| A little controversial The Iraqi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech, and walks out into the lobby where he meets President Bush. They shake hands and as they walk the Iraqi says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America." President Bush says "Well your Excellency, anything I can do to help you, I will do." The Iraqi whispers "My son watches this show 'StarTrek' and in it there are Russians, and Blacks, and Asians, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in Star Trek." President Bush laughs and leans toward the Iraqi, and whispers back, "It's because it takes place in the future...." |
Doctor Bob......... Doctor Bob had slept with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. Every once in a while he'd hear that soothing voice within himself, trying to reassure him: "Bob, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go...." But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality: "Bob, you're a vet." |
| Keep Life in Perspective........ At age 4 .... success is .... not peeing in your pants. At age 12 .... success is .... having friends. At age 17 .... success is .... having a drivers license. At age 20 .... success is .... having se# x. At age 35 .... success is .... having money. At age 50 .... success is .... having money. At age 60 .... success is .... having se# x. At age 70 .... success is .... having a drivers license. At age 75 .... success is .... having friends. At age 80 .... success is .... not peeing in your pants |
An old woman in a Nursing Home looks up one day to
find an elderly man looking down on her. She smiled and asked him what he
wanted. "To get straight to the point,I know we are old and can no longer pleasure in sexual activity,but I was wondering if you would help me." "Of course," she smiled. "I was wondering if we could take a wander down to the park and if your could hold my penis for a while." The old woman saw no harm in it,so she agreed. Since then they made it a regular occurence,and every day the 2 elderly people sat on the park bench and she held his penis. One day,the woman went to the bench,but the man was not there.Feeling hurt,she looked around for him. To her amazement,she saw him and another woman-SHE was holding his penis! "What does SHE have that I don’t?" She screeched. He looked up at her and smiled. "Parkinson’s," he replied. |
| Q. Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A. Ask your mother. |
Q: What's better than winning the gold medal at the
special Olympics? A: Not being retarded! |
| A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog.
He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop
assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke.
'Just looking.' |
Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency
Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news. and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life." Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?" The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead." |
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