I am reliably informed that this was 1991, or thereabouts, in Bernard and the Genie. Oh my God! That's eleven years ago, I must be old. Erm, anyway, even at this impressionable age, I knew a good thing when I saw one, and immediately decided Alan was the best thing since Penguins came in real silver paper.
Alan moments
Ever since Bernard and the Genie, I've been patiently waiting for Alan to turn up in things. It's very much a background activity, this Waiting for Alan, and most of the time I don't realise I'm doing it. Certainly there are more pro-active ways of being a fan, and I'm sure there are many proper Alan fans out there whose dedication puts me to shame. But when it pays off and he does turn up out of the blue as, say, Sebastian the air steward in strange, hysterical comedy The High Life, or Late-Lunching with Mel and Sue on not-quite-daytime TV, or ladling out the sarcasm to Carrie Bradshaw in Sex in the City, it always feels like all the lack of hard work has been worth it.
Most recently, I've enjoyed Alan's turning up out of the blue on Oscar Night (his observation that Glenn Close and Donald Sutherland looked as though they were running 'a little cut-price Oscar shop' helped us through the evening and into the small hours),as the voice of the Devil in God, the Devil and Bob (I loved the Devil's relationship with God in this - they were kind of like squabbling family members - albeit with enormous power over humankind - and Alan was a perfect, perfect Satan), and as a guest on V. Graham Norton. I loved his sweet story about the makeup girl who was curious as to what an uncircumsized penis might look like ("I thought it would be more like a flip-top bin...") and his comments on Mary Tyler Moore's plastic surgery ("Everybody's saying 'Oh, doesn't Mary look great!' and I want to say 'No - she looks like she's been in a fire!'")
There are, of course, many Alan moments I've missed. I didn't see his acclaimed performance as the Emcee in Cabaret. I haven't yet seen him in Titus with Jessica Lange or with Jennifer Jason Leigh in The Anniversary Party. But still, I'll go on Waiting for Alan, and hopefully he'll go on turning up. It's a great hobby, you should try it.
