MY WEDDING
AUGUST 27 2002

BOOMER!

THESE ARE FROM HALLOWEEN 2006






THIS IS THE DAY WE PICKED BOOMER OUT OF A LITTLE AT THE BREEDERS HOME. HE WAS JUST A TINY BIT BIGGER THAN A PEPSI CAN!


BOOMER'S 1ST BATH, HAHAHA!


HMMMM WHAT'S THAT YA GOT THERE?


DON'T BOTHER ME PEASANT!


YES I'M CHEWING! WHAT'S IT TO YOU?


WOULD YOU GO AWAY?!


YES I KNOW I AM BEAUTIFUL! NEW



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FAMILY PHOTOS!

AT THE ZOO...

Mike, my sister, and my mother...



Mike and his Aunt Chrissy(mysister)







My sister Chrissy...






My dad...



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MY POETRY

THIS IS A WARNING. SOME OF THESE POEMS MAY BE DISTURBING. I WROTE MANY OF THESE DURING SOME VERY DARK TIMES IN MY LIFE. Feel free to E-MAIL ME!

EIGHTY-EIGHT EIGHTY-NINE
YOUR TOUCH
THE GAME
THE DANCE
MOM
IN THE BEGINNING
MY DREAMS ARE COMING TRUE
THE DAY WE MET
WE'VE ONLY JUST BEGUN
ONCE AGAIN I WILL STAND
FEELING OF LOSS
OUT OF MY REACH
MY SON
THE BLUE VAN
This is a True story. I wrote this poem for a very dear friend that lived this nightmare.

A BEST FRIEND
ON-LINE FRIENDSHIP
911

EIGHTY-EIGHT EIGHTY-NINE

Eighty-eight…eighty-nine,
Years I thought so fine.
Years on which I built my life,
Now cut me like a knife.

My heart so true,
Now terribly blue.
Memories packed should be thrown away,
For he has found a new love today.

The black winged Angel came along,
And viciously ruined our love song.
I slip away thinking of happier times,
Ruthlessly being forced back by the clocks chimes.

Remember me who lives here,
For you are my pain…my love…my dear.

Eight-eight…eighty-nine,
Years I thought so fine.
Years on which I built my life,
Now cut me like a knife.

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YOUR TOUCH

To lose your touch,
For me to handle is too much.
To never feel your arms around me,
Should never be.

To not make love to you,
Is something I can’t do.
My heart, body, and soul fill with glee,
With just one touch from you to me.

As I lay down to sleep,
I pray you’ll be mine to keep.
That you’ll see the light,
And do what’s right.

We need and love you,
You know you love us too.
Come back to your wife and son,
I beg you to say this is done.

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THE GAME

Was I a game?
Did you ever feel the same?
I had the ache,
For you was it fake?

Did you ever love me?
That answer I can’t see.
You’ve let me fall,
And watched me crawl.

Seen the tears falling from my face,
With such a rapid pace.
Watched me grieve,
But still you leave.

Never will I love this way again.
For never will I feel pain as I do today.
As you close the door,
And I crumble to the floor.

Good-bye to you my one and only,
My life is now empty and lonely.
You will always be my best friend,
Until I am lucky enough for the end.

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THE DANCE

That night at the dance,
You had me in just one glance.
The first time I felt your arms around me,
I knew we were meant to be.

As we danced to Eric Carmen,
I felt myself fallin’.
I could fell my heart pound,
Praying you couldn’t hear the sound.

Looking into your eyes I lost my heart,
It was then I began trying for the part.
To win the role of your wife,
To have you for all my life.

Sadly I have lost the game,
Things are no longer the same.
No more is it love in your eyes,
I only see sad good byes.

Looking out into the night,
I know I have lost life’s biggest fight.
I will always love you,
That much is true.

As a tear slides down my cheek,
My world seeming so bleak,
I know I will have a new life,
Maybe even become someone else’s wife.

Believe these words I say,
For the letting go begins today.

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MOM

As I Have Grown,
So has my appreciation and love for you.

"Time flies,” everyone says.
It's frightening sometimes when I look into a mirror and see
the proof of that.
So often, we don't take the time to say

What’s in our hearts, and then,
when it's too late, we wish we had.

I'm taking a moment now, Mom, to tell you this...
When I was a little girl,
there was so much I couldn't understand,
like how hard you worked and how much you
sacrificed for us.

I am sure you too had dreams and aspirations
that you had to put on hold
And those dreams never became a reality.
You must have been frustrated at times,
no doubt, because I do..

Maybe you even full of despair.
Yet you never gave less than your best to us.
You didn't have an exciting career
or beautiful clothes.
You never traveled the world, or drove a fancy car.

Everyday, you looked after us,
worried about us, fed us, and
loved us.

In case you don't see what I am getting at Mom,
I know and understand now that you actually gave
me two lives: my own... and yours.

And I am now trying very hard to
pass that on to my son,
so he will have three lives yours, mine and his.

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IN THE BEGINNING

In our short time together,
We are having hopes and thoughts of forever.
You kind of scare me,
I’m feeling things I did not foresee.

Similarities that bind,
Really blow my mind.
Late night talks,
Planning long walks.

I’ve never known anyone like you,
Kind, caring and gentle too.
The sweetest voice,
Leaves me no choice.

So we’ve begun a dance,
Giving us a chance.

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MY DREAMS ARE COMING TRUE

I believe my dreams and wishes have been coming,
Since the very day that I met you.

I dream of sharing your ups and downs,
Your smiles and your frowns.
To hold your body and squeeze you tight,
To kiss your precious lips all through the night.

To make the memories we’ll always treasure,
With tons of love and tender pleasure.
I know these dreams are coming true,
I can see them when I look at you.

Smiles and laughter for all the today’s and tomorrow’s,
Any sorrow is left behind in yester morrow.
We’ve been given this amazing chance,
At a life blessed with heartfelt romance.

We’ll make all our dreams come true,
Together me and you.

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THE DAY WE MET

When I looked into your eyes,
I saw no lies.
You planted a special seed,
A seed of love that would forever proceed.

I soon was in love with you,
There was nothing I could do.
As scared as I was,
You had me in your claws.

At the door you stood there,
In the night air,
Taking things in, Just looking around.
My whole body melted into the ground.

I remember the day,
I remember the way,
It is always on my mind,
From you exhumed only kind.

You looked so good in your shirt and jeans.
I remember that night you were in my dreams.
Soon my dreams came true,
I was laying there with you.

I wished I could be with you day after day,
But I lived so far away.
Because I love you more than words can ever say,
In every single way.
More and more each and every day.

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WE'VE ONLY JUST BEGUN

Like the rising sun,
We've only just begun.
A long painful past has brought me to you,
This time I hope to see it through.
As emotion floods my eyes,
And the sun continues to rise,
I know I was blessed by meeting you.
And getting to know you the way I do.

When you hold me near,
There is nothing I fear.
Except to relive my past,
But something tells me this will last.
In such a short time you've put laughter in my heart,
You are what I've waited for from the start.
Someone who would go the extra mile,
Just to make me smile.

I thought happiness for me was through,
Then I met you.
You make my heart beat faster,
and I love to hear your laughter.
I can't begin to explain what I feel.
All I know is that it feels real.
It has only been two months, but it seems longer,
Maybe cause my feelings seem so much stronger.

I think I've fallen in love with you.
Scary for me but it's true.
Although something tells me deep inside,
Not to let my feelings hide.
When you hold me close to your body.
I know I can be nice or naughty,
but either way-you seem to like me
You have set the real me free.

The feel of your gentle touch
I never thought I could feel so much
As I lay there in your arms,
I know you'll never bring me harm.
Ba-by, you've got me floored.
Like never before
Help me find the way to start,
For I've set out to steal your heart.

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ONCE AGAIN I WILL STAND

Although I never ever felt the blade,
An unconscious choice was being made.
Making an impact more than the knife,
An impact that would haunt my life.
Screaming out in the dark of night,
Screams of fear and great fright.

It wasn’t only the blood flowing onto the floor,
There was so much more as I watched it pour.
It was who I was, who I wanted to be, it was all of me,
My pride, self-respect and what I was to be.
With the draining of each cut,
You would lick it like some stray mutt.

The next day always brought the pain,
With it scars to hide in shame,
Then it would happen again and again.
Questions would come… Are they all like this? All men?
Harsh, demeaning, cruel,
More and more I felt the fool.

Each time the blood would flow,
The more of me I would see go,
Leaving more scars for me to hide once more.
Knowing one night soon I’d be back on the floor.
Forced to now look at these scars again,
I feel nothing but shame and disdain.

Your cruel words soon owned me,
Keeping me believing I could never live without you.
Well we found out that wasn’t true,
I have a new life, one without you.
A much better, more happier life,
One where I am not scared of a knife.

With each punch, slap, or crack,
It became harder for me to bounce back.
You used my body and mind,
Used it as a sick toy, cruel and unkind.
Every emotion rolled in a ball,
Often left me feeling so very small.

The grip you had on my soul,
Page 2 Has certainly taken its toll.
Reminders are frightful and horrifying,
Many a night I wake up crying.
Memories I wanted to keep locked,
So in no way could I be mocked.

Now comes the rest,
But certainly not the best.
Your abuse continues to find,
Ways to haunt my mind.
Feelings of pain,
Sometimes driving me insane.

Years and years with you,
Left behind marks so hard to undo.
Life with you was game after game,
Each one leaving me with more shame.
How did I let this happen to me?
You were sick, why couldn’t I see?

I wish I had an eraser to take it all away,
Or maybe a few magic words I could say.
Instead ahead of me is a long road,
With many stories still left untold.
Fears I need to share,
With someone who does care.

I believe I’m strong enough for this trip,
As sure as I am I’ll have the odd slip.
But I will get up and keep going.
To me, my family and friends I will be showing,
No longer am I meek,
I am not weak.

I will stand tall
And face each memory once and for all

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FEELING OF LOSS

No Feeling of a baby kicking,
Nor hearing its heart ticking.
Won’t be able to share again the joy of a newborn,
That choice for me has been torn.
No baby girl to lay across my arms,
With all her beauty and charms.
Nor a new little boy,
To buy the latest electronic toy.

Won’t produce another life,
A knife is taking that.
I can’t explain how I feel,
So confused about this whole deal.
Hurt, sad,
Jealous, mad.
Another baby was the one thing I always wanted,
For years that feeling was being taunted.
Is there any way to fill this dream?
There is one so it does seem.
Adoption is now my only way,
The words are so hard to say.

I’d like to go back in time,
Before my clocks last chime.
But then it wasn’t right,
Lord is there ever going to be a light.
I have so much to go through,
Mentally now physically too.
Will all this ever end?
Does this road have a bend?

I’m telling you the year 2003,
Just is not for me.
Can we skip to 2004?
And pray that there lays no more?
As Shania Twain says so very clear.
I can only go up from here,
I will make it through.
I always do,

But how much can one person take?
Before they finally break?

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OUT OF MY REACH

No new baby’s loving grasp,
Or the sweet finger clasp.
Looking up at me with love and trust,
Grabbing at its bottle with a thrust.

As a tiny tear slips out,
With a contented sigh, not a pout.
Slowly slides down its cheek,
Perhaps with a tiny peek.

As I write this down in pain
For soon my womanhood will be slain
I feel a tear slide down my own cheek
I suddenly feel so terribly bleak

My sadness is so very clear.
Many a wet broken hearted tear,
Will be shed,
As I lay in my bed.

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MY SON

Although I was only sixteen,
I had no idea what it would all mean.
I chose to have the baby,
Things would be okay, maybe.

I gave birth to beautiful little boy,
Who has filled my life with such joy.
Sometimes the only thing that kept me going,
Was his non-stop growing.

As a parent I tried to protect him from pain.
But sometimes things got too insane,
I know he somehow knew,
Knew just what I was going through.

A very smart boy was I blessed.
But never would I have guessed,
He was my one chance of giving life.
Before I could enjoy that again it would be gone with a slash of a knife.

All my hopes and dreams,
Will be shared with only him it seems.
Thank god I made that decision,
Almost like an intuition.

I had to have that child,
Born to young mother who seemed so wild.
I love that boy with all my heart,
I have from the very start.

I always will,
My heart he’ll always fill.
His name is Michael,
And oh my so far it’s been a cycle.
He is my production,
My only reproduction.
My love, my life, my joy,
He will always be my little boy.

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THE BLUE COLORED VAN

In a blue colored van
Pulled up an unknown man.
Whose heart was pure coal,
A young boys’ innocence he stole.
Forced underground,
He became the man’s toy to pound.
Terrified he wouldn’t survive,
He did all he could to come out alive.

A horrific experience so very unreal,
Left behind many scars that won’t heal.
Battling to make it through,
Never sure exactly what to do.

After years of self doubt,
He finally made it all the way out.
Emerged was a trustworthy, caring man,
Who could never forget, the “blue colored van.”

His story would be known,
Pictures in papers and on TV would be shown.
So that he could fight,
To protect children day and night.

No longer a young boy,
He is no one's toy.
To replace is a man,
Who helps everyone he can.

He tries to teach,
Anyone he can reach.
To be aware,
Of the “blue colored van.”

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BEST FRIEND

God must have known sometimes we might need some cheer
Someone to support us and brush away a tear.
Someone to except us for who we are
To help us heal a painful scar.

Someone so dear
Helping you not to fear.
Someone to trust beyond compare
Who no matter what will always care

After any fight
Finding time to make it right
With enough love to fill your heart
Always beside you; never to part.

I speak of a best friend
Someone to love until the end
For each other you’re always there
Forever and ever you’ll always care.

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ONLINE FRIENDSHIP

Our friends met online
have similar stories to combine
Truly are a special kind
Someone to whom you can speak your mind

You can’t see them, they can’t see you,
So you tell it all, rosey and blue
Secrets hidden in the dark corners of your mind
Are easy to tell and easy to find

They can feel your pain, and offer hope
A new view on ways to cope
With no rejection for you to fear
So easily will come a tear

With each letter you expose more
Making your soul an open door
As you share your deepest fears
You notice your keyboard full of tears

If you could reach through your screen
A hug you’d give for how great they’ve been
Words are the keys to the soul
You can bet their tears take a toll

As you share together many a thought
Talk about a personal battle fought
You realize you may never see
The good friends made, you and me.

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911

We will never forget 9/11 Many innocent were sent to heaven We’ll always remember where we were When the first crash did occur Horrified for right before our eyes We saw bodies falling from the skies The days to follow Would leave many feeling hollow Friends and family ripped away Speechless, no words there to say As we watched many a flame We all wondered, who’s to blame? With missing parents 9/11’s children were born Into a world filled with hearts still very torn They will grow, broken hearts they’ll mend Will they be ones to bring hatred to an end? Memories of that day forever to remain Like an unbearable stain Forget we must not Always remember the lessons taught

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