EROTIC ADVICE

Welcome to Disturbed Owl's Advice Column

Hi, this is Disturbed Owl.  I have decided that my dad is too much of a damn idiot to give people advice, so I'm taking over. Every week or day or year, I'll solve another asshole's pointless problem for you're amusment. By the way, fuck you.

Featured Dilemma:

When your girlfriend leaves you wanking off by yourself like the loser you are....

Dear  Young and yearning,

That's a toughie, and you're going to have to do some thinking.  Hell, I didn't mean that.  Dump the bitch and find yourself a stupid girl. Smart ones just end up learning french and go to france.

If you're head over heels crazy about her, and you want her in your life for a long time,  I think you're  a stupid motherfucker. 

Call things off . You know what they say, "if you love somebody, set them free." And if they come crawling back to you, then it was meant to be. If they don't, then you were meant to move on to someone tighter.

You are still young. There are lots of pussies in the sea, go find one.

Fuck You!

Disturbed Owl

Dear Disturbed Owl,,

I have a girlfriend who's leaving the country for a year to study in France. We've been dating 6 months, and she gives the most incredible head. But I don't know if I can handle a long distance relationship. I need a hell of a lot of sex, and cyber is just pointless.  Please help, or tell me where I can find a cheap concubine at least.

Sincerely,
Young and yearning,
in Yahoo, CA.

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