I was born with a love for life, but with an attitude of rebelliousness towards authority

My name is Chistoph, and I am 36 years of age. I was born in Mainz, Germany, the very same city where Johannes Gutenberg invented the book printing press in 1492. My parents were both artists; my father being an accomplished pianist, conductor and composer of classical music, my mother an actress. I grew up with the love for music, especially since I was lucky enough to spend a lot of time as a kid in great theatres across Europe, seeing wonderful performances of everything from opera, theatre, classical music and musical. Today, the love for music and the theatre is deep embedded in my heart.

Every since I was a kid, I had a great reverence and love for life, nature and animals. Like many children are, I was full of wonder and curiosity about life. I had a million questions from why the sun was up in the sky, to why there is war in the world, but I always had the sense that society was more focused on me doing what I was supposed to do, than helping me to understand what life, and myself was all about.

This feeling of not being understood, and not understanding turned me into becoming a terrible rebel in school, and against authority. I developed an almost hostile reaction to anybody who tried to tell me what to do or think, so, my main philosophy during that time was, "I do not have to do anything, the only thing I have to do is die, and one that will ultimately happen, so, I do not have to do anything. " I was not that I wasn't able to learn, it was just that I learned at a different pace, and I had to have to have all of my questions answered about a certain subject in order to move on, otherwise I would loose all of my interest and motivation.  Actually I was very interested in learning things, but not because someone told me that I had to, but because I wanted to. My rebelliousness against institutionalized learning made school years a rather difficult. After I finally graduated in 1983, I attempted to continue my scholarly education in a higher technical school, but I failed miserably.

My first major life change, training to be a soldier

So, not knowing what to do with myself, I joined the army, something that is mandatory in Germany. This experience changed my attitude towards life entirely. Being away from my sheltered home, and living with people who displayed a more than negative attitude towards life got me thinking about lots of things. For the period of 3 month (the time of basic training), I was surrounded by people who reminded me very much of how I have lived my life up until this point. I found that most of them were basically just as non-caring, de motivated, disinterested, disillusioned and negative as I was. So, over the next few months I began to do a lot of soul searching and self-examination, and slowly I started to change my general attitude towards life. I began to realize that my rebelliousness attitude during my school years did myself a lot of harm, and that I missed out on a lot of opportunity to learn and to improve on myself. For the first time in my life I understood that you learn for nobody, not for your parents, not for your teacher, not for anybody but only for yourself. I always felt that going to school was a matter of pleasing others, of doing what you are supposed to so other people will be proud of you, but it never dawned on me up until this point that the only person I really cheated with this attitude of not wanting to learn was myself.

Becoming motivated to make something of myself

Slowly but surely I became motivated to change my life for the better. I remember going through the exercises of formal training, thinking not only how silly and sad it was preparing for war, but also feeling very happy and content about being alive. I developed the realization that whatever is going on around me, my attitude towards my environment ultimately creates my reality. When I completed my army service in 1987, I found myself a completely changed person, ready to open up a new chapter in my life. Determined to make something of myself, I enrolled in my first adult learning class, English 101 (which is somewhat ironic, since now I have my home in the America). A few months later I began my apprenticeship in merchandise and sales at a big German fashion store.

This constituted a new phase in my life. The next several years I turned into a learn/- and workaholic. I became so motivated that I also became very selfish, self absorbed and arrogant.  My dream during that time was to become successful and rich, and I was right on track to achieve my goals when one day, very unexpectedly, I met a woman, Eunice, who would change my life in unimaginable ways. Not only was I fascinated by her very alive and refreshing personality, but also I was very intrigued by the fact that she was a performing artist from America (who happened to be African American). We spent only a month together before she finally had to leave. During our time together in Germany we developed a strong affection towards one another. When she had to leave, we were both in tears. Something inside of me told me that this was meant to be more than just a brief encounter, so, against my family's strong suggestion not to make the biggest mistake of my life, I packed my bags and left for Kansas City.

