fairymarsh4

The Cardboard age.

God hadn’t been able to get some stone for under 50p so he found a natural substitue. Cardboard was the hardbed of the landscape. This meant changing the lyrics of some christian hymns he’d adopted as they were out of copyright. ‘The wise man built his house upon the cardboard’ wasn’t quite as catchy. ‘Rock hard’ is way more Cardboard hard’ was seen by some as an unworthy substitute. It also caused fundimantal probems for primitive man. Caves seemed to leak readily in the rain and go soggy and start to smell. Cardboard aged man was really pissed off. They had to find some plastic bags to strewn over there heads when it rained. But it did rain. Fanta streamed down upon them leaving a sticky residue behind. There was uncertainty in the masses as Cardboard age man contemplated what to do. ‘Lets’s speak to the rain’, they said. They spoke but they didn’t reply but they got wet.

The world was plunged into crisis. People down below realised their crops weren’t growing. A poor harvest. Much of the plasticine was tired and overfarmed. There was a harsh winter in which many men died and many weren’t even born. The months dragged on. The cold, dark nights of pity swallowed up the vibrance of humanity. Primitive man hunched in a cardboard
lair, drenched in Fanta, the orange rain pooling beside him and straining of his beard.Shivvering and in pain. God must be reeking his vengence upon them.

He needed satisfying to prevent the hell that was unravelling before them. Repent, sacrafice, praise the holy name to halt the plague riddling through mankind. God was punishing the race for it’s sinfulness. Obviously! It never crossed their mind that he just didn’t give a shit.
let’s make him give us more by sacraficing what we’ve got.
A sacrafice was required, so they burned all their food in order to please their God.
‘Twurps’ he thought when he found out.
It always puzzles me that one. People want to make their Gods happy so they sacrafice a lamb, a sheep, in this case a McDonalds in order to make him fulfilled.As if God will be happier to see his people starve, burn their daughters and sacrafice the Mr Men toys they got with their happymeals, rather than to play with their daughters, have wooly jumpers and eat their MrMen toys. What kind of God would this make fulfilled?
PREHISTORIC BELIEVER:‘I’ve just killed my son for you God’.
GOD: ‘Wow! I’m overjoyed. No famine for you (or grandchildren).’

PREHISTORIC BELIEVER: We havn’t got enough food, so we burned some. It is the ultimate sacrafice. Now you can give us some more.
RAY:Oh! that’s logical.

Surely, as God didn’t seem to speak to anyone (or have many friends), it just came out of people being scared of solar eclipses which happen when the sun’s on strike, the moon fails to turn up to work.

Doug was a typical cardboard aged man. He’d hunt sabre tooth tigers armed with deadly tools that were stapled and tied together. The tiger would often die of laughter. Cardboard age man would laugh back, and tell it to go to the dentist. I’ve never seen a sabre tooth being in the dentist but I don’t give a shit about his book at the moment because I’m pissed, here’s how it might go.
TIGER :Hi I’ve got an appointment
dent; Oh \I can’t ber ased, iv’e been drinking all day and i’m totsl totsll tots totally pissed and unablre to hit the ritght key . It’s wedneday 56 5th mqy 1999. I may require a lie down over trying to work out or say what sabre rtooth tiger gets up to in the dentist. Perhaps he’sd really made of snot.

‘Man, I’m so hung over I can’t be doing with this shit.’ Doug, the leading scolar in the cardboard community arose from wallowing about naked like Noah did. ‘What did I write in the bible last night?’ He flicks through the papyrus for the last entry to the manuscript. ‘What they hell?’ he thought ‘Sabre tooth tigers going to the dentist and these mysterious snops. I really shouldn’t write the bible when I’m pissed!’
He turned to his wife, Alan. ‘Pissed again, dear?’ he asked, bringing through a tray of coffee and glancing over his wife’s shoulder to look at the manuscript. ‘My God! Tigers are made out of snot!’ She feinted to the ground. ‘It’s in the bible, it must be true!’
‘I talk crap most of the time.’ Doug explained ‘I’m not a high paid scolar and I’m usually pissed when I write it. I got rejected from all the other religions.It’s just the big Ray in the sky that employed me. Tigers made out of snot is pure bollocks. It’s not like talking serpents, unicorns, dragons, magic apples or any of their reliable tales.’
‘You mean.......Tigers aren’t made out of snot?’ Alan asked. ‘You’d best be careful else people will fight over it.’
‘Ah! I’ll leave it in. It’s so absurd no one will believe it. We’ll say it’s a test or something’

I copy a lot of it from other books aswell. You know old pagan type things and there’s this hoofing bible thing, that’s really good for referance’.
‘Next you’ll be saying there’s no talking serpents or magical apples.’

‘No - but it’s about as feasible as that. I’ve gotto write this thing when I’m sobre’.
He went by and picked up loads of it frombehind Argos and fashoned it into his own image God must have cared for his people else why did he make them? Ratings - that’s why. The more people there were the more could belive or pretend to, at least. This is what it was all about for our shallow God, something to boast about at p‘Let’s chew some lettice’ they suggested, they chewed the lettuce but only ended up impersinating a snop.

Snops roam the desert looking for lettice. I’m only filling up this book now as you’ve already bought it or you could be borrowong it from the library, in which case you won’t buy it anyway. It’s all about sales for me, so I’ll maybe talk about snops when I care about nothing other than my payment. Charlie the snop was talking to a hatfrog. A hatfrog was one of God’s special inventions
Time is a void that we must fill. A space where our hopes and dreams can flourish if we make them and other people let them grow. Cardboard age man had no such philosphies. Life was a day to day struggle for survival on a baron landscape of poverty and disease.
arties..