by Sweeney Todd
One day, I was out walking the dog past Alan Rickman's house, as I did every day when the weather was fine. As I walked, I meditated on the beauty of nature and on the brilliance of Alan Rickman's acting abilities.
Just then, as I reached the house next door to Alan's and prepared to turn back, I noticed something gleaming at Alan's open window. It was Alan himself, his shining presence, and his lovely, lovely smile...
"Alan!" I cried. "I love you. I love you and I must always be with you, or I swear, I shall pine and die, right here on the spot, so I shall! And you were great in Die Hard."
Alan's shining presence never wavered, but his lovely, lovely smile did seem to drop a notch or two.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I thought you were someone else."
And with that, he turned abruptly and retreated into the house. I was a little disappointed, but soon got over it and went home.
Brief Encounters; Part II
by Alexander Solzhenitsyn-Roulante
Psst! It's HIM! I said, nudging my friend enthusiastically in the ribs.
What?, she replied, looking all around, WHERE?!
Shhhhhhhhforgodsake! O..v..e..r.. t..h..e..r..e..., I gestured madly with my eyebrows while tensing my neck and jaw as if tetanus had taken hold.
WHO? That guy in the blue coat? Him? Who is he, she asked, staring right at Alan Rickman as he was doing an impression of a man eating a ham sandwich.
I turned around, he looked up, I blushed. All I could say was hello.
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