My second major life change, moving to America

When I arrived in Kansas City in January of 1991, I was basically very naïve as what to expect. Shortly after, I was introduced to my girlfriend’s very large family. This was a cultural change I could not have foreseen. I went to family reunions with hundreds of people, and was the light skinned person there. I was welcomed by most of them into their midst, especially her mother took a strong liking to me, but some of them, especially her siblings were a little bit more apprehensive. After less
than 2 month, we decided to get married.

Since I did not know anything or anybody, my wife took on the role as tour guide. She showed me around, introduced me to everyone she knew, and I, who was very immature at the time, was busy absorbing all the new experiences as well as I could. She helped me get a job in manufacturing soon after, and I was just thrilled to be able to work in a new country. Exactly one year after we got married our first daughter was born. Her mom stayed with us for about 3 month, which was good, since I had no clue about how to care for a newborn. My wife and her mother seemed to be busy attending to the child's needs, while I began thinking about the future. A few months later, I attended the University of Kansas. After 2 semesters there, and the birth of twins, I felt like a sense of having to reevaluating my life as husband and father. I stopped going to classes and began thinking about where to go from here. During that time I received a very sad phone call from my mom, informing that my Dad, who said that if I left Germany I would never see him again had suffered a fatal heart attack.

How I became interested in Self-Development

In the spring of 1992 I was offered a new job as claims analyst. This position, which basically involved simple data entry and processing, allowed me to use headphones while I was working. So, I used my time during the day to explore the American radio frequencies, and developed a better insight about the people, trends and problems of this country. I also utilized the local library where I checked out countless audio books on history, politics, physics and especially self-development. I became very intrigued by the subject, especially after listening to Stephen Coveys: 7 Habits of highly effective people. The main thing that caught my attention was his notion of personal freedom, the idea that; between what happens to you, and your response to what happens to you lies your ultimate freedom to choose your response. Wow, what a concept. Once I began to understand the tremendous implications of this statement, I became determined to learn as much as I could on the subject. I began realizing that most people don't choose their response, but rather react without thinking to what is happening to them.

Over the past 10 years, I have read, scanned and listened to hundreds of books (on tape), articles and essays on subjects such as personal development, psychology, philosophy, interpersonal relationships and human development, and it became apparent to me that most of the popular literature concerns itself with teaching people skills and techniques so they can get what they want out of life. While I am very fond of the idea of personal improvement, I began questioning the reasons for why people want to develop themselves.

Among the several authors I studied were Dr. Wayne Dwyer, John Bradshaw, Leo Buscali, Victor Frankl, Anthony Robbins, Earl Nightingale, just to mention a few. One writer in particular, the late German humanist and psychologist Erich Fromm helped me to understand what I failed to see up until this point. His writings, among them: “Escape from freedom”, “The art of loving”, “To be or to have”, and “The art of living”, opened my eyes to the true meaning of (internal) freedom, love, and life in general. A lot of what I have learned is thru his work.

My general philosophy towards life

It is my strong belief that life is a miracle, a gift, with which each and every one are blessed with. Every single human being in this world is unique and valuable, regardless or despite of personal situation, achievements, social status, or level of education. I think that our overemphasize of external expectations, measurements and rewards deludes is into thinking that as long as we do what we are supposed to, we are free to choose to live our life any way we want to, and at the same time keeps us from realizing the greatness and beauty that lies within ourselves.

I believe in the sanctity and the significance of life. When I look at nature, at every plant and animal, at every human being, when I look at earth and the universe, I am in total awe over the perfection and beauty of it all. Everything that was created (or evolved, the question of which is secondary to me since I concern myself more the problems and challenges of life nowadays) is an integral and significant part of what we refer to as God.

I believe that each and every human being, everything that is alive is an expression of God’s perfection. Life and God are one and the same thing to me. God is life and life is God. To me, the meaning of life is life itself. Therefore I think it is the first and foremost purpose of every person alive to realize and actualize his or her unique and genuine individuality and humanity, in other words, to become alive.

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