade to obscurity, I’m planning to change my name to Helen Griff and changing my brother’s name to Brad Vespucci.

Baby Boy: Baby Girl, you ignorant Snort. And by the way, what kind of name is Brad Vespucci? Are you Italian? We’re already famous! People want to remember us for our names! I already have a movie and song named after me!
Baby Girl: What movie and what song?
Baby Boy: You know, the movie with that cute guy you like, um, Tyrese. It also stars A.J. Johnson, Snoop Dogg, and Omar Gooding, who’s the brother of Cuba Gooding Jr. And the song from Beyonce from her big album – if you don’t know, which you probably don’t, it’s track three, and it’s a duet with the reggae-dancehall king Sean Paul.

Baby Girl: How did you learn all that?
Baby Boy: I don’t know. And what do you have named after you? Nothing.

Baby Girl: So, from what you’re saying, you’re better than me?
Baby Boy: Yep.

Baby Girl: You’re not better than me! Nobody’s better than me!
Baby Boy: You talk big for a bear with pink fur. Wanna suck on a baby bottle?
Seadog: Thank god this is their last chat. I can’t take this.

Baby Girl: You can’t handle a baby bottle! The top looks like a girl’s breast!
Baby Boy: Gross!
Seadog: Um, kids? I’d love to congratulate you on eight months and 24 chats. I’ll really miss you… not.

Baby Boy: Thank you.

Baby Girl: Oh, yes, thank you.

Seadog: Babies Boy and Girl! That’s the news; good night and have a pleasant tomorrow!