Beanieday Night Live: Weekend Update with Seadog at BBPP Chat

Posted at: Beanie Babies Pen Pals, 4/13/03

Seadog: Good evening, I’m Seadog. Who’s having a good time tonight? Great! Here are tonight’s top stories:

The Chubbley information minister has been reported missing. Apparently, the reason why is because he was expelled from the church before his retirement. When asked to comment, George Chubbley said, “He thinks Beanies are a figment of your imagination!” thus proving Chubbley Bears have no brain.

This week the Baseball Hall of Fame canceled a tribute to Bull Durham because of comments made by actors Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins. I speak for all Beanie Babies when I say, “Addison, you shouldn’t change your name to Tim or Susan.”

Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas won a court battle against Hello magazine after they published photos of their wedding they did not license. All this and more in “Chicago 2: I Married an Old Snooze.”

In a related story, producers of “Chicago” the Broadway musical has denied rumors that James Naughton will leave the cast and his character of Billy Flynn would be replaced by… Ty Warner.

The Jack Nicholson/Adam Sandler comedy “Anger Management” came in at number one on the box office today. People knew it would be a big debut because people love to see Jack Nicholson eating Beanies and Adam Sandler farting in front of them.

Mike Weir won the Masters golf tournament, becoming the first Canadian to do so. Here now to make a surprise visit to sing a song are Scat, Carnation, and Rusty – Scat and the Cats, everybody!

Scat Cat: How go-go-go-good are you doin’ tonight, BBPP?
Fast Cat: We’re flippy-flappy-flattered to be here!
Fat Cat: Where’s the refreshment table?
Scat Cat: It’s a chat room, dummy.

Fast Cat: So, what prize is being given away tonight?
Seadog: You’re not supposed to ask about contests. It’s rude. So, what song are you singing tonight in honor of the Masters champ?
Scat Cat: “Michael Putt the Ball in the Hole”.

Seadog: Hmm… I like that.

Scat Cat: 1, 2, 3!

(swing music plays to the tune of “Michael Row the Boat Ashore”)
Scat Cat: “Michael putt the ball in the hole, now he’s the champion!
Fast/Fat: Of golf!
Fast Cat: He’s the first Canadian to be the champion!
Fast/Fat: Of golf!
Fat Cat: The best thing about golf is that you get a lot of refreshments! And that makes you feel…”
Scat Cat: Fat Cat, what does food have to do with being the champion of golf?
Fat Cat: Golfing champions love food.

Scat Cat: Think before you sing. “Michael putt the ball in the hole, reached the green, look at him now!

Fast Cat: 18 holes was a long way to go to be a champion…

All 3: Of golf!”

Seadog: Next time I’m getting the Dixie Chicks. I don’t care what they said and whom they said it to – they’re ten times better than you three! Get out!

Fast Cat: But I want to win the Hippie bunny!

Scat Cat: Yeah, right. You have ten of those.

Fat Cat: Can we stop by 7-11 on the way out?
Scat Cat: We’re by our computer, Fat Cat! We’re home!
Seadog: Whatever. Just… click off or whatever. Scat and the Cats, everybody!
Scat Cat: See me hosting May 3!

Seadog: Back to the news…

Tax Day is Tuesday. Ty won’t have to pay his taxes because he’s so greedy his vice-president pays them all.

In a related story, the Countin’ Sheep employees pay nothing. They fell asleep before they could fill out their forms.

It’s a great day for Beanie Babies Pen Pals as they celebrate their first year anniversary, but here to object about it is children’s safety protection activist Emma Whiskers.

Emma Whiskers: Yeah! The one thing I’ve learned the year that Beanie Babies Pen Pals was in business was that the moderators don’t moderate at all! Desi likes terrorists because she collects Chubbley Bears! Sandy lives in Pennsylvania, and down there, there’s a lot of bearded people! Bearded people freak non-bearded people out! And Bridget looks at porn! Bridget likes to look at Beanie Kids and Beanie Boppers take off their clothes in front of webcams! Bridget freaks me out! Moderators, I hope you learn a lesson tonight… BBPP stands for Biased Beanie Porno People! Don’t salute them! This is their first and only year ever! Shut up, people!
Seadog: Emma Whiskers, everybody! She lies about people.

Well, what’s left to say? If you liked this, join us Saturday at 8:00 P.M. EST for more Beanieday Night Live fun, exclusively at The Beanie Zoo. I can’t spell the web address, so that’s it. Congratulations BBPP on a year of success! Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow!