Mr. Beanwell’s Second Annual Beanie Worst Dressed
List
Posted at: The Beanie Zoo Group,
1/7/03
With the Michael's Beantown website gone, I still
won't stop taking
out the Beanie trash - and I'll start with my second
(hopefully)
annual Worst Dressed List. My criteria for ranking these
Beanies is
by looks, market value, and my own/collectors' opinions.
This year on Mr. Blackwell's similar Worst Dressed List, he
ranked
Anna Nicole Smith as his worst dressed saying, "don't
bother with a
new designer Anna, just hire a structural engineer!"
implying on her
bad posture and clothes. Did I mention she's overweight?
Without
further ado, here is 2002's worst dressed Beanies of the year:
10. Glider the prehistoric bird
This was a late release for the Beanie Babies, but by this
Beanie's
looks, he looks like one of those pelicans from "The
Flintstones"
mutated with Frills the hornbill (who was on last year's list)
which
would make any collector ask, "Was this Beanie released
in 2002 A.D.
or B.C.?"
9. Hodgepodge the dog
How could you, Ty? I think Hodgepodge isn't happy because
"all the
other dogs make fun of me because I'm not single colored...
I'm a
triple threat!" We can only have one Kaleidoscope in the
bunch, Ty,
and this is not Kaleidoscope.
8. Toothy the tyrannosaurus rex
Oh no... there goes Tokyo! You're next, Ty - you want to make
Beanie
dinosaurs as successful as Bronty, Rex, and Steg? Stick with
ty-dye!
Don't make them look like Godzilla, make them look like
dinosaurs!
People liked the original dinosaurs because they were cute,
but
Toothy is not cute, he looks like a lean mean Beanie-eating
machine!
All Beanies should be afraid if Toothy gets made into a Beanie
Buddy.
7. Pompey the bear
During Ty's first eight years making Beanies the thing with
collecting was the fun of the hunt. There's no more hunt as
all the
valuable ones are country exclusives, and this extremely
scarce bear
only available to members of the Portsmouth Football Club has
been
overpublicized. Why? It's only a blue bear with a yellow
ribbon and a
PFC logo on it! You want to make exclusive Beanies, Ty? Make
exclusives that look good.
6. Frolic the dog
Poofie was on our best dressed list last year, but this
lookalike
doesn't make that list - this looks like a cross between him
and Anna
Nicole Smith. Lose some weight before you model for Mary
Beth's
Beanies and More, Frolic! Lose some weight and don't drink any
more
Vanilla Coke!
5. Woody the bear
So, how's life treating this bear? Plain. This bear looks too
plain.
I understand Ty was waiting years to create a Beanie with the
name of
a "Cheers" character. He had no ideas for a Carla
the witch, Sam the
wolf, Diane the owl, Rebecca the fox, Norm the pig, or Cliff
the
horse. Today we call them Scary, Howl, Hoot, Sly, Squealer,
and
Hoofer, and we call Woody "the rootinest, tootinest,
plainest bear in
the south".
4. Lightning the horse
Ugh, this is a horse, but not of course, he does not look like
a
horse. He looks more like a horse who got trapped in a
blizzard! Why
the white and gray? Why look like Mr. Ed when you can look
like the
Abominable Snowman in polka dots? Give it up, Ty.
3. Rusty the red panda
Okay, we've seen some weird things in the Beanie Babies
collection...
razorbacks, dart frogs, ty-dyed bears, but why a red panda? If
you
make a panda bear that isn't black and white, you know for
sure it's
going to look Ling Ling smudged in ketchup. And pandas can't
even go
to Burger King.
2. Panama the tree frog
Art should follow realism, but this isn't art. The first two
frogs
were great, Legs and Smoochy. But when Prince came out, ENOUGH
ALREADY! Now with this tree frog, which was a shelf sitter
throughout
2002, looks like Smoochy was shrunk and mixed in with sunny
side up
eggs! And it looks like Panama has nothing to smile about...
guess
he's Ty's first pessimistic Beanie Baby.
Yep, a lot of bad-looking Beanies. So what? This year, one
topped all
of them, and we first set eyes on him at the Dallas gift show.
1. Gizmo the lemur
The Kids Bop music series is what I call "the CDs from
hell". Gizmo
is sort of like that... he looks like a cross between a ghost
and
Osama bin Laden! Now I know why he needs to shave and get
glasses.
While looking up what a lemur is I read it was a primate...
now, come
on! Don't make lemurs! Make monkeys! More Bongos, Bonsais, and
Bananas, and if another Gizmo comes up my block - birdie,
birdie,
birdie!
Hopefully 2003 will be a better year for Ty. Good night,
everybody!
Mr. Beanwell